If narcissism were a tree, today, I want to dig up the roots and expose them.
I want to do this because narcissism isn’t just what you see and experience, it’s a personality disorder that has somehow become real in a person.
But what causes it? Can it just appear? Is it a random collection of toxic traits that can manifest within somebody’s character?
There is certainly more than one explanation, that’s for sure.
Digging Deep
Like many issues, you will never really know the whys unless you dig for them. Roots are hidden, unexposed yet responsible for what you see above ground.
That’s exactly what we’re doing today. When you see that narcissist, what you don’t see is the why.
PS. Don’t tell them we’re digging. We don’t want them to have the upper hand, do we?
#1 Neglect in Childhood
Somebody didn’t give them the love they needed as a child.
This kind of neglect can really play on a person in all the wrong ways. Lack of love over time can build into lack of self-esteem as well as self-worth. Imagine the lasting effects that can have on a person.
No support.
Minimal to no nurturing.
Where does a kid turn? They develop a deep need to be admired and validated by pretty much anybody who will give it.
It’s sad for the kid at the time, and nobody deserves to be neglected.
But what grows and is able to be established, is that narcissistic personality.
Their childhood has a huge void in that they feel they can only fill with everything external.
This is because they don’t feel they can fill it themselves with things like self-love and vulnerability. They learned those traits were bad.
And yes – now you suffer because of that.
#2 …..Childhood “Overlove”
Excessive praise from parents can over-inflate an ego early on in life.
The opposite of point one, right? Kids who are taught that they never do anything wrong, that they’re the best at whatever they do, being praised all the time:
Totally spoiled.
By not having to earn praise, it becomes an expected part of childhood.
Tell me I am fantastic all of the time just because you can.
It doesn’t seem right, and the proof is in the outcome.
If you’re going to tell a child this, they’re going to believe it no matter the situation.
They soon learn to want the attention, expect it, and demand it.
Make way for narcissism!
#3 Pressure From Parents
Too much pressure to achieve can give birth to narcissistic traits.
I don’t care what it may be:
Appearance.
School results.
Achievement.
Hobbies.
Sports.
Status.
If you push your child to extreme and to constantly strive to be successful, you’re creating the perfect atmosphere for narcissism to grow.
This is because children will see that the only way they can please other people is in the pursuit of perfection.
That need to be perfect will run into adulthood, making it more problematic for people like you or I, who have to be around these people.
#4 Trauma or Abuse in Early Life
Narcissism can be viewed to be a defense mechanism. That can be caused by early trauma or abuse in early childhood.
If a child goes through a traumatic or abusive time in childhood, developing narcissistic traits can be due to the desire to defend themselves.
Think about it this way: trauma takes away a person’s security. So they’re going to either lose themselves in it or create a defense so strong that nobody ever gets to their most closed-off memories.
Access to such would – in their eyes – leave them wide open for trauma all over again.
Narcissists say, no thank you to that!
#5 It’s In The Genes
I won’t argue with research here.
Genetics may play a role in how a narcissistic personality develops.
If there is a family history of it, one can be more likely to pass on their traits to another.
I don’t want to say this is the case for all, or even most, but it’s not impossible to pass on those negative characteristics.
#6 Attachment Style Insecure
Whether unhealthy or insecure, certain attachment styles can be a narcissism contributor.
Think about anything unstable in childhood, and the effect that can have on a child. These early years are crucial, and how you bond with your child matters.
Without secure attachment, the child is going to view the world very differently to you or I.
This builds the potential for narcissism to be a defense mechanism as they fear abandonment, feel inadequate, and certainly lack trust in others.
What protects a person from pain?
Projection.
#7 Influence in Culture
Living in a situation, be it culture or society, where a person’s individuality or achievements are celebrated to the point of developing narcissistic traits.
Mindsets can change when all a person sees is how to pursue your desires, or elevate your successes to the sky.
Where self-promotion becomes the norm, as well as the pressure to stand out from everybody else often lies a strong streak of narcissism.
#8 Parental Care… Where?
Without proper care, a child will grow to feel everybody else is unreliable, you will leave a child feeling insecure and uncertain of themselves, and the wider world.
One minute that care isn’t there, and the next will be a strong push for pressure and success.
This change in expectations can lead a person to need to pile on that high opinion of themselves to carry them through the more challenging days.
And that unpredictability will also biome what the narcissist sees as normal, bringing that to every relationship they encounter.
#9 Conflicts Without Resolution
Deep insecurities create unresolved emotional conflicts – and vice versa.
It all has to start somewhere, right?
Suppose you grow up thinking its normal to witness or be a part of conflict without resolution.
In that case, you’re far more likely to try to make up for the discomfort by exerting over-inflated superiority.
It doesn’t matter, I haven’t got time for this!
I’m far too important to get caught up in this web of crap!
It all comes from actually not being able to resolve. And that begins in childhood.
#10 Personality Inclination
Narcissism can develop if certain personality traits blend and boil to the right environmental factors.
Certain traits or temperaments will push a person to become more narcissistic.
It’s where you bring in how a child is raised, genetics if appropriate, qualities that already exist within the child – and see a narcissistic outcome.
That predisposition can and will be a red flag for a person’s susceptibility to become a narcissist in later life.
