Is it Halloween already?

Nope!

That doesn’t stop the narcissist from tricking you – and believe me when I say – there are no treats!…

…Are there ever any when it comes to narcissism?!

Some of the biggest tricks the narcissist uses involves their phones – specifically texting. So, how does a narcissistic text get even more control over you?

If you haven’t already guessed, the answers are right here. I know some, if not all, will make you realize just how much you’ve tolerated all this time.

The Narcissist and The Phone

It’s a painful conversation we need to have more of, isn’t it? Narcissists get to us, no matter where we are or what we’re doing, thanks to the magic of the modern world.

We all have phones. We all use them. We all need them in this day and age, with work and connections just a tap away.

Narcissists love to use theirs too, particularly the wondrous text message that has gained and surged in popularity in the past few decades.

What was once an opportunity to quickly let somebody know something has evolved into a dawn of everlasting and endless conversation with numerous people, day and night? 

Narcissists love this the most. They love knowing anybody they want to text is just 20 seconds away from that becoming reality. 

Bored? Send a text.

Feel like stirring a little trouble? Send a text.

Need some attention? Send a text.

Want to give somebody a bad day? Send a text.

And that’s the one thing to remember with narcissists – it isn’t always the text – it can sometimes be the content.

Control: The Unbreakable Narcissistic Force

All narcissists want, love, and need control. It’s a force you will never be able to break, because it’s what makes narcissists, well, narcissists.

The likes of you or I are happy to sit back and admit we cannot control every aspect of our lives, yet that seems unfathomable to any narcissist.

They have to be in control of situations if they want to see a certain outcome. They want to mold and sculpt the ending as if it were their own story they were writing…

…And if that means you or anybody you know has to suffer at the end of it, then so be it. 

With texting, narcissists become some of the most impossible, hurtful, evil kinds of people who are only out for one thing – to create drama.

Trick 1: “Don’t Forget Me!”

The good old texting trick of not wanting to be forgotten will come into play with all narcissists.

They love to remind you that they exist, and are especially good at doing so when you’re having a particularly good day.

If you arrange to go out with a friend, they will try to engage and initiate conversations via text, so you feel obliged to respond and keep them happy.

And for you, the victim, you think, “Wow, they seem chipper. They’re obviously in a great mood, and I’d hate to ignore that.”

You’re keen to please.

You’re keen to keep that ship sailing.

But in actual fact, it’s only because you’re out that they want you to remember who they are.

Pretty sad, isn’t it?

That somebody so seemingly confident in themselves is actually far from that?

Welcome to narcissism, people!

Trick 2: “Pah. I’ll Reply Some Other Time”

When you need to get hold of them, the narcissist will act as nonchalantly as possible. They see your priority, request, or attempt to reach out, and they will completely shelve you. 

You see, what matters to you never matters to the narcissist. They make sure they aren’t giving you what you want or need for the majority of the time you know them, and to see you have messaged doesn’t mean a great deal to them.

Effectively, it’s the text version of the silent treatment, and what does that do to victims?

It makes them question what they’ve done wrong and why they’re being ignored. 

Trick 3: “The Bare Minimum”

Okay.

Sure.

Whatever.

Yep.

Nope.

Uh-huh.

Now, I want to understand the reason behind the bare minimum: it’s a really unfair way to treat somebody. 

First, you’ve got somebody trying to engage in conversation, and it’s hard to do when you’re met with one-word answers all of the time. 

Second, what is it showing you? It’s showing you that yes, they can reply, but no, they’re not giving you what you need. Victims will then fall into the trap of asking, “What’s wrong? You’re being quiet.”

Incoming accusation!

The responses to that usually look like:

I am busy!

I haven’t got time to sit around all day like you, texting!

Somebody has to work!

You’re so needy!

You will never win.

Trick 4: “Block/Unblock”

I want you, I don’t want you.

I love you, I don’t love you.

I want to hear from you/ Stop calling or texting.

You never truly know where you stand with some narcissists, but the way they dictate when you get to text and when you can’t do so is pretty mean and, of course – absolutely controlling. 

Victims have been known to constantly check their phones to see if the narcissist has blocked them that day, and it’s a consistency that’s just not healthy. 

Trick 5: “Phone OFF”

Well, there you go.

The phone is off, so even if you wanted to text, that text wouldn’t go anywhere anytime soon. 

If you think it sounds cruel, it’s because it is. 

Narcissists don’t care about your communication or even if there was an emergency. They just want to control the narrative that sometimes there was no signal, or, my phone died, or, I was sleeping.

Stop it. You’re grown adults. 

Trick 6: “What Text?”

It’s laughable that any narcissist would deny they even got your text.

I haven’t had anything come through…

Never believe them. Phones are more efficient now than ever, and you can tell if somebody’s phone has received a text or not. 

The simple fact is, they got it, they just didn’t click on it. 

What a horrible way to tell you that you don’t matter to them and to keep you under their control that little bit longer. 

Trick 7: “Prompt. Prompt Again”

Alex, do you think this person is a narcissist?

It’s hard to diagnose any narcissist over a few texts, but there are huge red flags when you receive a text from a narcissist (usually a request), and you don’t reply right away.

What usually follows is:

A GIF of some kind.

A single kiss.

A photo or meme. A single question mark.

A text about something they know will interest you heavily to prompt your attention.

These are ways the narcissist is essentially saying:

I have texted you, you haven’t replied, and I’m not going anywhere. 

We know… 

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives then have meaning, just as they feel they should every day.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.

This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim.