Let it be known that if a narcissist’s lips are moving – they’re lying.
They get ahead by stringing people along with whatever they want to hear…
…or…
They permit guilt to wash over you by making you feel bad about something you didn’t do.
Hands up if you know what I’m talking about here, because this is serious stuff now.
Narcissist’s lies are devastating and damaging… Here are 8 lies they most commonly use to get to you in the worst ways.
The Narcissist and Lies
Let’s call it together, shall we?
The narcissist lives in their lies.
They can’t exist out of them for long, just like a fish out of water.
Swimming in their sea of lies is something they rely on for full control, and doing so does nothing for their moral compass (Sorry? Moral compass?!…)
Lying comes second nature to the narcissist. They know they’re doing it, but they don’t care. They will tell people whatever they feel like as long as they look good.
Getting Caught in the Fog of Deceit
You or I (AKA the innocent party), get caught up in the lies of the narcissist. I mean, the last thing we want is to be so, but the narcissist makes good use of the people around them, and that usually involves using them as players without consent.
You see, we do get caught up in the fog of deceit, but we don’t even realize we’re playing the game until it’s too late.
To us, it isn’t a game.
No Conscience
When a narcissist lies, they do it for two reasons:
- To make themselves look better
- To make somebody / everybody else look bad
Ignorance isn’t bliss though, is it? The narcissist has zero conscience and carries on as if nothing has happened. Meanwhile, those on the receiving end of those lies end up worse off.
It’s an unfair position to be in. Whether you are a victim to a lie, or told a lie to pacify you.
Either way – they still hurt.
8 Things the Narcissist Lies About
So – what are the most common lies a narcissist likes to tell?
“I’m Better Than Them”
No, you’re not.
You think you are, but you’re not.
Of course, to the unknowing stranger or recently acquired friend, the narcissist can say whatever they like. There would be no real reason those people would dispute them.
They can also complain over dinner about their new boss or coworker and immediately compare themselves to them.
I’m so much better than they are.
I could do their job with my eyes closed.
They think they’re the best, but they aren’t. Nowhere near.
What they’re doing is trying to reiterate to themselves that they are intelligent, skilled people. Whoever the subject of conversation is about has threatened them and in some way damaged their ego.
It’s left them wanting, or rather needing to re-validate themselves.
Their egos are bruised.
And they’re lying.
“It’s Nothing to Do With Me…”
One thing the narcissist loves to do is create a mess. Whether that’s screwing up at work so someone else can take the blame, or causing family or friends to fall out.
They whip up a tornado, push you into it and then watch on as you spin helplessly.
Then they hold their hands up and protest, “I had nothing to do with this!”
It’s a lie, they did.
What you have to realize is, narcissists never want to look bad. They can’t. If they did, people would give them a wide berth. They would see the narcissist coming, and cross the street to stay and keep away.
Instead, the narcissist lures people in, gains their trust, and then moves in and uses them for their own gain.
If a narcissist ever tells you it’s nothing to do with them, you’d better never believe them.
“I Promise”
Ah, the sweet, sweet, empty promise of the narcissist.
Of course, the promise is as sweet as a lemon.
You can still make lemonade out of it, though, especially if you get a step ahead and understand that the narcissist’s promises never come accompanied with legitimacy.
I promise, I will get the painting done this weekend.
I promise, we will get married someday.
I promise you, we can go and do something romantic this weekend.
I didn’t do it, I promise.
These are words – nothing more. The narcissist isn’t bothered by the meaning behind them, they just want to appease you in that moment. They want your trust, so they can keep and keep lying.
Nothing more, nothing less.
“You Can Trust Me”
If I had a dollar for every time I heard a narcissist trying to assure somebody that they can trust them, I’d be a very rich man.
What they’re doing here is very sly.
Of course, yes, we can trust anybody. But that doesn’t mean they’ll stand by their word, does it?
To fully trust another is to give them your word that no matter what they do, they will always have your narcissistic back.
Who wants to have the back of a narcissist?
Anybody…?
“I’m Sorry”
Oh no, they didn’t.
Not again.
They said sorry, and you believed them.
Any apology from a narcissist carries a heartbreaking undertone to it, doesn’t it? For a moment, they seem almost remorseful. They’ve taken responsibility for an act of wrong, and they want you to see they are sorry for it.
And we do. We believe them because to us, an apology holds weight. It means something. It proves there’s life underneath all those layers of deceit, but in actual fact – “I’m sorry” is a lie all by itself.
“It’s Your Fault / It’s Not My Fault”
Why wouldn’t they? If they can convince you that something was your fault, then they remove all blame from themselves.
Yes – that even means if they were wrong in the first place.
Imagine holding a scalding hot baking tray. A narcissist will pass it to you and blame you for their hands being burned. So you’re left with the hot baking tray, getting burned even more, while they’re left saying, “Hey, it’s not my fault you’re holding that.”
They don’t care, and that’s the problem for many people under the abusive control of any narcissist. If you’re hurting, they don’t care. If they lied, they don’t care. They live without remorse for anything.
“I’ll Change”
No. No you won’t. You tell people you will so they believe you and put their trust into you again, but ultimately, you won’t change.
Believing a narcissist will change is how they manipulate you into believing they feel bad for their actions. They want to humanize themselves to you so your kind soul can see someone who genuinely wants to do better next time.
Do they ever change?
Simply put – a narcissist will deny they’re a narcissist – so expecting them to change is always going to be a waste of time.
“You’re so Disappointing!”
You’re actually not a disappointment. You’re probably an astounding success, but they don’t want you to feel or be aware of that. If a narcissist calls you a disappointment, it’s likely going to be as a result of you doing something right, or good, or fair, or worthy.
Their initial aim is to make you feel bad for that. Calling you a disappointment ticks all those boxes and more.
What do they want?
They want you to feel as bad about yourself as they secretly do about themselves.
It’s all a lie.
