Do you ever wonder why narcissists keep swarming toward you like a bee to honey?
I’m sure you are naturally very sweet, but that’s not the problem.
This one thing in particular that you’re doing that keeps attracting narcissists is so plainly obvious when you think about it, but most don’t like to do that.
It’s nothing you’re conscious of, but it is the reason toxic people surround you…
…And why they just will not go away.
You want to be left alone, right?
Right!
If you know what attracts them, you will be more able to fix the issue, and see the back of them for good.
Supply
What makes you irresistible to narcissists is the supply you give them.
What do I mean by supply?
Well, you’ve probably heard of it before, but I will give you two examples from real-life accounts.
The first, is Max:
“My ex-girlfriend used the silent treatment as a weapon against me. Before I realized what she was doing, and for years, I used to panic when she’d go silent.
My first thought was, “What have I done wrong?”
My second thought was, “I must fix this now.”
Trust me. I did everything I could to alter the house’s mood, but nothing worked.
I loved her so much, and the thought of making her unhappy to the point where she refused to even speak to me left me feeling guilty and ashamed that I caused it.
She’d refuse to engage, and if I entered the room, she would leave it. I’d ask, even beg at times for her to say anything to me.
I realized how much she loved that, and almost played on it.
We broke up when it dawned on me that she was using me to make herself feel better. I’ll always spot that red flag from now on.”
Now, we head over to Caroline.
“Whenever my ex-husband and I were due to go out, I would try to look nice, and be ready at the door. Initially, I’d be excited for some time with him. Work was crazy for both of us, so it felt like a treat.
He would find me all ready and look for any way to comment on my appearance. My butt looked big; the dress wasn’t appropriate, I didn’t look ‘rich’ enough, and my hair was untidy.
The insults were always personal, and I took them that way, too. It never once occurred to me that I wasn’t the problem, so I believed him. I didn’t wear what he previously criticized me in, because I believed what he said to be true.
Ultimately, I saw it as one of the ways he gained supply from me. If I was feeling terrible, he would have this little smirk on his face, and I knew then, it was all about him, not me.”
It’ll Never Run Out
All the while supply is on continuous offer, it will never run out.
Narcissists ensure they’ve always got something to take from you, which is why you suffer, and they always seem to come out smiling.
If you’re without, they’re happy. Do you know how many things are actually wrong with that?!
Giving Them What They Want: The Consequences
It’s all well and good trying to give a narcissist what they want, but there are some serious drawbacks to constantly pacifying them.
Every single time you agree with them, they know they have found somebody agreeable.
Every time you let them have the final say, or the last word in a matter you’ve been silenced on, your voice is squashed in favor of what they want to say or do.
Each time you say yes when you want to say no because you want to please them or make them happy, you’re not truly making them happy.
Narcissists are never truly happy. All you’re doing is permitting them to control you and have their own way repeatedly.
The consequences of that can be damaging, as the narcissist continues to push and push you to your limit. What can they get away with now? Only they will know because they’re the ones causing that damage.
Giving them what they want is handing over supply for them.
The Attraction is Deep – Why?
The attraction you have for the narcissist comes from what you feel they provide you with in the early days of meeting them.
You met somebody, and all your prayers have been answered. They’re perfect.
There is no deeper attraction than clicking with somebody in every aspect, but that attraction is based solely on their lies. It’s hard for victims to admit, because they’ve been so programmed to believe the falseness.
Narcissists will suck all the life out of you if it means they get to live another day. You will never come first to them (nobody does), yet you still hang on.
Why?
It’s because they can fool you into believing that their treatment toward you is the standard of love you deserve.
So you stay, and the love you don’t receive but do want, never comes.
You have to learn that you deserve more, but because that’s difficult, the narcissist keeps coming back.
Time and Time Again: Nothing Changes
Do you ever feel completely stuck in the loop?
Why is nothing changing?
Why do I keep on attracting the same type of toxic person?
Why do I keep falling for the bad guy?
Why can’t I meet somebody nice?
You can meet somebody nice, but nice is always uncomfortable in the minds of the people who are used to abuse.
And that’s why you keep attracting them.
You’re looking for the familiarity of toxicity because it’s all you know.
Cutting Off Supply: Healing 101
Supply is hard to break when you only want to make the person you love happy, but I want you to consider something for a moment.
Is it love?
Probably a stupid question, as I’m sure you will say yes, I love that person so much.
What you think is love, is actually unhealthy, and love is not meant to feel that way.
It’s always possible to heal, but without the acknowledgment of what attracts you to narcissists, you are going to keep finding yourself stuck in the same loophole that you’re simultaneously trying to get yourself out of.
The first step is to look back at relationship patterns. What do you offer that eventually gets taken from you?
What are you looking for in somebody? Where does your purpose sit in every relationship you’re in?
Knowing the cause can prevent the consequences.
