Whether you realize it or not, most of the narcissistic relationship happens inside your head.
Sounds crazy?
Think about it for a moment. You’ve been gaslighted. Instead of taking the narcissist’s words for face value, they purposely ignite uncertainty in your mind. It starts to race and overthink.
Slowly but surely over time, your mind converts to the orders of the narcissist. An air of fake reality constantly circles above you, and it’s close enough to draw in and reframe all your thoughts.
The grip of the narcissist is strong but not impossible to break free from.
I want to show you how right now!
#1 Start Owning Your Truth
If you can learn how to own your truth then, what can I say…
You are a narcissist repellent!
Unbottled and unable to purchase in-store, you can keep narcissists at bay simply by standing firm in your reality and refusing to let anybody take it away from you.
Those uncertain or unsure moments can be gone if you look closely at why they’re being taken from you.
More importantly – who is taking them from you.
The reason the narcissist has a grip on you is because they take what you think or believe, and turn it into some kind of problem for you. Whether that be how you perceive something, or how good you actually might be at something – they can take it.
Not only can they take it, they can change it.
Which changes you.
The grip here is strong because you subconsciously, over time, surrender yourself to the narcissist and fall into their powerful grip.
In owning your truth and standing by what you believe, the narcissist cannot do this successfully.
#2 Stop Falling For The Charm!
The charm of a narcissist is a little like a honey trap. They lure you in purposely so that you end up falling for their every word.
I sometimes refer to the charm of a narcissist as charming a snake. You’re almost hypnotized by the song they’re singing to you, and nothing around you can penetrate your stare.
No – it isn’t supposed to be this way. Releasing yourself from that involves foreseeing the charm and not buying it.
It is that easy, and it almost creates an eye roll every time they come to you with a new, grandiose story or item they’ve just purchased. They want your attention and want to impress you.
That grip means they’ve captivated you and can start molding and shaping you as they see fit.
Avoid the charm – avoid the mold.
#3 Boundaries – Be Okay With Them
Oh boy. If you’re going to release yourself from that controlling narcissistic grip, you’ve got to set those boundaries.
Now, I fully understand the difficulty of going from submissive to assertive, but you can do it. Start small. No means no, yes means yes, and you can even apply consequences to breaking those boundaries moving forward.
This can look like:
I told you I wouldn’t engage further with you if you brought that up again, so this is me walking away from this conversation.
I know it’s a huge change to start to apply any boundary suddenly, and the narcissist will fight back. Their ego won’t believe your attempt to protect yourself, because they will feel entitled to owning every part of you.
This doesn’t mean you bow down and admit defeat. The grip will loosen when they realize they can no longer control you as they once did.
#4 Dump The Enablers
They’ve got to go. It’s painful—you may have once been pretty close with some of them.
Enablers, however, will only continue to make you feel bad about yourself. If you speak up against the narcissist, they will find ways to defend themselves. If you appear more assertive, you’ll likely be accused of being petulant or behaving unnecessarily.
In truth, having enablers in your life is unnecessary, and if you lose them, the narcissist loses some of their power. After all – who will they use to fight their battles for them now?
This will also give you the chance to meet new people, make new friends, and create a fresh, perhaps smaller circle away from the narcissist. As much as they will hate that, they can’t do anything about it.
Their grip has to loosen.
#5 Keep Your Eyes Peeled
Eyes everywhere!
Your attitude and behavior toward the narcissist will only change when your eyes open to who they really are, both with you, and with other people.
Watching them and how they interact will really give you the time and space to believe all the ways you’ve been treated have been wrong.
Narcissists are two-faced people, and the only way you’re going to be wide awake to this is if you watch how they act in different situations.
In the store, in a restaurant, with their family, with your family, at work, in private. You’ll see the varying personalities come and go, and that inconsistency will be enough for you to step back and release that grip a little.
There is no way a narcissist can maintain their hold over you if you are not buying what they are selling.
#6 Be Strong in Your Reality
It’s a tough one, and so easy for me to say when some of you may have spent years with a narcissist. You’re emotionally and mentally fatigued – even drained.
As your reality has trickled away from you from the narcissist’s gaslighting techniques, you probably wonder how you can be strong in something that doesn’t even exist.
I’m here to tell you – even remind you – that it does exist.
If they’ve pretended to take care of you, or your kids if you have any, and you know they haven’t – they haven’t.
If they like to take facts out of context – they’re still facts.
If they are pretending to be the victim even though they’re the ones victimizing – you know this.
Narcissists love to validate themselves by invalidating others. If you know your reality and stand firm within it, then nothing, and I mean nothing, can alter that.
That goes for narcissists too.
The best part is, when you finally get to that point, it’s so empowering that you won’t ever be able to see yourself returning. Yes, the narcissist will despise you for it, but that’s only because they’ve lost their grip on you.
It’s time to start making friends with your inner strength and reality – and build your new chapter there.
