How To Be High Value When He Pulls Away?

Last Updated on May 31, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester

When a man pulls away from you, the worst thing you can do is chase him. I’ll tell you why shortly.

But if you’ve been asking yourself how to be a high value woman when he pulls away, there are several things you need to do, including pull away too, get on with your life, and spend time alone.

Please note that this is not about playing childish mind games, but there is a strategy you need to follow, or you will lose any chance of ever getting back with this dude if that’s what you want.

It will require mastery over your emotions and extreme self-discipline. Because you don’t understand why he pulled away, you’ll turn to the only person who can give you the answers you’re looking for.

But that’s the wrong approach, so keep reading to find out how to be high value when he pulls away. 

Why Do Men Pull Away From Women?

There are several reasons why men pull away from women, including he wants to make sure his feelings are genuine, he doesn’t like you as much as he thought, and he feels he’s losing his identity.

Keep reading to gain more insight into why men pull away from women. 

Why Do Men Pull Away From Women

#1 He Wants To Make Sure His Feelings Are Genuine

Men don’t process their emotions the same way as women; they need time to sit down and think about what’s going on in their hearts before committing.

It can feel harsh when he does this because he takes you out on dates every weekend, calls and texts you all the time, and tells you exactly what you need to hear.

But all of a sudden, he goes silent on you. Don’t worry, you haven’t done anything wrong; he simply wants to make sure what he’s feeling is real before committing to you.

It could be lust and not love; he may want to make sure he’s not spending so much time with you because he’s bored. He’ll tell you once he’s figured it out if he’s a decent guy. 

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#2 He Doesn’t Like You As Much As He Thought

This will typically apply after you’ve slept together. Sometimes, you can get ahead of yourself, and in a moment of intense passion, you end up in bed together.

For some guys, sleeping with a woman too soon can turn them off. It’s not that they think you’re easy or have lost respect for you. But because he didn’t get to know you well enough, that anticipation has worn off, and now he feels a void. 

He Doesn’t Like You As Much As He Thought

#3 He Feels He’s Losing His Identity

When things get serious in a relationship, men often get teased by their friends. He doesn’t need to say anything to them; his actions do all the talking.

He doesn’t go out with the boys as much, your pink toothbrush is in his bathroom, and your pink slippers are in his hallway. Although he’s in love with you, he feels as if he’s missing out, and the only way to find out is to reconnect with his old self. 

#4 He’s Got Too Many Issues

Sometimes, a man pulling away has nothing to do with you but everything to do with his life problems. He may have a difficult family to deal with or financial struggles.

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Whatever it is, he’s starting to feel that having a relationship isn’t a good idea right now as he needs to invest all his time and energy in resolving the things he’s got going on. 

#5 He’s Afraid You’re Too Good For Him

Men can be just as insecure as women, if not more so. He might be crazy about you, but you make him feel inadequate in some way.

It’s not because of anything you’ve said or done, but it’s just who you are. Maybe you earn more money than him, you’ve got better qualifications than him, or he comes from a poor family, and you come from a rich family.

He’s Afraid You’re Too Good For Him

Pulling away for a while will give him the chance to figure out whether he can manage these feelings of inadequacy or if he’s just got to let you go. 

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Signs Of A Man Pulling Away

Because of female intuition, most women feel things that something isn’t right before they see the signs. You’re reading this because you can sense something is off between you and your guy.

Signs a man is pulling away include he stops calling and texting as much, he’s not as open about his feelings, and he’s always busy. Here are five signs that a man is pulling away from you. 

#1 He Stops Calling And Texting As Much

He used to call and text at least once a day, sometimes three and four times a day. In fact, he contacted you more than you contacted him.

He Stops Calling And Texting As Much

Sometimes you call or text, and it takes a couple of days for him to respond. To make matters worse, he doesn’t give you an explanation as to why he’s responding three days later either! 

#2 He’s Not As Open About His Feelings

A few months ago, you felt confident about how he felt about you because not a day went by when he didn’t tell you.

But recently, those mid-afternoon, late night, and early morning warm fuzzy messages have disappeared into thin air. 

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#3 He’s Always Busy

Anytime you ask if he wants to do something, he’s never free anymore. Whether it’s work, friends, or family, he’s always got something going on.

At the beginning of your relationship, he prioritized spending time with you…not anymore. 

#4 He Seems Distant When He’s With You

When he’s with you, he’s texting, popping out for a couple of minutes to take a call, or he’s glued to the TV or play station.

He Seems Distant When He’s With You

He acts like you’re not even there; sometimes, you wonder whether there was any point in you going over to his or him coming over to yours. 

