Last Updated on August 15, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester
What is a Sadistic Narcissist?
Underneath the charismatic façade that the narcissist displays to the world can be an easily angered sadist.
Sam Vaknin, author of “Malignant Self-Love”, defines the relationship between narcissism and sadism as psychodynamic ‘cousins’. The narcissist is as capable of meting out pain as any sadist.
The reason behind their sadistic acts is what creates the difference.
Yes, the narcissist uses torture and abuse but he does so as a means of punishment for perceived slights and, thus, reasserting his sense of superiority.
The Meaning of Sadism and Narcissism
The sadist engages in torture and abuse for the genuine enjoyment of being cruel.
The narcissist’s sadism is different from the more infamously known Sexual Sadism (DSM-IV-TR category).
Sexual sadism involves deriving sexual pleasure from the suffering or torment of others caused by their acts of torture or abuse.
When narcissism is co-morbid with sadism, the individual exhibits all the traits and characteristics of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), but in addition, has sadistic tendencies that reinforce the negative behavior of their narcissism.
However, there is no sexual pleasure associated with their sadistic acts.
Instead, the acts of sadism generate Narcissistic Supply. Sadistic acts are the narcissist’s way to punish those who are not being compliant, admiring or indulgent.
The Difference Between Sadism and a Narcissist
The narcissist must always “win” and they will use any means at their disposal to do so, including torture or abuse.
They don’t think twice about causing pain in order to win.
Narcissists always cause psychological pain and often physical pain as well. Usually those who are victimized the most are the closest and the most vulnerable: their partner or spouse, their children, siblings, and intimate friends.
People often think of sadism between two adults but it is just as common between siblings or when parents beat their scapegoat child.
Narcissists leave a wide trail of misery throughout their lifetimes.
Dealing With a Sadistic Narcissist: Their Partners
The sadistic narcissist gets pleasure and Narcissistic Supply from inflicting psychological and physical pain.
They choose their victims carefully in order to achieve the end goal of obtaining Supply.
Narcissists choose partners that are compliant, overly dependent, and afraid to live a life independent of the narcissist.
They have accepted their role as the narcissist’s spouse or partner as they have been “hooked” by the narcissist’s extravagant personality and grand visions for the future.
They idolize the narcissist and dream of sharing their lives with someone who is so confident, successful, and charismatic.
Initially, he is magnetic and utterly romantic, making them feel like they are the most important person in the universe.
However, once the narcissist has them firmly hooked and reeled in, the mask starts to fall away, piece by piece,
until the partner is subjected to the narcissist’s volcanic rage, unending and outrageous demands, chronic criticisms, and humiliations.
Reading Suggestion: What is Narcissistic Rage?
The Dark Side of the Narcissist
This dark side of the narcissist not only causes long lasting mental, emotional and physical pain to his partner or children,
but he then begins to experience pleasure in watching this meaningful person(s) suffer as the acts become associated with obtaining Narcissistic Supply.
These sadistic behaviors become chronic and threaten the psychological and sometimes physical health of those closest to him.
Unfortunately, they have paid a terrible price to remain at the narcissist’s side.
How Does the Sadistic Narcissist Keep You Under His Spell?
Narcissists dispense cruelty. They have no remorse or empathy for other people in their lives and will do anything in order to control them and win at all costs.
Common actions are to beat them down, keep them on edge, threaten to leave them without financial resources, and even promise their spouses that they will wrench the children away.
They want to be known as capable of anything- that makes them feel omnipotent.
What would cause a narcissist to sadistically abuse someone close to them, a source of Supply-why not just discard them?
According to Sam Vaknin (“Malignant Love”), a narcissist would tend to display his sadistic side under two conditions:
reading Suggestion: What is Narcissistic Abuse?
1. That the very acts of sadism generate Narcissistic Supply to be consumed by the narcissist (“I inflict pain, therefore I am superior and omnipotent”), or
2. The victims of his sadism are still his only or major sources of Narcissistic Supply but are perceived by him as intentionally frustrating and withholding.
Sadistic acts are his way of punishing them for not being docile, obedient, admiring and adoring as he expects them to be in view of his uniqueness, cosmic significance, and special entitlement.
Tools Of The Sadistic Narcissist
Generally, the narcissist is not a full-blown sadist but because of his rigid personality and lack of empathy, he does inflict physical or emotional pain on significant others.
With repetition, he learns to enjoy their suffering as it becomes associated with the generation of Narcissistic Supply.
The sadistic narcissist abuses his victims verbally, mentally, emotionally and physically.
He destroys their self-esteem, constantly demeans and humiliates, abuses their confidence, may hurt their loved ones, threatens their stability and security, withholds love and sex, and freely criticizes in private and in public.
Reading Suggestion: The Narcissist and Emotional Abuse
Not uncommonly, the sadistic narcissist masquerades his sadism as scientific and objective concern.
He plays the part of the psychiatrist or the father figure, the only “true” friend, or the experienced mentor.
These sadistic acts weaken their victim’s defenses and splits their already frayed nerves.
Fear and Hate
Sadistic narcissists take pleasure in being feared, or even hated, by others. It makes them feel powerful and God-like.
They get drunk with power when they see looks of horror or disgust on people’s faces; it makes them feel like other people think the narcissist is capable of anything.
This is an asset that the narcissist develops and cherishes. Hate and fear are guaranteed generators of attention.
After all, it is always about generating attention (Narcissistic Supply, his drug of choice).
Acts of sadism are just one more tool in the narcissist’s toolbox that he will use to gain his needed “fix”.
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53 thoughts on “Dealing With a Sadistic Narcissist – A Look Inside The Mind Of A Narcissist”
This is my mother exactly! Growing up with a sadistic NM is like growing up with a terrorist. Nothing was ever good enough.My mother allowed me to be sexually abused and did nothing. My mother remarried a man and they began to scapegoat me. My step dad beat on me physically and did terrible things to me,he hog tied me and put a shot gun in my mouth in front of my friends. Severe abuse by proxy and ambient abuse indeed. It was always made out that everything was and is always my fault. What a heavy load for a child. I am now trying to forgive myself for ever loving my mother…and that is sad within itself. She is dangerous&full of hate.
I think that (from all the research iv explored), you loved your mom caus you were human & innocent child whose strength to allow yourself the life you deserve is in itself–is the best gift of all!!!
