Should I Call Him If He Hasn’t Called Me?

What do you do when he’s stopped calling, and you aren’t sure if he’s losing interest (or has already lost it)?

How do you cope when you feel desperate for an answer but also feel skeptical about reaching out and being the one to initiate contact?

Will the right man really ghost you if he cares about you? Are other women a cause for concern?

This guide will dive into everything you need to know. Let’s jump in. 

He Asked Me Out but Never Made Plans, Why?

He Asked Me Out but Never Made Plans, Why?

Maybe you’re here. You two seemed to have a good thing going on. He appeared interested in you, there was mutual chemistry, and you looked forward to where things were headed in the future.

But now? You aren’t so sure. He never locked down specific plans, and you’re second-guessing your last conversation. You aren’t sure where you stand and if you should reach out at all.

#1 He Doesn’t Want to Come Across Too Strongly

Maybe he’s just trying to play it cool. He doesn’t want you to think he’s really desperate or clingy. Instead, he wants to give it some time and then get to you.

Some guys will get really excited when they meet someone. They’ll ask you out and blurt out wanting to make plans.

But instead of concretizing those plans, they’ll wait a few more days. This usually happens when they’ve back-pedaled and don’t want to freak you out. 

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#2 He’s Keeping His Options Open

Why would someone make vague plans without any real intention of following through? 

If this is the case, it might be because the guy is just scanning his options. He wants to have a good time- but he doesn’t want to commit to it unless he can guarantee something better isn’t coming along. 

Guys who do this tend to be overly vague and then super needy. For example, he might avoid committing to anything.

But then he’ll randomly text you with something like, Do you want to get drinks right now? Or, Are you free tonight? 

In other words, his other plans either fell through (or he was never able to make him). And now he’s accepted that he wants to spend the remaining time with you. 

#3 He Just Wanted to Be Nice

Maybe he could sense that you were interested in him. And so, he tried to be friendly by making casual plans for the future. But, despite his words, he had no real intention of following through with those plans.

Most guys won’t readily admit that they lied to you. Instead, they’ll continue ghosting you. Or, if they do talk about it, they’ll continue acting in the same flaky ways.

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#4 He Was Warned About You

Do you two share any mutual friends? If so, they may be the unlikely culprits explaining why he hasn’t called you.

It’s common for people to share their feelings and plans with friends.

So, if he made it a point to tell others about his feelings for you, it’s possible that someone could have discouraged him. It’s also possible that another girl- especially a jealous friend who has feelings for him- tried to convince him that being with you is a bad idea. 

#5 He Met Someone Else 

It’s an unfortunate reality, but some guys will just instantly drop contact once they meet someone else. This may be the case if he suddenly ghosts you without any real warning.

Remember, most men who are interested in someone will make real plans to move things forward. So, if he hasn’t done that- and it’s been over a week or so- it could mean he’s lost interest altogether. 

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#6 He’s Shy 

Some guys avoid making the first move because they’re shy or insecure. They might assume you’re out of their league and worry about being rejected. 

If this is the case, he might act wishy-washy when it comes to locking down plans. He could be secretly hoping that you take initiative. 

#7 He Genuinely Forgot 

It isn’t the best excuse, but it certainly can happen. Some guys will get so excited when they meet someone they like that they become completely absent-minded.

So, in the heat of the moment, he may have been extremely eager to spend time with you.

But then he got distracted and forgot to actually lock down the plans. If this is what happened, you’ll probably be hearing from him soon!

#8 He’s Going Through Something Serious

Let’s say that you two just met and hit it off really well. He asks you out…but then never follows through. What happened? You’re sure you didn’t imagine those intense feelings!

It’s certainly possible that something serious could have happened in the meantime.

Maybe he just experienced a death in the family or a significant stressor at his work. Perhaps he’s in a real emergency and needs to focus all his attention on handling that specific situation.

So, if he hasn’t called you, it may not actually have anything to do with his feelings about you. It could just mean that he’s entirely focused on something else right now. 