#5 He’s Stopped Initiating Plans

Not more than a few weeks ago, he was the one to call and make arrangements for date night.

Sometimes, he wouldn’t even tell you he was making plans; he would book the restaurant and tell you he’s coming to pick you up at a certain time.

But now, it seems like he’s put the brakes on completely; he hasn’t asked you out in weeks. 

How To Be A High-Value Woman When He Pulls Away

A few weeks ago, you were so confident that your relationship was in a good place you could never have anticipated he would pull away.

To be a high-value woman during this time, you’ll need to pull away too, get on with your life, and spend some time alone.

How To Be A High-Value Woman When He Pulls Away

Keep reading to find out what to do when he pulls away, and how to be high value when he pulls away. 

#1 Pull Away Too

This is not about playing a game; it’s called mirroring. Because if you don’t pull away, acting as if nothing’s changed will work against you.

Please understand that when men pull away, they make a conscious decision to do so based on how they feel.

They literally don’t feel that pull towards you; they don’t feel like calling, texting, or coming to see you. So on a conscious level, if you keep calling and texting him and he’s not reciprocating, he will lose respect for you.

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On the other hand, if you pull away too, he won’t see you as someone he needs to manage because it’s clear you can manage yourself. One of the reasons men don’t say anything when they pull away is they don’t like conflict.

As the saying goes, “hell hath no fury than a woman scorned.” Ghosting you isn’t the smartest game, but even the most intelligent men play it.

When you react in a calm and measured way by ghosting him too, you’re showing him that you’re not the typical woman and your emotions do not lead you.  

#2 Get On With Your Life

Get on with your life instead of sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. This is why it’s so important to maintain your independence when you’re in a relationship.

So that if it ends, you don’t feel as if you’ve been left in the middle of an ocean struggling to get back to shore.

Get On With Your Life

Additionally, if you had a life before him, he won’t get suspicious when you start posting all this new stuff you’re doing when he pulls away.

So keep posting as normal, don’t change the tone of your posts and get all nostalgic, making it obvious you miss him. Just keep living the same best life you’ve always been living. 

#3 Spend Some Time Alone

Spend time alone and get to know yourself again. Women often lose themselves in relationships.

They get so consumed with pleasing their partner that they neglect the things that make them who they are. Use this time to reconnect with yourself and start doing the things that make you come alive. 

#4 Don’t Chase Him

You only chase things when they’re running away from you. The more you chase, the faster it runs. Also, the tighter you hold onto a wet bar of soap, the quicker it slips out of your hand.

You don’t want your man running or slipping away from you during his pulling away season. Your instincts will tell you to do just that, chase and hold onto him for dear life.

Don’t Chase Him

BIG MISTAKE! It will drive him further away; the bottom line is that you can’t force a person to be with you if that’s not what they want. So the best thing to do is leave him alone and let him figure it out.

He’s a grown man, and he doesn’t need any assistance from you. Once he figures it out, he will come back to do one of two things, pick up where he left off or end it. 

#5 Start Dating Again

Yep! You read it right, start dating again. If you haven’t heard from him within a month, don’t wait around like a fool; start dating again and see what’s out there.

If he comes back with a sincere apology and explains himself in a way that will assist you in trusting him, then cool.

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But let him know that you’re not picking up where you left off, you will continue dating other men, and when you decide he’s the one you want to be with, you’ll stop dating.

Do this even if your heart and head are telling you he’s the one; he needs to know that he’s disposable and that you’re not going to wait around for him if he pulls another stunt like that.

#6 Don’t Take It Personally

Your guy pulling away isn’t about you; it’s about him, so don’t take it personally. The first thing that women do when it appears a man is no longer interested in them is to blame themselves.

They start questioning whether they’re pretty, slim, or smart enough. Listen, if you’re with the wrong person, you’ll never be enough, so if it turns out that he doesn’t want to be with you, give thanks because he’s just freed you so that the man you’re really meant to be with can find you. 

#7 Take Some Time To Think

If your relationship has been really intense, and you’ve just progressed from one stage to the next without taking time to think about the relationship, now is the time.

Take Some Time To Think

Go back to the drawing board. Does this man have the qualities you desire in a partner? Are you ready to be in a serious relationship right now? Is this someone you would have children with?

Sometimes a man pulling away can work in your favor, especially when you realize you were rushing into a relationship not aligned with your core values. 

#8 Manage Your Emotions

There are several qualities that men don’t like in women, and one of them is being overly emotional.

As much as women complain about men being unemotional, in some cases, it works to their advantage because it prevents them from doing or saying things they will regret later.

And that’s what managing your emotions is all about. Emotions are normal, but how we manage them determines whether they work for or against us.