I met a wonderful, compassionate, kind man (& handsome…lol!) but gradually red flags & her public degradation, humiliation & sadistic desire to treat him as you hav described ur sadistic mom’s terrorist mind control as if he is a cinderella slave & (exactly wat uv described…), beat, blamed, forced to lie, isolate & denied access to his finances! If he sees me(who by now after 20 months ,keep my distance due to advice from ppl from trauma that she enjoyed exposing me to watch cripple him to point Of indescribable traumatized frontal hippocampus frontal cortex damage leaving himconfused & somehow obedient although he hates his life & wants to be happy, the control seems to on the edge!? Wanting to be strong yet angry that ,”she beats him down to a 9 year old sad slave trapped! I can’t imagine what a brief encounter with his mom changes him into a puppet obidient slve waiting to “get it rite” so he “won’t loose his fam?!” & they will reward him by giving him access to his SSD check which they take n punish him if he expresses desire to go out! He’s worked 100 hrs all yr & received $17!?!?! Til ,”they c proof that his head’s on straight!?” It’s unbearable & ur fortunate that you broke free!!!!! Any suggestions …
Seek out adult protective services in your area. Educate yourself more so you can get out of the situation and still have your sanity
There are many resources that can assist you in finding your owe place. Programs to help you maintain life only getting your SSD payments.
One person cannot go up against an abusive family- SSDI will always believe the family. Protective Services will always believe multiple family members over one “unstable” person.
Aimee, I can identify with your pain. I had a similarly terroristic childhood filled with physical and emotional torture after having experienced real love and safety in my grandparents’ home the first 5 years of my life. I too can’t find it in my heart to forgive myself for not only loving her despite all her abuses, betrayals and thefts but for including her in my own family. Of course part of the problem was that in between all the horrors, she would show me glimpses of being a loving mother so that I’d always think, If I do this differently or If I change my appearance she’ll give me some of that love again. Alcohol played a huge role in my family and as such, I was her drinking buddy for a time. As with all alcoholics, she became viciously offended when I informed her I could no longer drink (at least not like a pig as we had always done before). Ugh, I could go on an on but you get the gist. I hope you can have a nice holiday season as I know this is a difficult time for us children of NMs.
Any child of a person, I use the word person hesitantly, that is having difficulties forgiving themselves for acts done to them out of their control, needs to seek out a higher power to help with this. A God of your understanding. God will teach you to love yourself enough to forgive yourself. Find God and you will find forgiveness over time. I myself am learning this. It is a beautiful thing to learn to live yourself. You are worth it. Prayers.
I am so sorry to hear the level of abuse you suffered at the hands of those who should have loved and protected you. You are worthy of love and respect. Devote your life to healing and not letting what they did to you make you like them in any way. See the beauty in your heart and realize you have the power to make a new life for yourself. You can be the opposite of them. Don’t let them win. Let the compassion you feel for others like you make your heart a haven for love. You deserve the very best because you are still here and you are better than them. They and what they did happened to you, but what they did doesn’t have to define you. You are a winner!
Aimee, how traumatic and to think you had to experience that as a child from people who are supposed to value and love you, people you should trust. We never know what goes on behind closed doors in childrens’ houses and the trauma they are forced to endure, as prisoners.
I’m so sorry that was your life and you carry those memories and trauma.
You are exactly right, it is like growing up with a terrorist.
I’ve foolishly called someone an emotional terrorist, and she responded with more punishment. It’s taken me a long time to learn to just minimize the damage as best as can be in a world where people allow this type of daily cloaked behavior until they kill someone.
oh you poor thing. with my mother it was all emotional abuse, parental alienation, child abduction and child abuse with the manipulated siblings abetting.
I cant forgive my naivity about narcissm and the law but its too late now, whats worse, 13years of ambiguous loss with my doctor disenfranchising me.
I do hope you are young and can afford to reinvent yourself, be the person you want to be and to make a fresh start, I wish I could.
aimee, I read your post and I can relate to your abuse. It is so hard for me not to go into the trauma bond and Stockholm syndrome, cognitive dissonance puts me in a state a denying the reality for the sake of survival. I realize the truth but in a few moments he can dupe me as if he hypnotized me. I keep trying to not see him anymore but one call or text throws me back into the arena. I am trying to find out how to get out of the trauma bond and the Stockholm syndrome, the numbing state where I start to go back to a safe place with someone who did love me and I was safe. Do you ever feel what I am telling you I felt? I met someone recently who tells me that they had that experience all their life in very painful dangerous situations. I want to find a way out of this. It does get worse and worse, and they do indeed move the goal posts back further and further. It is a dangerous relationship. I am so sorry they you also have to deal with this. We can overcome this, and I will use all my energy to become whole and help myself and then others. I want you to know I felt every word you said and I know what you went through for I went through it also Aimee.
Aimee, I also wanted to add that four things hold us to these abusers, 1. the threat to our survival 2. we see no escape 3. The on and off abusive to nice behavior 4. Isolation. So much is written though in my opinion not enough about the Stockholm Syndrome and Trauma Bond and Cognitive Dissonance, but we need to find the way out of it. You can go on Google and find ways to get out of the Trauma bond, and to heal to heal and get out of the Stockhome Syndrome. But I have a problem with the cognitive dissonance, perhaps that is helped with a meditation called mindfulness, it puts you in the present moments. They say to feel what is really happening at that moment to experience how you are feeling. I felt absolute terror, totally stuck , like in a warzone or a deer caught in headlights. But I did eventually get the strength to get up and say to the abuser, he was the negative force and I was leaving, but I felt afraid of him because of his threats and he did learn everything about me. Please let us get to know each other. I would like very much to know someone who has gone through the things I have and survived, we are strong and I believe we will get out.
This was a major struggle for me. I am not with my husband anymore, but I am looking for books, online support groups, to help heal. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.
Are you still out there?. My mother is also. I’m 52 years old and would love to share experiences!
Sounds almost the same my father did to me and my sister. Its very hard or even impossible to put myself back together after all of those abusive years. If you ever want to talk you can hit me up. Stay strong.
I read your comment and I have the same type of mother. I have recently understood that and although I have therapist and a supportive boyfriend, I live in fear and anxiety all the time.
