{"id":658,"date":"2014-03-26T21:25:19","date_gmt":"2014-03-26T20:25:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/?p=658"},"modified":"2022-07-04T16:57:55","modified_gmt":"2022-07-04T15:57:55","slug":"living-with-a-narcissist-when-leaving-is-not-an-option","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/living-with-a-narcissist-when-leaving-is-not-an-option\/","title":{"rendered":"Living With A Narcissist: When Leaving is Not an Option"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>People with <a aria-label=\"Narcissistic Personality Disorder (opens in a new tab)\" class=\"rank-math-link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mayoclinic.org\/diseases-conditions\/narcissistic-personality-disorder\/symptoms-causes\/syc-20366662\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Narcissistic Personality Disorder<\/a> (NPD) can be found in all walks of life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sometimes you may find yourself working for them or living with them (spouse, sibling, or parent); you may find that you must endure their presence as you do not have a viable option of leaving-at least at that given time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Living with a narcissist can be distressing and depressing, their behavior appealing and appalling. &nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A narcissist can be charming, romantic and funny\u2026and he can be arrogant, deceitful, hurtful and despicable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Some people are able to cope with the roller coaster ride, but many others find it difficult to maintain a <a href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/narcissist-in-relationships\/\">relationship with a narcissist<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"has-black-color has-luminous-vivid-amber-background-color has-text-color has-background wp-block-heading\" id=\"codependent-and-narcissism\">Codependent and Narcissism<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>People who are \u2018<a href=\"https:\/\/www.verywellmind.com\/what-is-codependency-5072124\" target=\"_blank\" aria-label=\"codependent (opens in a new tab)\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" class=\"rank-math-link\">codependent<\/a>\u2019 but don\u2019t have a personality disorder (like borderline or narcissism) can have a perfect, if somewhat painful, fit in a narcissistic relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A codependent also has low self-esteem but theirs\u2019 is boosted by the narcissist\u2019s extroverted personality and aura of success. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Furthermore, their low self-esteem allows them to endure the narcissist\u2019s abuse. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-light-green-cyan-background-color has-background\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<p><strong>Reading Suggestions:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>Why the <a aria-label=\"Hoovering narcissist (opens in a new tab)\" href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/why-the-hoovering-narcissist-wont-leave-you-alone\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" class=\"rank-math-link\">Hoovering narcissist<\/a> won&#8217;t leave you Alone<\/li><li><a aria-label=\"How to know if a Narcissist is finished with you? (opens in a new tab)\" href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/how-to-know-if-a-narcissist-is-finished-with-you\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" class=\"rank-math-link\">How to know if a Narcissist is finished with you?<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/how-do-narcissists-end-relationships\/\" target=\"_blank\" aria-label=\"How do narcissists end Relationships? (opens in a new tab)\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" class=\"rank-math-link\">How do narcissists end Relationships?<\/a><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>They feel guilty asserting their own needs and loving\/caring for a narcissist makes them feel valued. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It is also a perfect fit because the codependent doesn\u2019t feel worthy of receiving love for the individual that they are, only for what they give or do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Another common narcissistic relationship that \u201cworks\u201d is with an adult who was raised by a narcissistic parent. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Children of narcissists often choose a narcissist for a mate. Due to their childhood experiences, it seems natural to them- psychologically comfortable- to be manipulated by a handsome, charming, tyrannical and abusive lover.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When a person becomes aware they are living with a narcissist, they have several options. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The first option is leaving the relationship, the second is limiting the relationship (for example if it is a parent who no longer lives in the same house), and another is to stay in the relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If they choose to remain in the relationship and are emotionally vulnerable to the narcissist, they need to learn coping skills in order to survive and maintain their mental\/emotional health.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"has-black-color has-luminous-vivid-amber-background-color has-text-color has-background wp-block-heading\" id=\"how-to-cope-with-a-narcissist-when-leaving-is-not-an-option\">How to Cope with a Narcissist When leaving is not an option<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"develop-a-support-system\">Develop a support system<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>People outside of the immediate family are often impressed by the narcissist&#8217;s charm and find it difficult to believe that your own experiences are so very different from theirs; <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>this can result in feelings of being misunderstood and isolated. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Reach out to others and develop a support system of adults who are in no way charmed by narcissistic behavior. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>They may have narcissistic family members of their own, they may have been hurt or manipulated by a narcissist, or they are people who have never met\/been charmed by your narcissist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"enforce-boundaries\">Enforce boundaries<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Don&#8217;t do anything that you are uncomfortable with just because you are being asked to. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Be consistent and firm with your own needs, desires and limitations. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-light-green-cyan-background-color has-background\"><strong>Reading Suggestion:<\/strong> <a href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/how-to-make-a-narcissist-miss-you\/\">How To Make a Narcissist Miss You?<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Let the narcissist deal with his own disappointment when his wishes are not met. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Be mindful of your own personal limits, needs, irritants, and aspirations. State these clearly to the narcissist and be consistent when enforcing them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"create-win-win-solutions\">Create win-win solutions<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Narcissists demand those around them to perform contradictory tasks or behaviors and then become angry when their demands are not met. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Develop Win-Win solutions and apply them repeatedly; the narcissist will eventually become bored with his No-Win situations and abandon them for another means to get his own way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can go to \u201cconflict resolution\u201d websites for details on how to develop win-win solutions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"manage-emotional-outbursts\">Manage emotional outbursts<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Neither partner should be allowed to treat the other with disrespect. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At times you\u2019ll be upset with each other and need to let off steam. