If you think you’ve got what it takes to defeat the narcissist, I salute you.
Honestly, it takes a person a great deal of courage to stand up to them, so if that’s you, I’m pleased for you.
There’s one slight problem, though. If you’re still enjoying their company, you’ll never defeat them.
As much as you think you’ve got some kind of upper hand, the win rests solely with the narcissist if you are sitting back and loving being around them.
Here’s why.
Letting their energy in
Letting in the energy of a narcissist is like leaving your front door open to thieves.
In the same way they will enter your home and take what you cherish, narcissists will overstep your emotions and steal the energy you want for yourself without even realizing it.
You might not connect the dots – why you feel so lethargic when you come home after spending time with them – but it’s being drained from you slowly yet surely. All toxic roads lead to the narcissist.
When you let their energy in, you’re giving them the chance to feel a certain element of power over you, even in the short space of time you’re with them.
The way they overtake conversation, or make everything about them. Or how they try to backstab the people you care about.
This energy isn’t good, and it will do you no favors to continue to see the good in somebody so intent on beginning misery to the table.
Enjoying being around them?
What does that even mean? If you love being around a person with narcissistic traits, what are you actually enjoying?
And I want you to try to pinpoint the answer, because it matters.
What about them feels so magnetising? Why are you drawn to their character?
Do you bypass their toxicity in order to see the fragments of good they convey? Do they make you feel wanted and appreciated?
It’s interesting to explore these points, because a normal relationship of any kind is based on mutual trust, honesty and genuine affection.
There’s one thing that’s certain, though…
If you love their company, they love you
That’s right. If you love the company of the narcissist, you can bet they love you for that.
You make them the center of their world. You laugh at their jokes. You tell them how amazing they are. You soak up time with them. You want to spend that time with them.
Loving their company is a strong sign to them that they’re good enough to spend that time with.
You’re validating their behavior, and you’re reassuring them that you like them enough to do that.
What’s not to love about that if you’re a narcissist?!
If they love you, they’re controlling you
This is what it all boils down to, doesn’t it? If the narcissist loves you, it means you’re doing something right.
Which means they’ve got the control of you down to a fine art. They hate those they can’t control. These people are of no use to them at all.
So whether that something right that you’re doing is reacting to them when they need you to, or fawning over them like they’re the best person in the world, you will be loved because you’re under their control.
Defeat them by…
If you actually want to defeat the narcissist, I’d strongly suggest by starting to look at the truth for what it is.
This is not a one-sided friendship, and there will be nothing in it for you when you strip away the fundamentals. In truth, you’re being used in some way.
You’re being told one thing, and treated another way. And yes, there’s this pull toward them.
This intoxicating energy, but look for the word toxic in intoxicating, and you have got yourself to the root of the issue.
You have to see what they’re truly in your life for, and it’s never because they like you. It’s because you serve them in some way.
Stop seeing what you want to see
That’s the key here, right? To stop seeing what you want to see. The picture you paint is that they’re a great person, and sure, they have their faults but you live in hope that they might change over time.
You love them, and consider them to be a person who will have your back if you need somebody, but they won’t ever fit that criteria for you.
Somebody who naturally pulls you toward them isn’t always the right person for you to be around, either.
They have that pull because they want to keep you close; it isn’t a character trait that you can rely on to be authentic and honest, but that’s the trap.
Start seeing the truth
The truth is, the narcissist is doing everything in their power that they can to keep you their friend or lover.
With you around, loving every minute of your time with them, you’re sending a message into the world that the narcissist is a good person, worthy of that love and thought.
You’re telling the world they are the ideal person to give your time and energy to.
So in other words, not only you are fooled, but so is everybody else. Imagine being one person who sees the truth, and nobody else believes them?
That’s the way for so many victims because others refuse to see what’s really happening.
If you want to defeat the narcissist, you have to view all of the evidence, not just what you want to see.
It’s the only way to win
If your plan is to some day win over the narcissist, there’s no better way to defeat them then by stepping away from their time and company.
I know I am advising you to do something you will likely feel uncomfortable with, but I assure you, it’s the right way to go if you want to win the entire war.
Every time you enjoy their company, they’ve gained a little bit more control over you, and each of those mini battles is won by them.
If you’re giving the narcissist what they want, they will know they can walk all over you and get you to say or do anything to defend them.
You’ll forgive them easily because you want a quiet life. The promises the narcissist makes, make it sound like they really mean it this time.
Something about the time of their voice that sounds different to usual.
You have hope, and that hope carries you to the next time something goes wrong, where they walk all over you once more.
And so, folks, the only way to win is to defeat them with distance. Use the power of it to fade your relationship.
Find other ways to enjoy the company of others who are looking for real connection, instead of the narcissist who’s sole purpose is to leave you feeling like you are never good enough.
They will do that the first chance they get, the moment you step out of line.
Save yourself the hassle, and see them for who they really are.