#9 He Has a Girlfriend

This is a possible scenario. Some men- particularly the shadier ones- will still play the field to see what else is out there. If they meet someone they like, they’ll put on their feelers and try to have a good time.

But when reality hits, they back off. For example, they realize they don’t want to jeopardize their current relationship. Or, they panic that their girlfriend might find out what’s going on. 

#10 He Lost His Phone/Didn’t Save Your Number

It’s unlikely, but this situation could happen.

Guys can be forgetful and clumsy, and he could have very well misplaced his phone or lost your number before saving it. 

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What Does It Mean When a Man Doesn’t Call You?

It could mean a lot of different things, so be careful to jump to a quick assumption. If he hasn’t called you- or if he’s just stopped talking to you suddenly- here are some possible explanations driving his behavior. 

What Does It Mean When a Man Doesn’t Call You

He’s Scared of Commitment

It’s no secret that many men fear commitment. And many of these men will take elaborate steps to avoid any semblance of emotional connection.

If he avoids calling you, it could mean that he feels anxious. He might like you, but he’s worried about things moving too seriously. He may not feel ready for a real relationship- or even for taking the next step in getting to know you.

Guys who fear commitment tend to be wishy-washy during every stage of dating. They’re often vague when making plans, non-committal when talking about the future, and haphazard in how they treat you.

So, if he’s already avoiding contact this early on, it could be a cause for concern. 

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He Only Wanted Sex

Some guys just want to hook up even if they state otherwise. So, maybe he got exactly what he wanted, and he’s perfectly content with what he received.

If he only cares about sex, he probably isn’t going to reach out to you again- unless he feels lonely or horny. If that’s the case, he might contact you on and off based on his sexual needs.

But don’t expect any real consistency. He isn’t interested in a real relationship or emotional intimacy. Instead, he’s only looking after his own physical pleasure. 

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He Assumes You’re With Someone Else

Guys can be threatened by other guys. They don’t necessarily like thinking that they could be in competition with someone else.

Maybe he caught wind that someone else is interested in you. Or, he heard that you’ve been spending time with another person. Perhaps he knows one of your ex-boyfriends and believes that the two of you still have something going on.

If he believes any of these assumptions, he might avoid making things “more real” than they need to be.

He Is Very Busy

It’s not the best excuse, but it is possible. Some people just have really jam-packed schedules that don’t allow for a lot of free time. If he’s in a rigorous academic program or in a high-stress job, he might be extremely pressed for time.

That said, busy guys will still make an effort if they care. Even if it isn’t a phone call, they’ll send a quick text to know they’re thinking about you.

He Doesn’t Know What He Wants Yet

Maybe part of him likes you, but another part is uncertain or scared. He still feels confused about how he wants to proceed. And he might not want to hurt you by dragging you along.

Some guys just need time to figure out what they want. For example, if he’s newly single, he may still be processing his last relationship. Or, if you two just met, he might want to wait to see how his feelings unfold before taking things to the next step.

This doesn’t mean that you need to wait around forever. You have every right to look after yourself and honor your own needs. But it’s important to consider that he might just not be ready yet.

He’s Playing Games

Some guys love the chase. Other guys love being chased.

If he’s the latter, he will want you to work for his attention. He hopes that you will prove your loyalty to him by reaching out to him first- or by putting in more effort.

Games can sometimes be fun, especially when you two are just getting to know each other. But proceed with caution- men who rely on this strategy tend to be emotionally immature and manipulative. 

Mature, confident people don’t need to hide behind these silly dating strategies to go after what they want. Instead, they’re assertive and level-headed when it comes to love.

He Feels Insecure

Maybe he wants to call you, but he also isn’t sure what to say once he has you on the phone. He feels anxious thinking about the potentially awkward moments or uncomfortable silences.

And so, he might avoid the task altogether. If this is the case, things tend to get better with time. The more you two interact, the more comfortable he will start to feel.

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He Hates Talking on the Phone

Let’s be real. Not everyone likes talking on the phone. It can be awkward, intimate, and very overwhelming.

Some people want to wait until they’re in a committed relationship before taking this step. Others still avoid it- even when they’ve been dating for many years! 