My mother is a sadist who psychologically tortures and torments me. She has put a knife to my throat at least five times since coming to live with her after I lost my home. She will wave a knife in my face and just two weeks ago, she actually drew the knife back as if she was going to lunge it through me. She really is sick. She took me in at the eleventh hour. She is abusive and gets drunk and uses foul and degrading words to me about my weight calling me a great big pigging fat cow. She has put her fists in both my ears whilst I have been doing the washing up as she grits her teeth and jaws and will stand there just clenching her fists and shouting how she hates me and how she wishes she never had me. My sister is the golden girl. Anything that I own she hates. She has gone so far as to gouge tears into the wallpaper so that when people call here, she can say: “Look what my daughter’s cat has done” and she gathers support and gets people to join in the hate against me. I get blamed for everything that goes wrong. Always have done for the last 64 years. I was not wanted from birth. Even my father who was also an abuser from physical, sexual, mental and emotional looked at me with detest and resentment, just like my mother does. They wanted a son. I was frequently called a little bleeder and can remember red marks on my arms from a very young age. If I am ill my mother cannot even be bothered to bring a cup of tea for me to the bottom of the stairs of my attic junk room. She refuses me any heat and I am forced to buy 3 bottles of calor gas a week costing me £70 a week. Even when the calor has run out early evening when the stockist is closed, she will not even allow me a small oil filled plug in radiator. Even if I beg her because I am freezing cold and unwell, she will not allow this heater on. When I have phoned her before moving back home with her, she would constantly put the phone down even when I phoned up in a desperate situation and in floods of tears. She feels nothing and is detached, haughty and distant. She cannot connect with anything I say. She blames me for my failed relationships with abusive husbands who also beat me. She can feel no empathy whatsoever and is totally cold blooded. I had two sadistic parents. What bad luck. I have been neglected, abandoned and abused all my life and the extended family have also followed suit. Nobody would ever speak up about my parents cruelty towards me. Either they could not be bothered or they were too frightened of my mother. My sister is an even worse narcissist and she and my mother close ranks against me with both of them making me live in a climate of fear. In my mother’s living room, to ensure that I feel cold, she will either place a cabinet in between me and the gas fire, or put my chair far away from the fireplace. I suffer from fibromyalgia and this hates the cold. In the heat of the summer she will not allow me to open the windows in the sweltering hot stinking living room which smells of dog who has a bad flea problem. I tend the dog and bath her and give her tablets and spray her red raw patches to heal them. My mother who claims she is an animal lover will just sit on her butt all day and read books. She will never clean, has always hated cooking, and her home would never get cleaned unless I do it. I am constantly washing, wiping, cleaning, sweeping, mopping, vacuum cleaning and bleaching everywhere. When my father was alive there was constant conflict with my father not wanting windows open and my mother constantly re-opening them after he closed them. This caused parental friction but now I live with her and my father is dead, she never has a window open. When she goes to the shops I sling all the living room windows open and also open the back and front door so we get a lovely fresh airflow, but if she happens to come back early and catches the windows open she will go absolutely berserk. And then she starts: “This is my home and if you don’t like it then get out”. Everything with her is me, I and my. She is totally ownership obsessed. She will look for the fear and anxiety on my face in my current extremely vulnerable situation. She loves having the power to help me or not and watching the fear on my face whilst I await her decision. She is lapping up my extreme anxiety. I do all the gardening back and front and sweep the driveway. I put all the rubbish out to the bins in the garden and then drag the heavy bins out for the refuse men. She will wake me up in the early hours of the morning if I have forgotten to put them out the night before due to being exhausted. When I was working 80 hours a week and giving her good money for rent which she never declared, and I still did all the work for her, she never took this into consideration. Now I am sick and unable to work and she still demanded money from my basic state pension even though I have to pay £70 a week for gas. Everything is money. That is all that matters to her. She even suggested that I sleep in her bed. I could never do that. She makes me live in fear all the time and this has nearly crippled me. I am very depressed all the time but have nowhere to go. I am so anxious and tense all the time and this forces me to grind my teeth so much so that teeth actually break and I get extreme head pain. I suffer vertigo and tinnitus and extreme exhaustion and sometimes the pain in my muscles, bones, tendons and ligaments are so painful, I can hardly get out of bed. She is constantly looking for something to make an issue over when I am dragging myself around in discomfort. This freezing cold north facing attic room was the bedroom that I shared with my sister when I was ten when we moved here. It was so cold we had ice on the inside of the windows. My father removed the plug from our only form of heating which was a small fan heater. He also took the plug off the record player so that we could not play our records. My sister got taken to hospital because she would actually freeze and you could not even move her fingers, but as she was the favourite nobody even noticed my suffering and depression from a young age. My sister took pleasure in telling me recently that when I was a little girl my father would take me into the toilet and demand that she stay outside because she would know what was going on. This means that when I was a little girl I must have looked up with trusting eyes to those who I should have been able to trust. My father always used to say: “Suffer little children to come unto me”! How they traded off my love and my 88 year old mother is still doing this. Isn’t strange how some people like me suffer all of our lives from abuse from others too. Sometimes I think that I must have something stamped on my forehead such as: “Damaged. Abuse me”! Oh my god how I have suffered. Thank God the end is in sight. I am even losing my faith because I cannot help but think, how could a God bare me to a mother like that or a father. If I give her presents she will sometimes throw them back. I bought her a lovely pink silver foil balloon for mothers day and hung it on the tree outside as a surprise for her but she saw me and made nasty gestures of distaste and dislike through the living room window and yet if my sister had done this, she would have been the angel. Anything I do is not good enough. Anything I give her is not good enough. She even has a downer on a beautiful little cat of mine who has cancer. The little cat has been operated on but only has a limited time left to live, but she is such a loving and giving little animal but my mother even has a downer on this little cat. Usually the little cat follows me like a dog and stays up in my attic room with me but sometimes she will sit on the living room chair but my mother will persecute her and chase her out and put her in the garden. When I say: “Mum how can you have such a downer on her? She is a little cat with cancer. She has weeks to live, not months”. She will say: “Oh there’s nothing I can do about that”. In fact this is all she mostly says. She is ruthless, treacherous and a pathological liar. She is an attention seeker at all times and a very masterful manipulator. She is scheming, devious, cunning and engineering. She even managed to manipulate a situation whereby I was cheated out of a property that a dear old lady and neighbour wanted me to have, along with all of her possessions but both me and my sister have the same name. My sister’s second name is my first name and you can imagine the confusion that this can deliberately cause. I have gone from one disastrous relationship to another and from dump to another when