Last Updated on May 31, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester
You broke up with your ex a couple of months ago, and half of his belongings are still in your apartment. So now you’re wondering, why hasn’t he asked for his stuff back?
Break-ups are difficult, and there are many reasons, including your ex doesn’t want to cut ties completely, your ex doesn’t want to communicate with you, or your ex is waiting for you to contact them.
Regardless of the reason, if you want a clean break from your ex so you can move forward, giving him his stuff back is the first step.
Keep reading to find out the answer to the question, why hasn’t he asked for his stuff back? and what you can do about it.
Why Hasn’t My Ex Asked For Her Stuff Back?
In most cases, after a break-up, people aren’t thinking about getting their belongings from their ex’s house and moving on.
They’ve still got too many raw emotions to process. Your ex might not have asked for her stuff back because she wants to cut ties with you completely, she doesn’t want to communicate with you, or because your ex is waiting for you to contact her.
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If you’re asking yourself the question, why hasn’t my ex asked for her stuff back? Keep reading to find out.
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#1 Your Ex Doesn’t Want To Cut Ties Completely
When someone wants to move on after a break-up, they’ll cut their losses and leave their stuff behind even if it was valuable to them.
In most cases, your ex will have blocked you on all platforms; you can’t call, email, or message them on social media.
By blocking you, they’re letting you know they don’t want anything more to do with you, and you can get rid of anything they left behind.
What To Do About It?
Your ex is well within her right to cut ties with you completely. If the relationship didn’t end well, she’d want to get on with her life and erase every memory about you from it.
If this is your story, you can speak to a mutual friend or family member and get them to assist you in returning her stuff.
You may also find that if you had a messy break-up, people don’t want to get involved; if that’s the case, you may have no other choice than to throw her stuff out.
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#2 Your Ex Doesn’t Want To Communicate With You
How did the relationship end? Was it a bad break-up?
Maybe it wasn’t, but because you were the dumper and now your ex has a broken heart, they’d rather not communicate with you because it’s too painful for them to deal with.
Don’t throw their stuff out just yet, once your ex feels emotionally stable enough to contact you, they’ll make arrangements to get their stuff back.
What To Do About It?
In this instance, you’ll need to respect your ex girlfriend’s wishes by not communicating with her.
Instead, use a middle man; this can be a mutual friend or a family member. You can arrange for them to collect the stuff and give it to her.
#3 Your Ex Is Waiting For You To Contact Her
Even though it’s their stuff, your ex is playing silly buggers and waiting for you to contact Her.
Yes, it’s a very immature way of dealing with things, but perhaps this is one of the reasons why you broke up in the first place.
There are a few reasons why your ex might be waiting for you to call. It could be because she wants you to chase her or because she doesn’t want you to assume she wants to get back together with you.
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What To Do About It?
If your ex is waiting for you to call, she’s probably pretty hard-headed, and that’s exactly what she’s going to do; wait.
Unfortunately, if her stuff is causing a problem, you’ll need to make the first move. If you have no plans on getting back together with her, keep the conversation short and to the point.
She will attempt to engage in a conversation with you that has nothing to do with her stuff so that she can reel you in, don’t take the bait.
Ignore her, and bring the discussion back to her belongings. If she’s intent on giving you the run around during the conversation, give her an ultimatum.
She can either come and collect her stuff; you’ll send it to her, drop it off to her, or leave it at a friend’s house.
Let her know that if her stuff is not out of your house within a certain time, you’ll throw them out or give them to charity.
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#4 Your Ex Is Being Malicious
Your ex may intentionally leave their stuff about your house as a way of marking their territory.
Even though you’ve broken up, they still feel you belong to them. Leaving their stuff at your home serves as a sign to their new partner that you still play some type of role in their life.
If this is the case, you’ll notice that your ex girlfriend won’t allow you to drop her stuff off, she’ll keep telling you she’s coming to collect it, and she never will.
You will feel obligated to hold onto it since your ex keeps telling you she’ll pick it up. Meanwhile, if you have a new relationship, this situation could hinder it from moving forward, which is exactly what your ex girlfriend wants.
Basically, she is trying to mark her spot in your home for as long as possible.
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What To Do About It?
After a while, it will become clear that your ex-partner is giving you the run-around, so you’ll need to put your foot down.
In this instance, send your ex a very polite message informing her that you’re giving her a time frame in which to collect her stuff.
If she doesn’t come and get it, let her know you’ll be throwing it out. You are well within your legal rights to remove property from your place of residence that doesn’t belong to you.