But does he still talk to you frequently? Do you correspond via text messages, social media, or other forms of communication? In other words, are you routinely connected- even if you aren’t necessarily hearing his voice? 

If so, he just might be wary about making phone calls. In that case, his behavior has less to do with you and more to do with his personal preference. 

However, if you see him having no problem making phone calls to other people, that’s a cause for concern. It’s one thing if he avoids it altogether. But it’s another thing if he only avoids it with you, and that’s something that may be problematic. 

He’s Upset With You

What does it mean if he suddenly stopped calling you after a period of things going well?

It might mean that you offended or hurt him in some way. Try to think back to your last conversation. Did you two talk about anything particularly serious or taboo? Did he seem off to you at all?

If he’s upset, he might just need some time to calm down. If you’re pretty sure you did something that hurt him, it’s worth apologizing and asking how you can make things right.

How Long Is Too Long to Wait for a Guy to Call You?

How Long Is Too Long to Wait for a Guy to Call You?

There really isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer to this question. Technology undoubtedly complicates things. Before cell phones and the Internet, most people agreed that three or so days was an appropriate length of time to wait.

But now? Does a quick text carry the same leverage as a call? Does following you on social media convey genuine interest? Every guy (and the start of every relationship) is different, so there just aren’t foolproof answers! 

That said, many guys will avoid making contact too soon. They don’t want to appear as desperate or overly eager. They don’t want to come across as too strong in getting to know you. So, give him a few days to reach out. 

But waiting over a week is problematic. It doesn’t take very much time to make a quick phone call. So, if he’s dragging his feet, it probably means he isn’t all that interested in you. 

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What to Do When He Isn’t Calling You?

It’s frustrating to feel like you’re just sitting around waiting for his call. It may even feel demoralizing, especially if you thought things were headed in the right direction.

If you’re stuck in this limbo, here are some tips that may help. 

What to Do When He Isn’t Calling You

Think About What You Want

Forget his actions for a moment. What do you want with this guy? Are you hoping to move things forward? Are you interested in a relationship right now?

And how do you feel about his current behavior? Annoyed? Rejected? Confused? Upset? A little bit of all of the above?

Your needs are most important right now. Dating is a two-way street, so don’t neglect considering what you want in this situation. 

Wait It Out

Even if it feels agonizing, waiting just a few more days allows you to really see what’s going on. If he cares about you, he’s going to make contact- even if it’s brief.

This strategy requires patience, but it can be helpful in learning someone’s true colors. Men want to leave a favorable impression. He knows the ball in his court- he just might be trying to find the right time to reach out.

Stay Busy

Don’t just sit around waiting for the phone to ring. You’ll feel even more worried and frustrated as time goes on.

Instead, try to keep yourself preoccupied with other friendships and hobbies. Doing so keeps you focused on something other than his priorities. 

No matter where you two stand, you are more than the product of this relationship! So, don’t neglect your personal life just because you’re waiting for his response.

Avoid Social Media Stalking

It might be tempting to track his whereabouts, but it will only make you feel worse. 

It’s painful to see him logging in to different platforms, liking various posts, or sharing content if he still isn’t calling you. Observing this behavior will likely make you feel even more insecure about the status of your relationship.

So, if you’re in limbo right now, avoid fixating on social media. Set limits for yourself and try to prevent yourself from looking at his online habits. Chances are, your observations will only make you feel worse. 

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Don’t Ask Others

This strategy might be tempting, especially if you two share many mutual friends.

But it rarely offers positive outcomes. In most cases, going behind his back can make you look insecure and desperate. It also shows that you don’t feel comfortable talking to him directly about your feelings. You don’t want to start your foundation on that shaky ground. 

In addition, you don’t know if your friends will tell him that you asked. And it isn’t fair to expect them to hold your secret or cover for you. 

Ask Him Directly

There’s no reason you can’t approach him and ask what’s going on. If you two have been dating (or even if things have been going well for a while), you have a right to be informed about the situation.