for the last 35 years I could have been living in the property that this dear old lady wanted me to have, but my sister ended up getting most and I got nothing. Oh my God I could write a book about it and maybe I will one day. So many people including Police and doctors know about the abuse I receive and nobody does anything, but I think my mother is so clever that she poisons them against me and makes me look like the bad one so I feel it is hopeless to do anything about my situation because abused people never seem to be believed. She tries to frighten me about the Police and how they have got me taped! In front of two Police Officers in our very own living room, she confessed that she hit me and they did nothing!!! So I think it is the other way round and I actually have the Police taped and I do mean that. I recorded the conversation unbeknown to them. The two Police Officers also started abusing me in my mothers own living room making facetious remarks about: “People of your mentality” when they had no idea of the truth. I felt that they were trying to provoke me into reacting whereby they could either section me or arrest me, but instead I secretly recorded them. I have learnt through years of abuse, to stay ahead of the game and I am always watching for people’s facial expressions and behaviours in order that I can be first off the mark. I told her the other day that she only treats me in such an abusive way because she feels safe to do so. When I had breathing difficulties last year through a terrible cold and chest infection, I opened the top half of our front door in order to get some air because I could not stop coughing enough to catch my breath. My mother slammed the top half of the front door into the side of my head and shoulders. She is wickedly cruel and when she starts ranting and going berserk her eyes become transfixed like a crazy person. She punches me, slaps me, has cracked me around my legs with her walking stick as I have run up the stairs, she backs me up against the wall or door as she slaps me around the face with a tea towel or a few days ago out in the garden she slapped me around the face with a wet skirt that she was hanging on the washing line. She threatens to poison my food and I have never had so many bad stomachs as I have since I came to live here. If a tea towel falls on the floor where the animals have been sniffing, I immediately pick it up and soak it in bleach, washing powder and hot water and my mother goes crazy shouting at me everybody has to eat a peck of dirt before they die!!! She gets me to cut the grass and cut the high hedges and at one time I started cleaning the windows, but I have stopped that now. I buy all the plants and shrubs for the garden and plant them and tend them all and water them all. She is so lazy that she will not even point a hose at them after I have rigged it all up but she can walk at least five miles a day with the dog. I do the weeding. I do everything and still she is not happy. My sister and her husband and her two children and their partners do nothing here. My sister will phone every day but anyone can pick up a phone and then my mother slags me off to her or my sister does to my mother and when I get upset, my mother says to my sister: “Oh well, she’s psychotic isn’t she”. I have always been labelled mental or some such other degrading and humiliating name. I am sitting typing this at nearly midnight after my mother started ranting for me to come down stairs immediately to take my cat upstairs with me. He was sitting in the kitchen hurting nobody. Because I did not jump immediately, she deliberately let him out so that he could cross the road. You see, she does not feel alive unless she is inflicting pain on me whether that pain me, mental, emotional or physical. If I am not compliant then I have to be punished. That is the way she works. Is this all life has to offer? I guess it is, because I have no means of escape. Nobody is allowed to call here to see me. She has isolated me and tells me everybody hates me around here. She is lethal and toxic and extremely dangerous but nobody will house you here with so many animals who I am not parting with as they are my reason for being. The only thing that keeps me going is because I know that one day I will be released from it and all my suffering will be over.
I’m so saddened by ur story as I can empathize due to witnessing my adult (once boyfriend) friend going thru similar abuse with fear of loosing the same fam who treats him like a cinderella slave & sadistic mom cult leader!
I researched & called a trauma hot line which may be able to help you obtain your civil rites to life, liberty & pursuit of happiness!!!
I don’t know what his mom’s abuse consists of but he appears hypnotized as if given electro-shock & puppets her words that he’s fine , he has to get it rite, etc , but he complains yet won’t seek help to free himself… I hope u contact a help-line to get u away to happiness u deserve…my friend has remained home isolated on edge of his seat with the dangling carrot of promise to gain control of his finances, “wen he gets his head on strait & gets it rite?!” Then wen I c him, his mouthe to feel deserves punishment–iv informed him that 50 yrs is “time served!!!” he appears unable to smile as if brainwashed that, “he better not!?” I just hav to let him kno he’s not on hous arrest & its not his fault!? He flip-flops as if confused & fearful of abuse ???
I’m so saddened by ur story as I can empathize due to witnessing my adult (once boyfriend) friend going thru similar abuse with fear of loosing the same fam who treats him like a cinderella slave & sadistic mom cult leader!
I researched & called a trauma hot line which may be able to help you obtain your civil rites to life, liberty & pursuit of happiness!!!
I don’t know what his mom’s abuse consists of but he appears hypnotized as if given electro-shock & puppets her words that he’s fine , he has to get it rite, etc , but he complains yet won’t seek help to free himself… I hope u contact a help-line to get u away to happiness u deserve..
Dear Cinderella, I can empathasize so much with you and it breaks my heart to know your sadness and pain.
I too grew up with a very sadistically abusive father who was a narcissist. I knew things weren’t “normal” growing up (and afterwards) but I always thought there must be something wrong with me. Looking back it is amazing how I survived being beaten to where I still have damage. He always found “reasons” to beat me and would even “set appointments” to do so. Very, very sick.
I too was scapegoated by him and his second wife who was also a nut job as well as alcoholic). Fortunately she didn’t last long and soon after was on her 3rd husband before age 30.
I think I was “chosen” because I’ve always been quiet, kind, very sensitive, and I look a lot like my mother who died under strange circumstances when I was very young.
I am almost 50 years old (divorced) and despite counseling and medication somedays are hard because of “flashbacks.” I try not to ask “Why?” anymore because I know it wasn’t my fault. They had serious problems. When my father died several years ago I thought I’d have “freedom.” To some extent I did but you never forget.
Cinderella, I can tell just by how you write of your love and caring for animals and plants you are a beautiful, kind, and nurturing person.
Always know it is NOT YOU! Your mother will never change. It is sad these people have so much hatred inside of them for whatever reasons. No matter what you do it will never be good enough for her so don’t blame yourself for trying. Even at your parents’ ages they are still very, very dangerous, phsically and emotionally.
Please work on getting far away from her and focusing on how incredible YOU ARE & how much you have to offer. It is extremely hard to want a normal daughter/ parent relationship and know in our cases it just will never be possible. It is a death of sorts but it just will never happen. I don’t know why life deals some people better hands than others. Surround yourself with friends you choose, friends who love you unconditionally and are kind and supportive. You are very deserving of love
It is a rough road “letting go” of trying to have a normal relationship with them but they are toxic and it just will never happen. You must put you first and start your life now, no matter what your age. Give yourself the childhood you should have had. Treat yourself to ice cream, building sand castles, swings and slides on a playground, and being silly. Remember it is not instantaneous but rather a life long process.
