Ever felt heartbroken finding a narcissist cheating on you? Worse, even when you’ve caught them red-handed, they still deny it, right? You’re not alone.
We all use lies to cover small untruths, but for Narcissists, lying is their second nature. Narcissits lie about everything, and they will surely lie about their cheating behavior, even when the evidence is on the table..or on the floor.
But why do they lie? Why do they lie even when you have so much evidence of their faulty behavior? The Narcissist NEEDS to lie to keep their world intact. Here are 11 reasons why they NEED to lie and never give in.
#1 Self-Protection
They want to avoid the consequences or fallout of their actions.
They’ve been unfaithful, but they’ll deny it, even if you’ve caught them red-handed. Why? Because they’re trying to protect themselves. They don’t want to face the consequences – emotional distress, loss of reputation, or even the end of the relationship.
It’s a defense mechanism, a way to maintain their image, their control, their world as they want it to be.
They’re not thinking about your feelings, your trust, your heartbreak. They’re thinking about their needs, their image, their security. It’s a selfish act, which is a clear sign of their narcissism.
#2 Control and Manipulation
Lying about infidelity allows them to manipulate the narrative and control the perception of others.
By crafting an alternate reality where they remain faithful and committed, they can paint themselves as the victim, not the villain. They’d rather control the storyline than face their actions.
This manipulation stems from a desperate need to maintain a perfect image, the flawless facade they’ve worked so hard to construct. It’s a defense mechanism that controls their environment and the people within it.
#3 Gaslighting
By denying their infidelity, they can make their partner doubt their intuition or evidence, a form of manipulation known as gaslighting.
Beyond the facade of control and manipulation, a deeper form of deceit lurks in their toolbox – gaslighting. In this technique, they cause you to question your intuition or evidence of their cheating. This mind game is a classic tactic in the narcissist’s playbook, and it’s a cruel one.
When you’re sure they’ve cheated, they’ll deny it vehemently, making you feel like you’re going crazy.
They’ll twist the truth, manipulate facts, and even accuse you of being paranoid or overly suspicious. The aim? To confuse you, make you doubt your judgment, and ultimately, to control you.
It’s a form of psychological abuse that leaves you feeling lost, wondering if you’re losing your sanity. Don’t fall for it. Trust your instincts and stand by your evidence.
#4 Maintaining Status
They might fear that admitting to cheating would damage their image or social standing.
Another reason they lie about cheating is to protect their social image and status, fearing that admission might tarnish their carefully crafted persona.
Narcissists meticulously cultivate an idealized self-image, one that’s often admired by others.
This image is a crucial part of their identity, and they’ll go to great lengths to preserve it.
#5 Lack of Empathy
Narcissists often lack empathy, meaning they are less likely to acknowledge the pain and harm their actions might cause.
Despite their actions causing harm, narcissists often fail to acknowledge the pain they inflict due to their lack of empathy.
Imagine you’re dealing with a narcissist, and they’ve been unfaithful. You’re hurting, but they don’t seem to care. They’re not cold-hearted; they can’t grasp the extent of your emotional distress.
Empathy, the capacity to understand another’s feelings, is largely absent in them. They’re so focused on their needs and wants that they can’t put themselves in your shoes. They may even twist the situation, making you feel guilty for their wrongdoings.
This lack of empathy enables them to lie about their cheating without remorse, regardless of the pain and turmoil they cause you.
#6 Superiority and Power
Lying can assert power, dominance, or superiority over others by controlling the narrative.
Narcissists often use lies to assert their superiority and maintain power over others.
When they lie, they’re not just deceiving you. They’re manipulating the narrative to suit their needs. It’s a strategic move designed to put them in a position of power.
They’re convincing you of an alternate reality where they’re always right, always the victim, or always the hero. And you? You’re left questioning your judgment, feeling disoriented and powerless.
#7 Avoiding Criticism
They fear criticism and might lie to protect their ego and ward off any form of critique.
Fear of criticism often drives narcissists to lie, as they use deception to shield their fragile ego and deflect any form of critique.
They’re afraid of being exposed or judged, so they create a false narrative that paints them in a more favorable light. You might catch them red-handed, but they’ll still deny it or twist the truth to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.
It’s not about you or the truth. It’s about their need to protect their self-image at all costs. They’re masters at manipulation and can convincingly distort reality to fit their agenda.
When dealing with a narcissist, be aware of this tactic. Don’t let their lies make you doubt your reality. Trust your instincts and stand firm.
#8 Fear of Rejection
Despite their bravado, many narcissists fear rejection and use lies to avoid being abandoned.
Beneath their bold facade, many narcissists are scared to bits of rejection, resorting to lies to dodge the possibility of being left alone. Even though they portray themselves as confident and self-assured, they’re terrified of rejection.
They’re scared you’ll see through their act, realize their true character, and decide to leave. This fear drives them to lie and deceive, creating an illusion of perfection to keep you hooked. They’d rather spin a web of lies than face the risk of rejection.
It’s not about preserving a relationship built on trust and mutual respect for them. It’s about securing their ego, maintaining control, and avoiding the unbearable thought of being abandoned.
#9 Entitlement
Narcissists often believe they have the right to bend the truth because they feel rules or norms do not apply to them.
While you’re trying to play fair, narcissists often believe they’re above the rules, justifying their lies and deceit with a misguided sense of entitlement. They bend the truth without batting an eye because they think they’re exempt from standards that apply to others.
Their inflated self-importance makes them believe they’re entitled to get what they want, when they want it, and by any means necessary. This includes lying about infidelity. It’s not about you or the relationship, but their entitlement and refusal to be bound by norms.
When caught, they might dismiss your feelings, denying the undeniable. Stand your ground and not let their sense of entitlement erode your self-worth.
#10 Fear of Losing Control
Admitting to infidelity would mean losing control of the situation — something that narcissists greatly fear.
Grasping tightly to the reins of control, narcissists dread the very thought of admitting infidelity, a confession that would inevitably strip them of their power in the relationship.
They fear this loss of control intensely, as it threatens their carefully constructed persona and challenges the narrative they’ve built around themselves.
For them, control isn’t just about manipulation; it’s a survival mechanism.
Admitting to cheating wouldn’t only expose their deceptive behavior but also subject them to consequences they’d rather avoid. They could lose their partners, social standing, and the respect they covet.
#11 Preservation of Multiple Relationships
They might want to maintain the other relationship(s) along with the current one for self-serving reasons.
In addition to their fear of losing control, narcissists also lie about infidelity to preserve multiple relationships for their benefit. For them, it’s not about commitment or loyalty but more about satisfying their needs and desires.
They may view these relationships as a source of validation, attention, or material gains. They’ve gotten used to juggling multiple partners, using lies and manipulation to keep their deceit under the radar.
Final Words
So, you’ve been caught up with a narcissist who’s lied about cheating, even when you caught them red-handed. Remember, it’s not about you. They protect themselves, control the narrative, gaslight, or preserve their status.
Their lack of empathy, fear of rejection, entitlement, and loss of control drive them to lie. They may even try to maintain multiple relationships simultaneously.
Stay strong and trust your instincts – you deserve honesty and respect.
