Wow, I think I have met the world’s most wonderful, talented, amazing, charming, loving person! I am sooo lucky!
Oh no. You fell for it, didn’t you?
The wit. The smile. The aura. The allure. It was all there.
The narcissist came along, and swept you off your feet and now you barely remember your own name.
This stage of any narcissistic relationship is known as the love-bombing phase.
If it were any other bomb – you’d run a mile!
People fall for it because they want one thing – to feel loved.
But why exactly does the narcissist love-bomb?
The Narcissist and Their Cycle of Abuse
The phrase, ‘what goes around, comes around,’ can also be placed on the narcissist and how they create a cycle of abuse.
No sooner are you feeling happy and loved, you are being forgotten.
As soon as you feel unwanted and discarded, they will return and start over again. Narcissists cannot maintain a happy, consistent relationship. They thrive on creating drama and watching it unfold before their very eyes.
They do this because they themselves have never been given a consistent relationship with anybody important to them. Using what they know and are drawn to, they will always prefer the highest and lowest of lows.
But no matter where they are on that scale – nothing will be their fault.
The cycle of abuse keeps their victims hooked. It creates pockets of moments where even the smallest gesture of warmth, and I mean the absolute minimum, will be gobbled up and accepted because it’s all they have been offered.
If you were starving and only offered one french fry, you’d feast on it as if it were a five course meal.
The Cycle: Reminder
Remember how it goes:
Idealization – love-bombing, flattery, compliments, grand gestures, fake promises
Devaluation -Ridicule, criticism, humiliation, mockery, insults
Discard – Silent treatment, gaslighting, rejection, neglect
Hoovering – Fake apologies, more fake promises, lavish gifts
Wait a Second – Go Back to Love-Bombing!
Ah yes, Love-bombing. It’s a contradictory term, isn’t it?
Bombs are destructive. They displace people, start, encourage, and continue the war, devastate environments, and displace people.
So why would the word ‘love’ come before it??
To prove that actually, love-bombing is a dangerous act of manipulation created and mastered by narcissists, designed especially for victims to suffer in the end.
The Narcissist and The Fakery
Behind all love-bombing, lies a fake person intent on giving you what you want so you become emotionally attached to them.
A narcissist can’t go into a new relationship with the same vulnerabilities and emotions as the person they’re sharing their time with. That doesn’t mean those vulnerabilities don’t exist.
Vulnerabilities don’t sit well with narcissists, so they hide them and replace them with all the traits that eventually become toxic.
6 Reasons Why Narcissists Love-Bomb
Let’s get down to the task at hand and look at the direct reasons a narcissist will use love-bombing on you.
To Lure You In
Initially, the narcissist needs a good reason for you to fall for them. They aren’t charismatic by nature, so they tend to fake it until they make it. LOve-bombing a metaphorical way of fishing. They will hook the bait, cast the line and wait for you to nibble. As soon as you do, they will reel you in and keep you close to them.
Out of water, you are theirs to control.
To Keep You Hooked
What a great catch you were! You Shower them with love without getting any back. You cook for them even though it’s never quite right. You work and contribute even though you could earn and do more (do these sound familiar to you?)
After the love bombing, the devaluation will make you feel all of the above, yet the love bombing is so strong that you’ll tolerate it all and more.
They landed on their feet with you!
Once you’re hooked, they don’t want you to get away. If they can feel you slipping away, they will pull you back in with more fake love, and more fake promises.
To Create Positive Memories
Anything you do together that’s good, will be another notch on your positive memory list. The narcissist will invite you to a huge concert you’ve always wanted to attend. They will get those VIP seats.
If you want those shoes, the narcissist will get them in three different colors.
If you want to go away for the weekend, just say the word. You don’t need to see your friends or family when you can spend so much time making memories with the narcissist.
(Red flag alert).
Positive memories will make you feel loved and wanted – and most importantly very special.
To Refer to at Later Dates
Those positive moments are important to create because when the proverbial mess hits the fan, you are going to be reminded of:
All the wonderful things we did.
That beautiful vacation.
All the promises I made!
How I feel about you.
Positive memories come from love-bombing, and that’s exactly what creates and forms a very strong attachment between the narcissist and their victim.
To Create a Persona
It’s just as important for the narcissist to impress other people when love-bombing than it is to impress you. You’ll find them tagging themselves on social media whenever they do something romantic with their new love interest.
You will also hear them at the bar telling anyone who listens how romantic they are and how thoughtful a partner they can be.
Every time they love bomb, it acts as a stamp in their book of good deeds. They waved the book around, showing everybody they were a wonderful person.
This is where the next point is the most important…
- To Prepare You For What’s Next
What comes after the love bombing is the shocking and saddening, not to mention painful, act of devaluation. It will feel as though they have totally changed personalities. The loving, charming person you once knew has faded into oblivion and left you with somebody cold, callous, and calculating.
Desperate to find that person again, you’ll do anything to get back what you had.
An extended period of time will be spent trying to do that before you finally feel it’s all over. That’s when they will swoop back in.
If the love-bombing hadn’t initially happened, you’d not be inclined to stick around for a fraction of that time waiting for the love to return.
And that is why the narcissistic cycle of abuse exists.
Seeing Through The ‘Love’….
If you are experiencing this cycle of absolute devastation, it’s important to equip yourself with the knowledge and wisdom of what love-bombing is. As glorious as it feels, it isn’t real.