Sometimes I get down and feel self-pity but I try to remind myself of all I have accomplished on my own. Your screen name, Cinderella, is perfect as I see a very happy and successful future for you after all you have been through. I see so much good in you! I wished I were there to give you a big hug but I’m sending you a “cyber-hug.”
I just can’t believe how she could be so cruel. You have got to try to get some sort of help and get away from her my heart really hurts for you. You are in my prayers tonight
Your story is exactly like mine to EVERY detail. Also the property and an immense amont of money being stolen from me and given to my sister and me being homeless with fibro. People have always called me cinderella but were too selfish and cruel to do something. The only difference is, That I left my mum behind and now she lost her cleaning lady (me)and other slave, my dad, who died after she threw him out of “HER” house which was in fact given to them by my grand father. I have been abused by everyone I know and I know a lot of people. So I hate everyone .
Hello Cinderella. Write a book. Tell no one. Certainly not the demon witch. My mother tried to kill me. TWICE that I know of. Through our greatest pain is our greatest healing. Others need to hear of this atrocity. Your right the victim is silenced by the disbelief of others. The unwillingness to help. Last year I watched my older sister go to her grave still seeking validation from the demented witch. The reason you are hated is because you cannot be broken. Your Mother may have given birth to you but she did not give you life. God gave you your life
And you’ve been surrounded by wolves trying to tear you to pieces every minute of every hour of every day of your life. And why? You have something they cannot possess. A power you have been conditioned and convinced you don’t have or can’t use. You are stronger and have great potential, even at this point of life, and the only goal of these soul sucking ghouls is to destroy that part of you because it sickens and frightens them at the same time.
I am very familiar with you kind of suffering. Your voice needs to be heard. You have the keys to your own freedom. This concentration camp form of family dynamic was never intended for you. Believe in yourself. WRITE THE BOOK!!!! keep it hidden from the monsters. They will only laugh in your face and rage at the audacity that You think you could have success in your life. DO NOT LOSE FAITH!!! Cast your line out one more time.
Your freedom is yours. You have it within you to take it. God never lost sight of you. He will hold you and keep you right where your at and free you from your oppressors. Write the book. Find a way. God bless you. Fly be free!
Cinderella, You have been through a warzone also. You need someone who will validate your reality. I understand the suffering, my mother and father were sick as all other siblings as well became as a result of witnessing all that abuse, they became abusers. I have repeated the cycle by getting involved in Malignant Narcisstist relationships. I believe now that it was because subconsciously I wanted to make them not be abusive and to be loving, but this can never happen. It took this last MALIGNANT NARCISSIST TO WAKE ME UP, HE WAS THE WORST OR PERHAPS I WOKE UP WHEN HE TRIED TO DESTROY ME AND GET ME TO DIE. He is gone now but I am still in that trauma bond and the stockhome syndrome, also going into cognitive dissonance, a survival technique that occurs in us subconsciously when with abusers or violence.
Cinderella, I see this was written in 2014 and it brought me to tears. My father was very much the same way. I wotked and was going to school and he would lie and sabotage me for trying to do wrll and escape. He tried killing my animals. Unfortunately my brother is now the same, even physically beating me, falsely accusing me. Like in your case the police are worthless and believe him, despite him being court mandated for psych evaluations and arrested. They’ve yelled at me for no reason as they believe his ridiculous stories. The only relief came when my father died but now it id from my brother. He is most likely schizophrenic from what most professionals tell me. He’s also an alcoholic narcissist who feels he is above everyone and when he doesn’t get what he thinks he should (delusions of grandeur), watch out. I have permanent pain and permanent physical damage from him beating me. I ended up in the hospital for 6 days yet the police still believe him.
Is there any possible way you could find a room to rent that you could afford or get assistance? You’re such a kind, beautiful, loving person who deserves so much happiness. Very likely the fibromyalgia is coming from the depression and you’re right, the cold doesn’t help. These types of people will do ANYTHING to hurt their narcissistic supply. And if something happened to us, they’d just find someone else. I pray your father is in hell and your mother and sister will be too.
Dear Cinderella,I hope you get out!!! please! That “woman ” deserves HELL in ALL it’s torments!! Leave, now! Before they Kill you. You will Die if you stay there any longer. I felt such rage when I read your account of these terrible abuses . Run
Get money . By any means, and RUN. SHES A PSYCHO. If I were you,I’d film her. Then dump her in the worst psychiatric facility you can find. Or old age home. Too bad I wasn’t there. I’d for sure teach her something. Ever since I read that she abuses you this way,you come back into my thoughts. Again and again. You need to do something! Anything! or she’ll kill you. DON’T allow her to rob you of dignity and light. You deserve so much better! I have to admit I hate her
I hate her with everything in me. I grew up with someone similar to this, although not quite as rancid. I also was married to a sadistic narc/ sociopathic ex. I told myself No More! You should film her and commit her . And tell your sister off. Refuse to take this anymore. Your life is at stake. therefore you’re justified. Self defense is really a thing. I don’t know HOW you keep your sanity. I’d have snapped long ago. Kudos. I beg you to do something, anything, within the law,to expose her after you secure a residence. Go to a woman’s shelter and say it’s a man. They’ll help you. I’m so very very sorry for the literal hell you’re enduring. May everything she’s doing to you be revisited upon her. I’m sorry, I have no love for sadistic ppl. none. They’re monsters.
Dear Cinderella, gosh ,that’s horrific what your mother has done! You need to get out,or they will kill you. Look up Gray rock, and Medium Chill. these are techniques you can use for dealing with these monsters.Stop cleaning,stop catering to her every whim. Allow her to get angry, maybe she’ll have a stroke. This is abuse of you,plain and simple. You need to be expressionless around her. show no fear, no hate. they feed off stuff like that. The situation is intolerable for you,so you need to leave. Soon. or they will kill you,one way or another. Let her get mad and beat you,then out her by showing everyone the bruises and take photos of them too. Stand up for yourself. Refuse to do anymore unless you and kitty are shown a bit of respect. And move. GO TO A SHELTER. Even if you have to lie and say it was a man who did it. Get out. She’s fully capable of murder, and may already be poisoning you. Get a hidden camera, and plant it near the food. You can buy them in Amazon. The app. I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through and I am praying for a way out for you. Sending you love and hugs and support. Merri.