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So when he pulls away, and you immediately start leaving him, voice notes crying down the phone about how depressed you feel because he hasn’t called you in two days, he’ll get turned off by that.

Spend time processing your emotions and working out why you feel this way. Is it just because he hasn’t contacted you in days, or do you have underlying psychological issues you need to deal with? 

#9 Respect His Space

There is nothing more annoying than disrespecting a person’s space, and you will feel as if you’ve got the right to do that.

You will want to turn up at this home, his work, and anywhere else you know he’ll be to find out what’s going on. But you can’t afford to do this.

First of all, if he’s not ready to talk about it, he’ll get defensive, and there’s a high chance you’ll end up arguing.

Respect His Space

Second, men are very different from women regarding respect; according to relationship expert Shaunti Feldhahn men need to feel respected, and women need to feel loved.

If you disrespect a man, he feels unloved. Therefore, you must respect his space when he pulls away. 

#10 Study Male and Female Dynamics

Men and women are not only different biologically; they are different psychologically. One important difference you should be aware of is that men and women communicate differently.

One of the main reasons relationships don’t work is due to miscommunication. For example, according to a study conducted by the University of Texas, men have conversations about fixing things; they aim to come up with a solution to the problem that has been presented.

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Men speak from a pragmatic perspective, and when a woman shares her feelings, the man looks for the problem and tries to solve it.

Despite the fact that he has resolved her issue, the woman leaves the conversation feeling unsatisfied because that wasn’t her goal.

She started the conversation because she wanted to get what was bothering her off her chest; all she needed was a listening ear and nothing more. By reading this article, you’re studying the male and female dynamics, but there’s so much more to learn.

There are books, podcasts, and videos you can watch that will tell you everything you need to know about male and female dynamics. The more you understand about men, the easier it will be to navigate a relationship with one. 

#11 Don’t Try and Speed Up The Relationship

If you were thinking about texting him to invite him to your parent’s house for dinner to meet your family, put that idea on hold.

When you notice him pulling away, you might feel that taking the relationship to the next level and making it official will get him to change his mind, but it won’t.

It will make him run even faster in the opposite direction. He’s already wrestling with his feelings, and additional pressure will frustrate him further.

Don’t Try and Speed Up The Relationship

Meeting the parents is a very important step in a relationship; the aim is that they will approve of the guy and therefore approve of the union.

This can be even scarier for a guy when he’s not doing well financially; perhaps he doesn’t have the career he wants, he hasn’t bought a house yet, etc.

All these questions will come up in a conversation with parents meeting their daughter’s boyfriend, as they want to know whether he can look after their beloved princess. 

#12 Put Barriers In Place

Most people enjoy going out and having a drink, and one of the consequences of too much alcohol, is you lose your inhibitions and do things you wouldn’t do if you were sober.

If this sounds like you, then you need to ensure you’ve got barriers in place to protect yourself against drunk calling or texting him or contacting him in any way, shape, or form.

By blocking him on all platforms before having your first glass of wine. Delete his phone number and any other method of contacting him.

Alternatively, you can give your phone to a friend, ask her to leave it at her house and pick it up the next day.

If you’re concerned about not having a phone, get yourself an old backup phone that only has your friend’s phone numbers in it. 

#13 Talk To A Trusted Friend

Most females have a ride or die they can go to when things are not going well in life. Call your friend instead of picking up the phone to call your boyfriend.

They will judge you for being devastated; they will let you cry on their shoulder and talk things out until you feel better.

Talk To A Trusted Friend

They may even be able to help you change your perspective on the situation. Psychologists refer to this as talking therapy, and it has several benefits; one of them is that it gives you a new perspective on people.

When a man pulls away, it can leave you feeling bitter and angry towards him. Some of your thoughts might include, “how can he be so selfish?

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He knows how much I love him,” or “he’s such a nasty person; if he had a decent bone in his body, he would get in touch.” A therapist will give you several ways to reframe your thoughts by making you see things from his perspective.

Although your therapist doesn’t know your boyfriend, they recognize patterns of behavior and will be able to give you scenarios that took place during his childhood that caused him to react in this way. 

How To Be Of High Value Through Text When He Pulls Away

Text is an interesting form of communication because you can’t read each other’s body language. That’s why emojis are so popular because they say what we want to say without saying it.

Here are a few things you should do to be a high value woman over text. Don’t text him first, don’t text back straight away, be short and swift. Keep reading to find out exactly what you need to do to be a high value woman through text when he pulls away. 

How To Be Of High Value Through Text When He Pulls Away

#1 Don’t Text Him First

The loneliest times during a breakup are on lunch breaks, evenings, and weekends because these are the times we typically communicate with our significant other.

