So… you want to break up with a narcissist? Let me start by congratulating you on seeing the light. Narcissists ruin lives, and they ruin many people’s views and beliefs on what a healthy relationship should look like.
Breaking up with a narcissist can go one of two ways, depending on how you deal with it at the time.
There are good things to say, and there are terrible things.
Knowing the difference between the two will help you get through this as painlessly as possible.
Let’s get started – the advice starts here!
The Best
- “I Don’t Want This Anymore”
Simple, really. Being bold and open will get you places, especially when you are looking to walk away from a relationship with a narcissist.
It doesn’t matter what they want anymore, the time has come to focus on you and your priorities.
Setting time aside to appear unsure of your decision to break up is an invite to the narcissist to keep you hooked with the toxic tactics.
You are better than that.
- “Please Do Not Contact Me”
Firm, clear instructions to not contact you is a strong way to break up with any narcissist.
You’ve earned the right to be free, to have privacy and to move on without fear of a message popping up in the middle of a good day. Telling them that you don’t want this is a good platform to start on.
This can be aligned with you blocking them on all forms of social media, as well as your phone and email. Let their messages be sent out into the world, and left ignored.
- “My Mind is Made Up”
Firmly confirm that no matter what they try to say or do, there is no going back. This isn’t a debate. This is definitely not a moveable decision.
You want to end it, and you don’t want the hassle of being reigned back to the push and pull dynamic that you are so longing to escape.
Stick to your decision, and let them know there’s no room for reverting the clock back and trying again.
- “We Can’t Be Friends”
Remaining friends with a narcissist after a break up means you are constantly around somebody whose fragile ego is reminded of what they’ve lost.
This is like a permission slip to get into your most vulnerable emotional places. They know what makes you tick, they know what drives you wild, and they know how to push all your buttons.
Do you really want to be around somebody who is constantly at risk of creating unnecessary drama, especially amongst other friends?
If things become bumpy in the friend zone, they won’t hesitate to recruit anybody you’re platonically close with.
It’s far better to oust them altogether.
- “This is What I Want”
Conveying what you do want leaves no room for interpretation. The narcissist will definitely try to sway your thoughts, and convince you that you don’t want to end the relationship, but if you keep maintaining you do, and voice it in as emotionlessly as possible, you are on a strong track for moving on quickly.
Narcissists want to try to convince you what you want, and their attempts to make you look crazy or uncertain will be impressive – but stick to your guns.
The Worst
- “I’ll Always Love You”
I want to shout “Noooo!”
I hope you can still sense it, even though you can’t hear my voice.
Telling a narcissist you love them is pretty much the same as saying, “Actually, you know what, I don’t think I will break up with you, after all.”
They want to be loved and admired, but more than that, they expect it. It’s almost more like a demand. To hear you say you still love them means there’s a strong chance they can change your mind.
Do you want your mind to be changed?
- “I Want to Keep in Touch”
What for??
What could a narcissist post-break-up ever give you?
There is no improvement to your quality of life it will only get worse.
No happiness can come from having them stick around. Imagine trying to move on and eventually starting to date again, and the narcissist catches wind of this. You will never hear the end of it, and will be bothered repeatedly.
Delete them from everything they have access to. I would even go as far as deleting anybody they closely associate and speak with too, because you might find the odd person trying to encroach on your business and relay information.
No.
Cut them off completely.
- “Can I Have my Stuff Back?”
Ouch.
So you broke up with the narcissist before you anticipated getting all your stuff back.
This is going to prove difficult, but it is a lesson learned all the same if you so choose to do it this way.
The break up has to come last. The preparation for it must begin, and be organized.
If you have things at their house or in their possession, slowly start to get them back, bit by bit. A DVD here, a sweater there. Clock it all, and get them back before you even dare to end it.
If you don’t, you’re going to have to settle for the fact that you will probably never see those items again because the narcissist will see them as pawns in the game of chess they’re trying to play with you.
Is it really worth it?
- “I Just Need a Little Time”
Time to think equals time to manipulate, according to the narcissist.
Time to change your mind.
Time to get in your head.
Time to prove you’re making the biggest mistake by leaving them.
If you put across that it’s time you need, you’re also not very likely to be granted it, as the narcissist has zero boundaries, and will not listen to your wants or needs.
They will constantly text you, call you, or find ways to bump into you while you’re ‘thinking.’ They feel they have the right to be in your life until you tell them you do not want them around.
You don’t need time.
- “You Ruined Everything”
Any defensive statement you produce during a breakup will be the catalyst for further conflict, which will end up getting messy.
Narcissists love to be blamed because their blame game is stronger than yours. Anything you serve them will be served back double, so prepare for all the things ‘you did wrong’ in response to your blaming them for the breakup.
Yes – it was their fault, but you should be able to know that and own it without forcing it upon them. You don’t need the consequential drama.