Don’t beat around the bush if you opt for this strategy. Simply text or call him and ask him why he hasn’t been reaching out. His answer should help guide your next steps in moving forward. 

Require Accountability

If he does respond to you, it’s important that you make it known how his behavior made you feel. Otherwise, he has no reason to change.

Accountability can be as simple as saying: It bothers me that you hadn’t called in over a week. I don’t want to be with someone who isn’t upfront with their communication.

His response will definitely be revealing. If he cares about you, he will acknowledge hurting you and apologize for his wrongdoing. But if he’s sensitive, reactive, or doesn’t care about you, he’ll likely make it seem like you’re being unreasonable or demanding. 

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Should You Call Him First?

Should You Call Him First?

Is the old saying true, don’t call him, and he will call you? Or, is it more along the lines of, he hasn’t called in a week, is it over? 

Like with most relationship issues, it depends. Some guys are just clueless when it comes to dating women. Others enjoy the chase- although they might come back once they sense you’re ignoring them

Unless you explicitly ask, you can’t exactly know why he hasn’t called you. But if you’re debating your next move, here are some helpful pointers to consider.

You Don’t Have to Play Games 

This is an important rule for everyone to remember. You are under no obligation to play silly games when you’re dating. This applies at any age and with anyone. And if you hate games, don’t pretend like you’re interested in them just to get a guy interested.

So, keep this in mind if you’re debating whether to call him. A mature and healthy man will respect a woman who goes after what she wants. He will also be able to be honest about his intentions, even when vulnerability scares him. 

You Can Decide Later 

There’s nothing wrong with waiting a few days to see how things unfold. Chances are, nothing needs to be done imminently at this moment. Waiting it out may also give you both time to reflect and regroup.

If you take this approach, it’s helpful to set a boundary for yourself. For example, how many days will you wait and see? And if he doesn’t reach out, will you call him, or will you cut your losses and move on?

You Can Let Go

Has his flaky and inconsistent behavior become a pattern? Are you tired of having to second-guess his motives or attempt to read his mind?

If so, it might be time to reevaluate your dynamic with this guy. If it’s worth it, it will feel worth the effort. But with that in mind, the effort should be manageable. You should never need to compromise your values or sacrifice your self-esteem to make him happy.

You Can Send a Quick Text

Hey, I haven’t heard from you in a few days. Hope you’re doing okay!

Sending a neutral text sends a powerful message. First, it shows that you’re aware that he hasn’t been talking to you- and you aren’t letting it slide. Second, it also shows that you’re interested in him, and you want to make sure things are going okay.

So, if you send this text, be aware that he may or may not respond. If he does respond, it’s reasonable to expect some kind of explanation from him. If he doesn’t reply, it’s likely telling that he has moved on. 

You Should Call Him If He’s Your Boyfriend

If you’re already in a committed relationship, you should be well past the stage of playing games with one another. If you’re not, that’s a serious red flag! Relationships are all about mutual trust and open communication.

So, if he’s dropped contact, reach out! You two are committed to each other! There could be a million explanations for his behavior, but all the guessing will only make you more anxious.

Modeling direct communication shows exactly how you want to be treated in your relationship. It also sends a clear message that him ignoring you is unacceptable (and won’t be tolerated). This is important for how you two manage communication in the future.

You Should Discuss Communication Boundaries

What kind of contact do you want to have moving forward? For example, would it be appropriate to schedule weekly phone calls or daily text check-ins? What boundaries are most important to implement if you’re pursuing a long-distance relationship?

You may not know all the answers right now. But it’s still a good idea to consider discussing them together. If you want things to go well, you both need to be on the same page about ensuring you can meet each other’s needs.

Final Thoughts

A guy calling you often means that he’s interested and ready to take things to the next level. But remember that exceptions to the rule always apply. For example, guys can be shy, busy, or uncertain of what they want, which can complicate how they react next.

That said, you have the right to take matters into your own hands! In modern dating, almost anything goes. So, if he hasn’t called, don’t overlook the possibility of calling him first!

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Last Updated on September 19, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester

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Alexander Burgemeester

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more?

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