I was at the mercy of a sadistic narcissistic former landlord. He won a judgment against me with perjury, the judge bought all his lies, and slammed with a huge amount of money to pay this monster. He terrorized me for almost a year. He kept threatening me with all kinds of legal actions, talk to my present landlord, take over my bank account. Until I realized that he derived a lot of pleasure from doing all this things. So I turned the tables around, I sent him an email stating that I would no longer answer his text messages, that I had legal options if he dared do anything against me. Since he was harassing me through email also, I told him I will post everything he has sent me on FB, Linkedin, Tweeter, every media outlet that I could think of. He sent a series of texts , that I showed the police and they called him and told him if he continued with these threats and harassment they would get a warrant for his arrest. He stopped. You need to turn the tables on these monsters and beat them at their own game. It is true, they think they could do anything they want, that laws don’t apply to them. That have the worst sense of being God, that they can destroy you any time, but only if you let them. He made me cry so much, that I thought about killing myself. In the end he is probably biting himself, ( these monsters are like rabid dogs, once they bite, they don’t let go) because he cant intimidate me anymore.
Someone very close to me is living a horrifyin mind controlled torturous life (which I witnessed too many times to count) at the hands of ‘mommy dearest’ but continues to obey, fear & isolate to extremely mundane tasks with confabulated unrealistic dream of monetary gain!
I am sorry to read that so many other ppl endure a life which viates a human’s Civil Rights of “unalienable pursuit of life, liberty & pursuit of happiness”… Also violates the words of the Emancipation Proclimation to not get paid as slave labor , etc!
I was told by pice that I must go to station & file a report but I am becoming consumed with protecting my adult male scapegoat son of this ‘monster mom’ that I hav been attempting (2 NO AVAIL!?) appeal to his logic thru every venue ie-research, the Bible & my observations of his confused ‘crazy making’ lies of her distortion of truth!!!
In my research & Abuse Hotlines, I m advised that his only way out is thru NO CONTACT!!!
I know this is almost impossible due to the duration & ritualistic degradation & public humiliation rendering him (& those in pain too) that self esteem , confidence & verbal social skills are diminished & also he truely believes that ‘IT’ is powerful (I assume?!) so he remains in self imposed jail totally isolated & depressed due to lack of money to pursue any life since he’s been set up to fail!! He had worked TWO TORTUROUS EXHASTING 50 hr weeks @$2/hr & GAV all to his abuser for a $15 haircut but continues to wear rags, used painful boots awaiting ‘IT’s order to work “& get it right!?”
I am his only friend who is his witness as it is too horrific for most ppl to believe!!!
He regresses thru her yelling, etc to a helpless 9’yr old in her presence unable to assert his need for happiness & brainwashed in fear almost believing in denial that ‘IT’ means well??? Almost as if he’s a mtid personality?!?
I hav sought help everywhere & only solution i kno of is filing police report with the research & documentation of the observed acts so HE’l b given the help necessary to begin the process of healing!
I kno that will mean I may not see him for at least a year but if help is out there, he deserves (as do all others out there living in constant pain & fear of sadistic torture!) a life that he CHOOSES !!!
Good luck in your endeavors to find peace & happiness!
The Cinderella life & the fact that his body is becoming too abused to last much longer is terrifying to me (I needed to add!)
He always as in brainwashed manner says,”I gotta do what I gotta do!” Which are ‘ITS’ words!!! I got jobs for him which fiends of mine offer to help but for some reason (& everything g’s a secret!), he may only do ‘what ITturns up” for him to obey without question but with a LIE of a happy ending?!?! It’s extremy upsetting to observe I can’t imagine living in his Hell!!! I hope all of you find the escape necessary for hope of a life!!!
My landlord is a narcissist, with an inferiority complex. He thinks himself noble, and becomes angered to the point of meltdown if anything/anyone suggests in the slightest way that he is not.
You can tick him off by simply offering a helpful suggestion. He brings things up that happened years in the past, but no one noticed until he went off. It’s like he’s been harboring these things for years, and you’re just now finding out about it.
He does things to tick you off, anything that he thinks he can deny that he knows will make you angry. This guy poured ice water on some 14 day old puppies that were under the house, and it made him happy, you’d think he’d won the lottery.
He comes to the house under the jest that’s he’s there to do repairs, just so he can do thing to piss me off or intimidate me. This is what he was doing when he poured the ice water on the puppies.
He’s claimed that my dog has bitten his little girl, not once but on two separate occasions. A few days after he poured the ice water on the puppies, he came back again, he brought his little girl with him, on a school day, so he apparently took her out of school just so he could bring over here knowing she’s afraid of my dog. If the dog had bitten the little girl twice before; Why on Earth would he bring her back into the same situation?!
He’s now going after me, my dog, and anything else that he thinks will affect me negatively, or will make him feel superior because he’s doing things that I can’t defend against. Insidious is the nature of his acts, he does things when I’m not there to defend against them, when my back is turned.
He has accused me of trying to make him look bad in front of other people, he’s convinced that I have somehow victimized him, and he’s set on revenge, or on gaining the upper hand, turning the screw on me, showing me who’s the boss.
He’s sick, and can’t/won’t admit he has a problem.
I’m taking him to court to get a protective order, and I’m getting a Notice Not To Trespass issued to him so he can’t come around me, then I’m getting as far away from that sick bastard as I can.
Just in case anyone who reads this is thinking of renting from him, or having any kind of involvement with him, his name is Donavon Barton. He lives in Honaker, VA
Do yourself a favor, pass him by and keep going.
Is there any way to get adult friend to a safe house if he fears that leaving his solitary confinement will caus him to loos his fam & home /jail& fam/cult sadist abused slave who I’m desperately in need of advice to get him help
I am dating a narcissist sadist.i don’t know why I cant leave him even though I broke up a couple times and went back to him.the crazy thing is that I don’t hate him for the abuse .if anything I feel sorry for him. why is that
Because it’s a very ancient and sophisticated demon. I’m not saying this from some religious based ritualized stance, like the person needs a priest to get rid of being possessed. But the thing I have come to know from living with my abusive husband for a decade, is that this demon that drives narcissism has had thousands of years to perfect the methods that trap us. The kinder your heart, the easier it is for this demon to use your goodwill against you. It is a kind hearted persons nature to want to help those in pain, and you see the pain that initially drove your narcissist to this defense mechanism. And that sad. My husband has his own childhood past full of abuse. But then, so do I. And I do not enjoy hurting people or allow myself to hurt people whilst making excuses to continue that behavior. I would never engage in the abusive and sadisitic behaviors my husband does. its important to recognize that the narcissist is not a victim. They choose that behavior. They chose it step by step over time. It might be easy to see how the initial choices were taken to protect a hurting child (themselves), but they have been given every opportunity to choose otherwise, to give up that crutch since then and haven’t. Somewhere along the line, they agreed with it, that abusive behavior, they began justifying it. That is not a victim. That is compliance with it.
