How Narcissists Control You With Positivity

Toxic positivity exists!

I know it sounds crazy – how can positivity be bad?

Well, toxic positivity is damaging, and it involves narcissistic personalities more than you think.

In the world of the narcissist (in particular the grandiose narcissist), everything is so wonderful. Life is fantastic.

Hey, what do you have to complain about?

Your stuff won’t matter to them in ways they will control you with, through their toxic, and so, so fake, positivity.

The Grandiose Narcissist

The grandiose narcissist wants things exactly so. If you dare come near them with your negativity or ‘grey cloud day,’ they will make you feel so bad for it. 

Well, you know, you should just try being happy.

You sound so ungrateful.

Where is your gratitude? Gratitude is everything. 

Why are you always so negative? You need to be like me – more positive!

And so on.

The grandiose lives in constant sunshine, and heaven help anybody who tries to ruin that for them!

Keeping the Room at a Good Temperature

Narcissists don’t like bad energy. They don’t know how to deal with it. If they see, hear, or sense you around them after a not-so-great day, they will challenge you to change.

Change. Just like that. Just for them.

Can anyone do the emotional equivalent of flicking a light switch from off to on?

No, I didn’t think so.

Yet the narcissist wants you to. They want you to snap out of it, because it’s not doing their energy any good. 

Never mind what you are going through – the empathy is not present for that!

The narcissist sets the temperature in the room, and if you’re making them too cold, they will scold you for it. You’re forced to live on their moodline – not yours.

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What For?

Narcissists struggle with you when you aren’t matching their energy.

They want you to mirror them, and the control they get from that is that you essentially match pitch. Think of it like this:

To the narcissist, you are in a band, and you’re both singers. The narcissist doesn’t want you to come to rehearsals with a tone-deaf style, completely draining them out of their talent. They want you to harmonize. 

Your negativity is a bum note.

It has no purpose coming into their light, and dimming it the way it does. 

Swooping in to Make You Feel Worse

How does it feel when the narcissist swoops in like a bald eagle, stealing your negativity and telling you that you can’t have it?

To be scorned for whatever emotion you’re experiencing can be invalidating. 

If you’re being asked, “How are you?” at the end of your day, what the narcissist is looking for, is your reply to be:

Yep. I’m good. Everything’s great. 

In their eyes, no other answer is acceptable; if you give one, they will make you feel worse. 

Pick yourself up and quit complaining!

Oh you had a bad day? You literally have everything you could possibly want!

None of this is going to make you feel any better – but that’s what the narcissist wants.

They want you to feel bad for feeling bad. 

In other words;

Get out of your funk because I don’t find your negativity very comfortable to witness. 

Move On! Get Over it!

Dismissing you is a form of control to get you just to forget your hard times. 

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Narcissists have the habit of absolutely falling into any positivity concept they stumble across.



The latest positivity coach or motivational speaker.

“Good vibes only” homeware.

“Laugh, live, love” signs up in their house.

They want to repel your bad days. They don’t want to invite anything other than those good vibes in. 

They won’t hesitate to tell you to move on or get over something. They say it in a harsh way that has zero sympathy attached to it (surprise, surprise…).

Instead, it’s your fault for bringing the mood down and for their response to your negativity. 

Move on, get over it, or get out of my face…

The Gaslight Effect

The gaslight is on and burning when the narcissist tries to control you with positivity. What you have to understand is – their positivity is not real. It’s there to keep themselves floating along nicely no matter what, and to keep you ‘keeping up’ with them.

They will repeatedly confuse how you feel about yourself, and during periods where you feel down can be some of the worst times. 

Can’t be that bad.

You’ve got it so much easier than other people. 

Soon enough, you’re left scratching your head and saying, “You know what? Maybe they’re right.

That’s where they’ve got you, and that’s where the control will find you.

It is generated by the shallow belief that their worlds are amazing, and nobody can bring them down (fist bump). 

Nothing is Right

The narcissist’s main aim is to put you in a position where nothing you do is right. It’s an unfortunate path for you to walk, because you won’t know which way is up or down.

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You will find their constant obsession with ‘positive vibes’ nauseating. Eventually, this can lead to people genuinely squashing down their emotions and hiding them.

You feel shame, guilt, and embarrassment—all because you had a bad day. 

Being Real is Being Better

Narcissists want to be strong to the world. They have it all – and they dominate! These dynamics raise the narcissist above all the chaos; above it all. 

Everything’s great!

Meanwhile, we all (to the narcissist) look anxious and weak just by being real.

Wow – they’ve got it all together!

How do they do it – what a born leader!

Yes – the cries of strangers bellow through the halls for all to hear.

The narcissist manages to come out on top yet again.

Healthy people live in the real world. Not everything is terrible, but terrible things happen, even to us. 

The impact of narcissistic toxicity can be real, and you might want to roll along with that ‘everything’s fine’ kind of vibe.

You don’t have to. 

See the world as it is. 

It’s okay when some days don’t go your way. The narcissist controls you with their false grandiose facade, and they can even get you to believe you’re the problem when you don’t reach for the sunshine the way they do.

Remember though – it’s an illusion.

Your bad days have a palace in this world!

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