Sometimes I come into these topics a little more casually than others…
…This is not one of those times.
Narcissists are known for being placated all the while you say or do the right thing, and even that doesn’t last forever.
But then there’s the flip side of that coin. The side where you should never speak or say what you might want to say.
Why?
Because it’ll never end well.
So, what are those things? Well, I’ve got 10 for you, and I’m ready to dive in.
Now, You Can Say A Lot…
As long as it’s what they want to hear!
You could sit all day with a narcissist and gossip with them. You could leave at the end of that day thinking you really got on and gelled, but the reality is – they don’t think that about you at all.
In fact, they will come away from that day thinking, “I’ve got so much information from this pathetic person, and they fell for my charm and pseudo-interest in them.”
It’s a constant false sense of security, and that’s what leaves people feeling so disappointed when they come to realize it was all a big lie.
Compliance is Their Happy Place
If you’re doing as they want, they’re happy, even if you’re not.
The trouble begins when you start saying things you should never say to a narcissist – and some of those statements will be what the narcissist wants to hear!
Let’s start looking at some examples.
The 10 Things You Should Never Say To a Narcissist
1 “I Accept Your Apology”
Accepting the narcissist’s empty apology means they automatically have permission to do whatever they did all over again.
Did they come home late and not tell you where they are?
Well – good! You said it was okay, so expect more of the same!
Do you see how damaging it is to allow them to hurt you, and for you to say, “Don’t worry about it”?
While the narcissist is laughing, you’re left feeling even more unhappy than you were to begin with, and it’s all because you want the narcissist to be happy.
You’ve learned that as long as they have a smile on their face, there will be peace in your home.
What about you?
2 “You’re a Narcissist!”
Ouch. I can hear a pin drop right now, even as I type those words.
Telling a narcissist that they’re a narcissist is going to cause so much trouble, and nothing will be the same after that.
Narcissists thrive all the while their games are being ignored by you, but the second you latch onto reality – there’s no going back.
You can expect a complete discard from the narcissist in your life if you tell them that they’re a narcissist.
They will know they can no longer control you, and will deem you useless to them. They may even resort to denial, or projecting your thoughts back onto you, making you appear to be the toxic one.
Whatever happens – it won’t be pretty.
3 “I Know Your Game”
Predicting what the narcissist is going to do next means you’ve spent a long time studying them, and getting to know how they operate.
If you were to put this across to the narcissist, they will have a hard time continuing to do what they’ve previously gotten away with.
From that – you can expect them to up their game severely, and switch gears to be an even more destructive force.
4 “You’re So Insecure Underneath it All”
Ouch.
Narcissists have such fragile egos, I don’t think any of them are going to tolerate you being so direct and honest with them. This is a case of the truth hurts, and spotting the narcissist’s insecurities is one thing.
Telling them what you think is quite another.
Not only does this phrase prove you’ve figured them out, it proves you’re willing to actually go one step further and tell them.
5 “You Don’t Love Me”
Saying you don’t love me to a narcissist does several things – and not all of them are to do with them.
For starters, you’re giving them total control in how they male you feel. Yes, you’re likely right.
They don’t love you. But that’s not because of anything you’ve done wrong. Knowing you’re bothered by their treatment of you leaves them feeling somewhat proud that they can successfully manipulate you.
But also – for you – this phrase is a reminder that you deserve better.
6. “I’m Going To Tell Everybody What You Did”
Well, if you’re going to do that then let me prepare you for a huge fallout.
It’s not going to be pretty, but I think you already know this.
When a narcissist feels threatened, they react. When they are threatened, they will react even more so.
This can be via rage, denial, the silent treatment, starting a smear campaign about you, or discarding you altogether. Whatever happens – there will be a punishment.
Narcissists being found is their worst nightmare.
7. “It’s My Fault”
No!
This is a constant reminder I have to throw out to all of you so frequently.
It’s not your fault.
Narcissistic abuse is the fault of the abuser, and that’s all there is to it.
Never ever hand over your power to the narcissist in this way. Not ever.
8. “You’re Right”
Can I yell no again?!
In what world are narcissists right?
There are two options.
One is where they’ve convinced you they’re right.
The other is where you tell them they’re right just to keep the peace.
Neither is right.
Don’t be fooled into thinking you have to tell them anything to keep the level of conflict down!
9. “Whatever You Want”
This is usually the point the victim is so keen to please the narcissist that they will literally say anything to make it happen.
Whatever you want is another phrase that hands the controls to the narcissist.
Not only can you not blame them if it all goes wrong (you told them to do it, remember?), you also don’t get a say as it wasn’t your original preference.
Whatever you want is exactly what the narcissist wants.
10. “I Love You No Matter What”
If this isn’t permission to treat you however they want, with no consequence or boundary in place to protect you, then I don’t know what is.
Never tell a narcissist that you will love them no matter what they say or do, or how they treat you.
Not only is it the worst kind of way to give your heart to somebody, it shows you have no real morals when it comes to toleration.
It’s something to really think about the next time you decide to drop your guard for somebody who thinks very little of you in return.