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Even though you haven’t officially broken up, he’s stopped texting and calling, so it feels that way in your head. But as mentioned, chasing him is the worst thing you can do. So wait for him to text you first.

#2 Don’t Text Back Straight Away

When he does text you, don’t text back straight away. Most men are strategic in their dealings with women; since he is familiar with your schedule, he’ll text when he knows you’re not busy in the hopes of getting an immediate response.

I advise waiting a full 24 hours to text him back; during that time, he may text again asking if you’re okay because he hasn’t heard from you. Don’t let him get to you; wait.

As mentioned earlier, in this way, you’re giving him the chance to miss you. 

Don’t Text Back Straight Away

#3 Be Short and Swift

Don’t give him a long-winded response with two or three text messages when you respond. Don’t send him any emojis either so that you maintain an air of mystery.

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His aim in texting you was to start a conversation. Unless he clarifies that he wants to meet up and talk about why he pulled away, you don’t need to be having random conversations about life with him.

Whatever question he asks, give him a one-word answer. 

How Do You Make Him Miss You When He Pulls Away

By pulling away too. Depending on whether your guy has had a lot of experience with women, most men will expect you to chase them when they pull away. Not because they’re egotistical, but because that’s their experience.

Whether they’ve dumped a girl or pulled away, she chases him, wanting to know why. As mentioned, this is a turn-off to men.

However, if you play it cool and pull away too, he’ll put you in a different category to the other women he’s dated, and he’ll want to know why you’re not chasing him. When you pull away, it will cause him to become intrigued by you. 

Will A Man Come Back After He Pulls Away?

A man will come back after pulling away for two reasons. He’s decided that he wants to make things work with you, or he’s emotionally immature and will come back only to pull away again.

Don’t get too excited when he returns; you’ll need to test the waters and make sure he’s not messing you. Don’t just pick up where you left off; you need to have a conversation about why he pulled away in the first place.

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If he’s giving you some fluffy excuses, you’re probably dealing with an emotionally immature man who will run as soon as he starts feeling unstable again. 

How Should I Act When He Comes Back After Pulling Away?

By the time he comes back, you should have already decided what you want to do. However, you may change your mind after he tells you why he pulled away.

But in general, you should play it cool, listen to what he has to say, and tell him you need to think. 

#1 Play It Cool

Don’t act like a happy puppy wagging its tail at the sight of its owner. Maintain a cool and calm disposition even if you do feel like jumping into his arms and smothering him with kisses.

Control yourself because you don’t want him thinking he has the upper hand. 

#2 Listen To What He Has To Say

Don’t jump down his throat as soon as you answer the phone and start firing questions and accusations at him; listen to what he says. He may have a valid reason for pulling away.

Listen To What He Has To Say

However, it’s important that you practice active listening to ensure you’ve heard him correctly. So once he’s finished speaking, paraphrase what he said back to him.

Now the ball is in your court; it’s up to you which direction you want to take now. 

#3 Tell Him You Need To Think

When men pull away, they do so without telling you why, and that’s because they don’t know why. So when he comes back, he can’t expect you to welcome him with open arms.

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Instead, he should understand that you need to take time out to decide whether this relationship is right for you. Even if you’ve made up your mind already, you should still tell him you need to think about it.

In this way, you’ll keep him on his toes, he’ll feel slightly insecure that there’s a chance he could loose you if he doesn’t treat you right this time around. 

Final Thoughts

One of the most challenging things you’ll ever do in life is applying what you learn. Why? Because it goes against everything your instincts want to do.

Your instincts want to call him and find out why he’s acting this way and to text him as soon as he texts you back, but as you’ve read, you can’t do what you want to do; you’ve got to follow the blueprint.

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The strategies mentioned above have worked for thousands of women, and they’ll work for you if you apply them.

So as challenging as this will be for you, put everything you’ve read into practice, and it won’t be long before he comes eating out of the palm of your hand.

Photo of author

Alexander Burgemeester

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more?

1 thought on “How To Be High Value When He Pulls Away?”

  1. What a spot on, excellent article. I’m going thru this right now. In fact, he just texted after not hearing from him for two weeks, like you said he would. He picked a time that he knew I’d be home (Sunday dinner time). In the past, I would’ve immediately texted back. It’s so hard, but I’m following your advice to wait a bit, give him time to wonder if he’s lost me. He texted a pleasant image of a rainbow…nothing regarding why he’s been a ghost. I don’t think I can hold out for 24 hrs, but I’ll hold off a while and follow this article’s advice. Ordinarily I’d have given him a hard time, etc., when I talk to him. But now I know not to do that. I won’t rattle on like I usu. do. Thanks so much.


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