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If one person needs to vent feelings, that person must take responsibility for those feelings, not blaming the other for &#8220;making&#8221; him or her feel that way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you\u2019re being spoken to&nbsp;with anger or disrespect, stop the action right there. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Make <em>how<\/em> you are being treated&nbsp;the issue. If necessary, walk away, letting it be known that you\u2019ll gladly pick up where you left off when you\u2019re treated with respect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-light-green-cyan-background-color has-background\"><strong>Reading Suggestion:<\/strong> <a aria-label=\"What is Narcissistic Rage (opens in a new tab)\" href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/what-is-narcissistic-rage\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" class=\"rank-math-link\">What is Narcissistic Rage<\/a>?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"know-when-you-re-being-gaslighted\">Know when you\u2019re being \u201cgaslighted\u201d<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>If the narcissist says something and then denies saying it or claims to have said something when he really didn\u2019t, and blames you for not listening or having a poor memory, <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>you are probably being gaslighted. It can make you doubt your own sanity. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Narcissists do this to throw you off balance psychologically although sometimes he\u2019s simply responding to his need of the moment, forgetting&nbsp;what he previously said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-light-green-cyan-background-color has-background\"><strong>Reading Suggestion<\/strong>:<a href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/what-is-gaslighting-in-narcissism\/\" target=\"_blank\" aria-label=\"What is Gaslighting in Narcissism? (opens in a new tab)\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" class=\"rank-math-link\">What is Gaslighting in Narcissism?<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"learn-negotiating-skills\">Learn negotiating skills<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Learn more about the skills of negotiation (it will help you in all areas of life).<strong> <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Learn what is and isn\u2019t negotiable.<\/strong>Some behavior you may not like but it isn\u2019t life altering if you let it slide. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>However, if you let <em>everything<\/em> slide you\u2019ll find yourself in a situation that is simply intolerable.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Just because the narcissist wants something doesn\u2019t mean he <em>needs<\/em> to get it or if he forcefully expresses himself doesn\u2019t mean you have to give in.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"maintain-your-own-self-esteem\">Maintain your own Self Esteem<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The narcissist is bent on satisfying his own needs and does not concern himself with yours; <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>this behavior along with all the criticism can lead to a loss of self-esteem, loss in believing in yourself and no longer trusting your own judgment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You need to maintain your self-esteem by giving yourself something the narcissist won\u2019t give you- positive reinforcement. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Say kind things to yourself, congratulate yourself on achievements big and small, remind yourself that you DO have good judgment, and spend time with others who think highly of you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"don-t-keep-secrets\">Don\u2019t keep secrets<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>One of the most difficult things to do is to be honest with others about how the narcissist in your life behaves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You may feel embarrassed or ashamed, especially if you\u2019ve been covering for him. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But don\u2019t isolate yourself-find a friend or family member whom you can confide in. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You might also want to seek professional help to help you strengthen coping skills and determination.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"learn-to-understand-the-narcissist\">Learn to understand the narcissist<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Monitor and learn the narcissist\u2019s body language. A narcissist&#8217;s body language can reveal feelings that he or she is trying to hide (for example, anger at not getting enough attention or subservience from others). <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>You can watch for anger in the narcissist&#8217;s face when something is said that might be perceived as criticism or a threat to his authority. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you can learn his body language, you may be able to alleviate some of the emotional turbulence and reinforce his positive feelings or associations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-heading\" id=\"learn-to-identify-the-danger-signs\">Learn to identify the danger signs<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Although not all narcissists are prone to physical violence, there are enough that are to warrant watching for this trait if the narcissist displays some of the warning signs. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Potential signs of danger that might forewarn of physical violence:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li>Possessive or controlling behavior<\/li><li>Verbal abuse<\/li><li>Constant criticism<\/li><li>Undue control of family finances<\/li><li>Isolation from family and friends<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group has-light-green-cyan-background-color has-background\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<p><strong>Reading Suggestions:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul><li><a aria-label=\"9 Signs You Are Dating a Narcissist (opens in a new tab)\" href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/dating-a-narcissist\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" class=\"rank-math-link\">9 Signs You Are Dating a Narcissist<\/a><\/li><li><a aria-label=\"Can narcissists be jealous on pets? (opens in a new tab)\" href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/can-a-narcissist-be-jealous-on-a-pet\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" class=\"rank-math-link\">Can narcissists be jealous of pets?<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/living-with-a-narcissist\/\" target=\"_blank\" aria-label=\"How to survive living with a Narcissist? (opens in a new tab)\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\" class=\"rank-math-link\">How to survive living with a Narcissist?<\/a><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>Resources:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol><li><em><a href=\"http:\/\/narcissism-support.blogspot.com\/2009\/01\/how-to-live-with-narcissist.html\">http:\/\/narcissism-support.blogspot.com\/2009\/01\/how-to-live-with-narcissist.html<\/a><\/em><\/li><li><em><a href=\"http:\/\/psychcentral.com\/blog\/archives\/2012\/12\/27\/how-to-live-with-a-narcissist\/\">http:\/\/psychcentral.com\/blog\/archives\/2012\/12\/27\/how-to-live-with-a-narcissist\/<\/a><\/em><\/li><li><em><a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikibooks.org\/wiki\/Living_With_a_Narcissist\">http:\/\/en.wikibooks.org\/wiki\/Living_With_a_Narcissist<\/a><\/em><\/li><\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Living with a narcissist can be distressing and depressing, their behavior appealing and appalling. \u00a0A narcissist can be charming, romantic and funny\u2026and he can be arrogant, deceitful, hurtful and despicable.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7036,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/658"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=658"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/658\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7036"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=658"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=658"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=658"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}