Narcissists like to think they’re unpredictable. They want you to wonder what will happen next each day, so you shift uncomfortably in your seat, waiting for their next move.
What a narcissist says and what they do can soon be predicted once you have them figured out, in fact, you can almost guarantee what they will say to get under your skin.
Note to self: You can get ahead!
You see, narcissists are actually pretty simple beings. They’re full of the same old games, and when you realize their limited yet favorite sayings, you can make a much easier life for yourself by finding the humor in their predictability.
This is where I come in – because I have the 6 top things narcissists always say, and I want to share them with you right now.
#1 I Haven’t Got Time!
Narcissists will always tell you they haven’t got the time, even if they do. They say this because you are entering into a conversation or situation that they don’t want to participate in.
It can be almost humorous to watch the sudden shift in dynamics as the narcissist refuses to engage. If you are asking too many questions, if you want to do something or find out a piece of information that they are not willing to give up – they will let you know.
You see, the narcissist wants to look busy, because they want to look important. How does this affect you? Well, they want you to think that you don’t have much of a life, simply because you’re engaging in what they see as unnecessary conversation with them.
#2 I’m Sorry You Feel That Way
Pay close attention to how a narcissist claims to apologize.
I’m sorry you feel that way is not the same as, I’m sorry.
The narcissist isn’t taking accountability here, it is a way to manipulate you. They aren’t holding their hands up and admitting they may have played a part in upsetting or disappointing you. They’re simply sorry for how you feel.
This is not a phrase that should allow them off the hook, and I know you want to be forgiving to keep the peace – but if a narcissist is saying this as their own form of apology, just know that it is not genuine.
#3 I Don’t Want to Make This About Me, But …
Well… you know what? Then don’t.
Oh wait, that’s right, you don’t know how to not.
We get it. You want to make it all about you, and when it isn’t, you are known to stamp your feet and get attention in different ways.
The narcissist doesn’t like it when the focus of attention isn’t on them. They want to appear happy for other people, but they just don’t have it within themselves to smile genuinely. They don’t, they won’t, they can’t.
So now we ask ourselves why that is.
I can tell you.
Narcissists are insecure. Not just a little, but a lot. They don’t like who they are, and they’ve been taught the only way to feel good about themselves is by making other people feel as small as they secretly feel themselves.
They see a person who is experiencing success, and they think:
Okay. This cannot last. What can I do to make this about me?
Salad Tongs Distraction
Many moons ago, I went to dinner with a group of people, and I was sharing something fantastic that recently happened to me. A few people began asking questions, which started a nice conversation about that topic. One person at that table picked up the salad tongs, and proceeded to mishandle them. They flew across the table and it got everyone’s attention immediately. The person in question laughed, and couldn’t stop laughing, and suddenly everybody else laughed too.
Usually, I would have laughed too, and I did smile, but I knew this person to be a narcissist, and I knew they didn’t like that people were paying me attention for those few minutes. It was a total shift, within the space of seconds.
Narcissists can make it about them with either how they act, or what they say.
#4 Why Are You Treating Me This Way?
This absolutely doesn’t need to derive from anywhere personal. You can be at home, and feel like popping to the store to get some groceries.
Why are you going now? I thought we were going to have an evening in? I was waiting for you to cook dinner.
Everything you do is treated as though it’s a personal attack on the narcissist, which is why they love to make it look as though what you do is somehow about them.
It’s not, of course, and I know that.
They don’t.
Everything revolves around the narcissist, so if they feel disjointed by your actions, they can twist it to seem as though they’re somehow losing out, or being treated without fairness.
#5 I Hope You Realize Who You’re Dealing With
Narcissism = dominance. They want to draw everybody to them, like a forceful magnet, and if you are being drawn to them, you’re also slightly intimidated by their mere presence. They love to know that people fall under them in the social, personal and professional hierarchy.
You’ll know about it when it doesn’t work out that way.
It might be that you cross them somehow. Question their abilities. Challenge their often misogynistic views. Correct them if they say something wrong, such as a fact or something they saw in the news.
Boy oh boy, do you know who you’re dealing with?
Well, the narcissist will ask you, and they will want you to back down and know your place. They don’t understand that your place is the same as theirs – and everybody else’s too.
#6 It’s Not Fair!
Boo hoo. Is life now treating them fairly today? Are they not getting exactly what they want, exactly when they want it?
Well, guess what. Stuff happens.
A learned behavior from a very early age is that sometimes we aren’t going to get what we ask for, and if you are emotionally healthy, you’ll understand how to manage it. That may involve making changes, finding ways out of an unfair situation, or working to be resilient.
Entitlement is the narcissist’s middle name, and they always want life exactly how they want it. If a day doesn’t align with that view they will not be afraid to speak up and say how unfair everything is.
