Is it Halloween already?
Nope!
That doesn’t stop the narcissist from tricking you – and believe me when I say – there are no treats!…
…Are there ever any when it comes to narcissism?!
Some of the biggest tricks the narcissist uses involves their phones – specifically texting. So, how does a narcissistic text get even more control over you?
If you haven’t already guessed, the answers are right here. I know some, if not all, will make you realize just how much you’ve tolerated all this time.
The Narcissist and The Phone
It’s a painful conversation we need to have more of, isn’t it? Narcissists get to us, no matter where we are, or what we’re doing thanks to the magic of the modern world.
We all have phones. We all use them. We all need them in this day and age, with work and connections just a tap away.
Narcissists love to use theirs too, in particular the wondrous text message that has gained and surged in popularity in the past few decades.
What was once an opportunity to quickly let somebody know something has evolved into a dawn of the everlasting and endless conversation with numerous people, day and night.
Narcissists love this the most. They love knowing anybody they want to text is just 20 seconds away from that becoming reality.
Bored? Send a text.
Feel like stirring a little trouble? Send a text.
Need some attention? Send a text.
Want to give somebody a bad day? Send a text.
And that’s the one thing to remember with narcissists – it isn’t always the text – it can sometimes be the content.
Control: The Unbreakable Narcissistic Force
All narcissists want, love and need control. It’s a force you will never be able to break, because it’s what makes narcissists, well, narcissists.
The likes of you or I are happy to sit back and admit we cannot control every aspect of our lives, yet that seems unfathomable to any narcissist.
They have to be in control of situations that they want to see a certain outcome of. They want to mold and sculpt the ending as if it were their own story they were writing…
…And if that means you or anybody you know has to suffer at the end of it, then so be it.
With texting, narcissists become some of the most impossible, hurtful, evil kinds of people who are only out for one thing – to create drama.
Trick 1: “Don’t Forget Me!”
The good old texting trick of not wanting to be forgotten will come into play with all narcissists.
They love to remind you that they exist, and are especially good at doing so when you’re having a particularly good day.
If you arrange to go out with a friend, they will try to engage and initiate all kinds of conversations with you via text, so you feel obliged to respond and keep them happy.
And for you, the victim, you think, “Wow, they seem chipper. They’re obviously in a great mood, and I’d hate to ignore that.”
You’re keen to please.
You’re keen to keep that ship sailing.
But in actual fact, it’s only because you’re out that they want you to remember who they are.
Pretty sad, isn’t it?
That somebody so seemingly confident in themselves is actually far from that?
Welcome to narcissism, people!
Trick 2: “Pah. I’ll Reply Some Other Time”
When you need to get hold of them, the narcissist will act as nonchalantly as possible. They see your priority, request or attempt at reaching out, and they will completely shelve you.
You see, what matters to you never matters to the narcissist. They make sure they aren’t giving you what you want or need for the majority of the time you know them, and to see you have messaged doesn’t mean a great deal to them.
Effectively, it’s the text version of the silent treatment, and what does that do to victims?
It makes them question what they’ve done wrong, and why they’re being ignored.
Trick 3: “The Bare Minimum”
Okay.
Sure.
Whatever.
Yep.
Nope.
Uh-huh.
Now – I want to get into the reason behind the bare minimum, because it’s a really unfair way to treat somebody.
First, you’ve got somebody who is trying to engage in conversation, and it’s hard to do when you’re met with one word answers all of the time.
Second, what is it showing you? It’s showing you that yes, they can reply, but no, they’re not giving you what you need. Victims will then fall into the trap of asking, “What’s wrong? You’re being quiet.”
Incoming accusation!
The responses to that usually look like:
I am busy!
I haven’t got time to sit around all day like you, texting!
Somebody has to work!
You’re so needy!
You will never win.
Trick 4: “Block/Unblock”
I want you, I don’t want you.
I love you, I don’t love you.
I want to hear from you/ Stop calling or texting.
You never truly know where you stand with some narcissists, but the way they dictate when you get to text, and when you can’t do so, is pretty mean and of course – absolutely controlling.
VIctims have been known to constantly check their phones to see if the narcissist has blocked them that day, and it’s a consistency that’s just not healthy.
Trick 5: “Phone OFF”
Well, there you go.
The phone is off, so even if you wanted to text, that text isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
If you think it sounds cruel, it’s because it is.
Narcissists don’t care about your communication, or even if there was an emergency. They just want to control the narrative that sometimes there was no signal, or, my phone died, or, I was sleeping.
Stop it. You’re grown adults.
Trick 6: “What Text?”
It’s laughable that any narcissist would deny they even got your text.
I haven’t had anything come through…
Never believe them. Phones are more efficient now than ever, and you’re able to tell if somebody’s phone has received a text or not.
The simple fact is, they got it, they just didn’t click on it.
What a horrible way to tell you that you don’t matter to them and to keep you under their control that little bit longer.
Trick 7: “Prompt. Prompt Again”
Alex, do you think this person is a narcissist?
It’s hard to diagnose any narcissist over a few texts, but there are huge red flags when you receive a text from a narcissist (usually a request), and you don’t reply right away.
What usually follows is:
A GIF of some kind.
A single kiss.
A photo or meme. A single question mark.
A text about something they know will interest you heavily to prompt your attention.
These are ways the narcissist is essentially saying:
I have texted you, you haven’t replied, and I’m not going anywhere.
We know…
