Do you think you’re able to see a narcissist’s manipulative tactics?
I want you to think again, because they are always a step ahead!
Narcissists are masters of subtlety, and they use passive-aggressive moves that can leave you wondering if you’re finally going mad.
There are five passive-aggressive tactics you need to know about – and how the narcissist uses them against you will leave you speechless!
So, buckle up, as we are about to decode everything.
Passive-Aggressiveness and Narcissism
Not all aggressiveness is going to be overt. People shout, but when they don’t, they can still leave scars of worry and deflation in the person who they aim for.
Your character can be broken by regular bouts of passive-aggressiveness sent by narcissists, and just because they aren’t breaking the sound barrier with their rageful voice, that doesn’t mean they aren’t causing damage.
Passive-aggressive behavior is used by narcissists as a way to control you. It comes from their inability to talk to a person with the right emotion, words, or frame of mind.
Instead, they see it as another opportunity to punish you and inject further anxiety into you.
Don’t mistake it – narcissists love to do this. When you react with the ‘paranoia’ as they will call it, you will be the problem, not them.
This is not the case at all!
Why Narcissists Use Passive – Aggressiveness
Narcissists are a big fan of passive-aggressive behavior as it means they can act accordingly without making a scene.
Narcissists are good at making scenes, but if they want to protect their character, they will use passive-aggressive attempts to get under your skin.
The 5 Passive-Aggressive Tactics to Watch Out For
#1 Sarcasm
Lovely car. I always did see you in something big and bulky.
Wow, this chicken is definitely cooked, isn’t it? Did you forget it was in the oven for a little while?
You’re so sensitive today – I’m sure it has nothing to do with your hormones this time of the month.
Enough, already, right? You want to yell at them to stop, but you know if you do, they will look at you with those wide, ‘trying to be innocent’ eyes.
Narcissists know exactly what to say to make every moment worse, and it can be sarcasm toward any kind of your personality or character.
They do it because that part of you shines. You’re probably an amazing cook, and your car is newer than theirs.
And yes, so what, your hormones fluctuate through each month because that’s what happens and as a result you feel actual emotions (that they can’t feel) – but narcissists make every little thing you do a problem.
#2 Backhanded Compliments
You look younger than you usually do.
It’s a nice dress. It’s giving off really boring librarian vibes.
You have one of those voices that could send people right off to sleep.
You know the kinds of comments I mean, but those are a few golden examples of how narcissists can be completely passive-aggressive, while trying to maintain that they’re being kind.
No, I didn’t mean it that way!
Yes they did! Don’t ever get sucked into the lies that follow. They will try and create an innocent bubble around themselves, but that’s really for self-preservation.
When you become the problem by being offended, the attention goes to you, and not their original, unkind statement made to you.
This is standard narcissistic behavior, and they all get off so badly on dropping daily backhanded compliments to whoever they will work for.
#3 The Silence
The most wrongly assumed form of conflict is shouting.
Yes – it’s horrible to hear raised voices. Nobody wants to engage in slanging matches, and they are not good for our mental or physical health. But what about silence?
The silent treatment is a ploy narcissists use to draw in their victims and make them feel on edge, anxious, and guilty. The tactic works by undermining any level of empathy the victim may have, and using it as a tool of abuse.
It’s wrong – and that’s why it’s such a popular way to punish and control victims.
If you have ever been on the receiving end of the silent treatment, you’ll know how minutes can feel like hours.
You’ll understand how your mind can race, and bounce from incorrect assumption to incorrect assumption – mostly about yourself.
There will be times you will replay what happened just before the narcissist went silent on you, in the hope you can piece together exactly what you did that was so wrong; so terrible.
None of this will help you. Nothing will give you the answers you need.
The narcissist knows what they’re doing, and they will continue because they know they’re not “shouting” or “making a scene.”
Silence is just as damaging, folks.
#4 Subtle Insults
I love how comfortable you are just going make-up free. It must be really liberating for you.
I didn’t invite you to the theater for that show because you don’t strike me as somebody who would appreciate the finer arts.
Any kind of comment that seems as though it derives from a compliment or a concern is a huge way to be passive-aggressive to another person.
Narcissists perfect this and know how to start that inner fire of frustration inside you, don’t they?
Have you ever noticed how they do this in secret, too? Sometimes they can even just pass comments to you, right before you enter that family event.
They want to ensure you have a miserable time, because then they can appear to be the happy, carefree one while you have to force the outer desire to be there.
These kinds of insults are cruel, and not only do they get you to feel like you’re in a certain frame of mind, but they’re always widely known to decrease your self-esteem, too.
#5 The “Joking”
Oh my goodness. You know, this is what I actually hear the most. Victims of narcissistic abuse are forever telling me that their abuser used to joke all the time.
It pretty much gave them free reign to say whatever they wanted to say, while trying to disguise it as light-hearted fun or jest.
There’s nothing jestful about being outright mean. You cannot just say a hurtful thing to somebody you love, watch their face fall, and then pat them on the back and blame them for not being able to take a joke.
No.
I’m sorry. This is where – yes of course – the narcissist’s greatest tactic is to get you to a mental place of feeling total worthlessness about yourself.
But pretending it was a joke when all the while their intention was to shift your mood from confident to couldn’t-care-less-about-yourself…
…It’s the highest form of passive-aggressiveness.