I was a narcissist for many years, a result of childhood abuse by my parents and a neighbor. In order to retain self worth during those horrible years, I adapted a grandiose self image. But as I grew, my desire to love others, and failing to do so, has pointed out my unhealthy behaviors and I have chosen to give them up. My husband does not do that. And it sounds like your partner doesn’t either.
One rule to live by is this, you are not doing anyone any favors by treating them as though they are healthy and worthy of a healthy person in their life when they do not respect or love that person in return. It took losing some very good people for me to realize that my narrssacism was not going to bring me peace and happiness. It was people leaving me, losing them, that woke me up. So do him a favor and tell him exactly why you are leaving him and walk away. He won’t change while you stay and say, it’s ok how you treat me, I’m not going anywhere. You think it speaks of love to him, but it doesn’t, it’s not a motivator to change. Leaving is. If you love someone, you don’t let them be sick and withhold the medicine. Your walking away is the medicine for the illness he has.
And me more thing, you are not immune. I have a very strong sense of self worth. I have been through a lot in my young life and have had to love myself in order to endure. I thought I could handle the abuse. And I faired much longer than most. Years upon years. But it will get to you. It will eventually tear you down. No one gets out alive from these kinds of encounters. Enduring the abuse only gives it time to seep into you and believe me it will. I have been beaten by my parents, trapped in a foreign country for a decade, betrayed by family members, sexually assaulted as a child. And I got through all of that with a boisterous love of life. But the insidious and maliciousness of living with a narrsassist (and I had already lived my childhood with two) in my healthy adult years, this brought me down. I didn’t even realize it was happening until the last year and a half I lived with my husband. It’s slow, methodical. And the more forgiving and the more loving you are, it just gives this demon the time it wants to achieve its goal…to pebble by pebble tear down your mountain of self esteem and joy for love and people. I’m paying the price now. It’s shocking to me, really. After all I’ve been through, I never thought one person could defeat the self love I had. But, like I said, this demon is smart, and patient. It befriends hurting children, promising “love and protection” all with the plan to rear them into the very thing they feared as children, an abuser themselves. And it doesn’t care how long it takes. And there is no escape. Th more time you give, the more effective it is. Get out. For you and for the man you love. Now. Your loving nature is the very thing this demon is preying on.
I wish it’s that easy to leave
Wow. Thats well said. I also suggest you drop the ‘i wish it was easy to leave’ and leave. Save yourself, maybe youll save your future children from having such pain in their life.
How do i know? Because i stayed, had 2 children with him, been through many years of confusion and agony, 20 years later, i left, but the children are still very much there.
If i could take it all back and save me and kids all this pain, i would. My lil one has 9 more years of hell with this dad. So imagine the life you can have.
Yes, leaving if you do, is in fact the easiest part, belief me, then you still need to recover from all that pain. All my energy and resources I wasted, he was sucking the life out of me, and 1,5 year further I’m still not ok, I try to be a good parent. It’s exhausted me, it deflated me, I isolated myself and still do, I was so embarrassed of all the bad tales he tells everyone, and they seem to belief him, him with 4 duis, battery and assault charge, and so much more, and I have no such history, yet he is the poor victim, and I’m the crazy ex. I still am building myself up, and afraid I will yet again run in to someone like him. I have had normal relationships before. I feel bad for my children, because I’m not feeling 100% and reading all of this, I need to change it, to get back what he took from me, otherwise I still stay his victim even though he is not in my life anymore, it’s so confusing I keep feeling like it was my fault, something wrong with me and even have had times I totally neglected myself, it was 7 years of abuse, feeling all alone, wouldbt even go out, afraid to even be around people (Constantly hearing his snide remarks) and i was worn out so he got a new one…. and wanted to keep me om as his best friend, so he coukd still use and abuse me.. no thanks. It’s so depressing cuz I invested so much in it for someone totally not worth it. Plz don’t become like me, it’s even harder being out if the situation. My kids are pulling me through.. and I’m even more adamant to turn this around for me, I don’t accept to be a victim any longer of his…
This is my husband…tonight’s video call proved it and it’s disturbing reading this article describe just what’s happened.
Although I’m not a doctor, I researched too much in order to help by understanding the many issues such as yours!
Perhaps, the duration of time you’ve endured due to him placing blame for his acts on you or, there’s a part of him that shows you the loving treatment you deserve & you despately hope he’ll show compassion if only you can give him what he needs!
You deserve happiness (& he may use strategies such as expressions of love to get you back), I’ve learned–he’ll never change, feels NO empathy & LIES!
I witness my adult boyfriend enduring sadist humiliation, (& cruelty beyond imagination) by cult-like family & I saw a trauma therapist.
Leave especially because, it will only become more cruel & difficult to break free!
You can do it!!!
This is the mother of my two children, my former spouse. I’m in my 40s so I’ve seen disturbed individuals before, but never anyone like her. She knows she is cruel and sadistic, and she punishes as a rule, then punishes again if you tell others, even authorities. The children dislike me for my view on the behavior even if they call her crazy (a word I don’t use).
Society can accept talking about physical disease and illness yet it is not socially acceptable to talk about mental illness that devastates families like a drug, alcohol, sex or gambling addiction. It’s like a new bomb or new shooting every single week, sometimes every single day.
The sadistic narcissist won’t hear they need help, doesn’t care about extending empathy, appreciates your empathy and care until the second it’s over and will not do anything to stop the cruelty, seeing people as collateral damage.
Have you got out yet?
Illnesses you can cure . This is much more horrific and they can’t be healed !
Hello , I’m a victim of a mean father, now there are labels , not when I was a kid. It was a very euro hood, my first language was Finnish, my Grandma , who I loved, was scary when needed., It worked, No Love No Smile. no Forgiveness, unless I begged for forgiveness, that of which a 3 year old, could have done, idk, but I knew I missed the love , same thing happened with her son, IThamk God Everyday for my pure faith, I like many others have gone thru a house of horrors, it plays with your head, from a time when family secrets r guarded by blood, church, friends , u did not talk about it! But I guess my intelligence saw thru mental illness, but I can’t deny it has left a deep impression on my soul.
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.
You i hate say that those words alone is the biggest wrong quote of all times.