#5 Your Ex Has Forgotten About Their Stuff
Sometimes, we read too much into things and assume a motive behind everything people do.
That’s not always the case; there is a chance that your ex is so unbothered about their stuff that she’s forgotten you even have it. Of course, that depends on what it is.
I doubt she would forget about an expensive handbag. But random items like slippers, dressing gowns, or perfume are easy to forget, especially if they’ve replaced them already.
What To Do About It
Get in touch with your ex girlfriend and give her a friendly reminder that she’s left her stuff at your house, and ask her what she wants you to do with it. She is either going to tell you to get rid of it, to send it to her, or she’ll come and get it.
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Why Do Exes Leave Their Stuff Behind?
Are you asking the question why do exes leave their stuff behind? There are several reasons why, including emotional distress, denial, and wanting to protect their mental health.
These are all legitimate reasons why your ex doesn’t want to collect his/her stuff.
Keep reading if you want more insight into why your ex left their stuff behind.
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#1 Emotional Distress
As mentioned, break-ups leave emotional wounds, and a lot of processing needs to occur before a person can move on.
Experts state that when a relationship comes to an end, it’s accompanied by five stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Therefore, there is a chance your ex-partner is too consumed with their grief to think about collecting their stuff. That’s probably the last thing on their mind.
If you were the dumper, you won’t experience the same level of grief and it won’t take you long to move on with your life.
Therefore, it will be difficult for you to understand why your ex boyfriend/girlfriend is acting like this.
#2 Your Ex Is In Denial
You’ve just read that one of the five stages of grief is denial. This is especially true if you were in a long-term relationship and suddenly dumped your partner.
There was no lead-up to the break-up; you didn’t have arguments, neither were there any cheating rumors. It was literally, one day you were planning your future, the next day, you tell your partner you don’t think this is going to work out.
It will take a while for them to come to terms with your decision. There is no time frame about how long this will take; it could be a few weeks, a few months, or a few years.
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#3 Your Ex Is Protecting Their Mental Health
If your ex-partner suffers from mental health issues, they may find it too difficult to engage with you after a break-up.
Therefore, in order to protect their mental health, they would rather not speak to you. If that means leaving some of their stuff at your apartment, then so be it.
Should I Give Him His Stuff Back?
Yes, you should most definitely give your ex his stuff back.
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Why? Because it’s the right thing to do, you don’t have permission to keep them, it will prevent arguments, and so you can move on with your life. Here are three reasons why you should give him his stuff back:
#1 You Don’t Have Permission to Keep Them
The assumption is that if your ex boyfriend has left his stuff at your house, he no longer wants them.
In some instances, as you’ve read, that’s not the case. However, whether your ex-partner is communicating with you or not, there are some things that you should give back out of respect.
If he gave you any gifts, you can keep them, but if it was a family heirloom that it was agreed upon that you could only keep if you got married, give it back.
Other than that, you’re not obligated to give any of his stuff back unless he asks for it.
If you were living together, and he moved out after the break-up, and he had a dog, or he purchased other expensive items in the apartment, give them to him.
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#2 It Will Prevent Arguments
Some women will hold onto their ex-partner’s stuff as a form of revenge, especially if it’s items that mean a lot to him, like a game console or an expensive pair of sneakers.
I know he hurt you when he dumped you, but do you really want to get caught up in some back and forth drama because you’re upset about the break-up.
Arguing about stuff that doesn’t belong to you isn’t going to make you any happier, so let it go and give him his stuff back.
#3 You Can Move On With Your Life
If you’re grappling over whether to give your ex his stuff back, the relationship probably didn’t end very well.
If that’s the case, your goal should be to get over him as quickly as possible so you can move on with your life. Hanging onto his stuff only serves as emotional baggage, and it will weigh you down and hinder you from taking the next steps.
My advice to you would be to give all his stuff back before he even asks. And if you forget anything, return it as soon as you realize.
Ending a relationship is never easy, especially if it was long-term. Things get even more complicated if you were living together.
Personal property can cause a lot of arguments and frustrations when one person doesn’t want the relationship to end.
As you’ve read, because your ex is not ready to let go, one tactic they use is not to collect their stuff. When you want to move on, this can get tiring very quickly.
Nevertheless, you must remain calm and patient throughout the process, don’t engage in any arguments, and, if necessary, get a trusted friend, or family member involved so you can come to a peaceful resolution.
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