Words do hurt and they can sometimes leave a person feeling as if they had just been picked up and thrust agaiant a wall. I am in a relationship that u am badgered, degraded, bword bashed, belittled, broken on a daily basis. However; if i just keep my mouth shut listen to the ranting and ravingbofca a person mad about god only he knows what or why. Rather from his childhoid, past relationship it will go away! But on the other hand if i change the subject whech i always can by takibg one sentence from it raving twist it around making hos alter ego feel he the best thing that ever hit this planet! Were ok again. But if i just set there anx take it. It goes in for hours hour worrhless i am, if i woukd just die, i mean it gets pretty tough. I stick it out because i know whats inside this persin. and i know there is good! I have seen and lived with the goid alter ego for sixteen years! Met Mr. Alter Ego a few months into! Its hard and i want to walk away but i cant make myseld give up on the real persin.
Well how do you know who is the real person? Maybe he was just hiding? It’s all him. And if he isn’t getting it and not willing to work and change …there is no hope of changing… I totally get you, yes hours and hours of ranting, and just sit there prey plz cab it be over. You listen fir hours, but IF you have something you need to talk about he can’t take 5 minutes to listen to you, I heart that, oh not that again… he trapped you…with showing some sweet sides of him… so you stay. It will never be him, unless he recognizes what he does is abusive and work on it. The longer you stay the more grip he will get…and someday he will find someone else cuz you’re all worn out and won’t give him that pleasure anymore, you won’t see it coming and he moves on like he never knew you…. so keep the honor to yourself
I totally agree with you said. Thanks very mucu. Initially I don’t understand why the person I am interacting with is behaving so strangely, abusing me from time to time either emotionally or verbaly. Now I understand that actually he is a narcassist .
I have a great granddaughter 7 years old living under those
Same terroristic threats constantly from her mother’s live in boyfriend. Her Mother totally ignores me and says that I am CRAZY! I have plenty of first hand witnesses. The above
NARCISSISTIC LIFE describes that Baby’s life to a T.
What are my options?
Record the abuse however way you can . More likely the mother is being brain washed mentally abused also.
Than call child protective services
And maybe even the police !
Fighter, my mother is in her eighties now. I still live with her due to circumstances, but planning to leave the parental home. As a child, the only physical contact I recall with her was pain: she used to wash my hair and scrub my scalp so hard it made me cry and scream in pain. The neighbours could hear me, she used to tell them I don’t like my hair being washed. Then she used to clean my ears with cotton buds, so painful that my ears were bleeding. Unfortunately, this is the only physical contact I ever had and will have with her. No hugs, or smiles or any joy, just rejection from her part. A frustrated and angry woman she was. When my father became weak and frail and needed someone to look after him, she used to feed him solid, dry food although he had no teeth and couldn’t chew. Then kept him lying on the floor hoping he would die- luckily I came back from a trip and found him, just on time to take him to hospital. I can’t explain the bitterness in her, apart from the fact she was seeking revenge for her own difficult childhood. I still loathe the sight of her, pretending to be a respectable old lady.
Jackieflo I’m sorry to hear, I don’t think you can do much..:( if your daughter can’t see it, BUT you can be a great grandmother and teach her with it what’s normal and give her your love. It WILL make a difference in her life. I was abused by my stepfather and my mom couldn’t pull away and do the right thing. Eventually I did became that difficult girl they could say you see it’s all her (sure an 10-11 year old). But my grandmother was awesome, she just recently passed away at 101 years old. She spent so much time with me, she took me and my mom and stepdad in for a year when little, my grandfather was still alive then, I stayed over almost all weekends, we would do fun things, go on holidays, and I’m grateful she and he were in my life, someone to trust, a safehaven, she knew exactly later when older 12-14 yr what was going on… and I started to talk to her… so you can do that and can make a difference. I was hurt by my mom too..I spent years not seeing, then see her, then not.. she 2 years ago did leave him, and stood at my door with a suitcase, and is living with me ever since. It still is hard because there was/is a lot of hurt. She does recognizes it, she feels a victim too. When I left he turned to her, and hit her as well, Sometimes that angers me, I’m like you were an adult, I was a kid (I ran away at 14) If I could do it as a kid..then. She still has that victim role often, and with it it feels as my hurt doesn’t count. It be always a touchy relationship, but it’s normal to love your parents, to want to have parents, at some point if possible you can decide if you want them in your life, but it will never be perfect 😉 I so wanted a family, I’m jealous at these nice large families. I now have 2 kids, my husband passed away… unfortunately after that I was vulnerable and fell prey to a narcissist. It was awful… but we survived and still picking up the pieces. I do think a broken childhood can set you up for Narcissists… and with my two kids I hope to create a large warm loving family (Haha in expecting lots of grand babies ;))) my grandmother showed me love …
Ok grew up with sadistic narcissists as parents & family. Nightmare. Power & control, violent, could have died but didn’t left with disabilities. No one ever picked up on it.
When gave Narc supply when young fine, but when challenged did not like.
Needed Narc supply from pple. I don’t. Get it from myself & God.
Then with a few sexual sadists who do not like me.
My Brother is one too poss a psychopath.
Very difficult situation at work with sexual harassment, bullying & just split from sadistic partner- mind control have to be careful..
Also child is a Narc.
Met Narc at work as well, gave job, no thanks nothing.
Decided to watch pple first. Have it with males & females, dump you.
He got married in a chateau. Lots of pple,family etc.
Cutting them out of my life & hope to meet a kind, non Narc person to share life with soon.
Then met them at school, workplace etc.
Went to a school reunion, omg they do not like me and in competition.
Went to a big tragedy & got cornered by a guy, wanted an interview, which gave, them trying to get me to go to his flat. Omg!
So need to be very careful.
Glad when teen is not here, very hard work.
Narcs have lots of people all around doing things for them, is that right & dislike when you ask them to do things. Shout at you!
HIS OR HERS
50 years after I went through (most) of the abuse from my sadistic Narcissistic mother, I figured something out. I say most because her abuse continued until she died. Maybe this will help someone –
Her torture for me included being forced to kneel on dried kidney beans on the kitchen linoleum, backhanded slapping, belittling, and her extreme outbursts.
I pieced together a pattern for her behavior. Her agitation that preceded these episodes of abuse seemed to be centered around her own insecurity – she was threatened by my assertions of independence, my maturation, my success, or figuring out how nuts she was.
Three of her later outbursts were over my paying down my mortgage, my college graduation in my 50’s, and finally her physician figuring how nuts she was. I am inclined to believe that all of her bad behavior was really a manifestation of her own low self esteem, a.k.a. envy.