The cycle of abuse follows a familiar pattern: tension, an abusive incident, reconciliation, and a period of calm. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Abuse, followed by remorse, followed by things feeling okay is part of what makes people feel like they can get through an abusive relationship, thinking it will eventually get better. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The narcissistic cycle of abuse <\/strong>is a bit different though, with the cyclical nature played out with subsequent partners. First comes love, then comes abuse, and finally a breakup before the narcissist moves on to their next victim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The old adage \u201chistory does not repeat itself, but it does rhyme\u201d is particularly true regarding narcissists. <\/p>\n\n\n\n While the cycle of abuse may not follow the exact same trajectory for every relationship, there are a few steps that people with narcissistic personality disorder have in common.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Table of Content:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n When you\u2019re in the circle of abuse with a narcissist, their brand of emotional terror can feel very unique and personally damning, but the strategy they follow is fairly similar with each partner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It typically comes in three stages, though a narcissist\u2019s need for emotional supply creates a natural ebb and flow from one stage to the next.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Concepts We Talk About<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n This is the stage in the narcissistic relationship cycle that initially hooks the victim and it\u2019s often what makes them return to the narcissist after things get bad. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In the beginning, narcissists shower their victims with praise and admiration, a technique known as \u201clove bombing<\/a>\u201d.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n A telltale sign of love bombing is that you feel the relationship progressing too fast. Narcissists have a grandiose sense of themselves, and that translates to how they feel about their relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n They might declare you soulmates after the first date. You\u2019re being put on a pedestal from the beginning, which means you have nowhere to go but down in the eyes of your narcissistic partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Narcissists make their partner feel like the center of the universe, but all that praise has little to do with their partner\u2019s value as a person and everything to do with how the new relationship makes the narcissist feel; they are reflecting the positive emotions that they feel about themselves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Unfortunately, the immediate bond and heaping helpings of praise can also be addictive to the victim, which is one reason so many people return to toxic relationships with narcissistic partners. <\/p>\n\n\n\n All good things must end, and with a narcissist, it all comes crashing down in a relatively short period. <\/p>\n\n\n\n While narcissists idealize their partner in the early stages of the relationship, they start seeing the cracks in a matter of months, after which this is all they can focus on. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The devaluing phase is a reflection of how the narcissist is feeling about themselves. They\u2019re no longer riding the high of a new relationship, and the disappointment over that is taken out on their partner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n To regain their ego, they lash out at the partner and belittle them until they feel strong again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Depending on the narcissist\u2019s emotional state, they can vacillate between the idealization and devaluation stage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n One minute they’re madly in love, and in the next their partner can\u2019t do anything right. This back and forth is incredibly damaging to their partner\u2019s psyche and makes them much easier for the narcissist to control<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Reading Suggestions:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n While the devaluation phase is no picnic, it\u2019s the discard that partners of narcissists fear<\/a> most. During this stage, the narcissist seems to just walk away. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes they will speak out against their former partners to any mutual friends that will listen, but most of the time they simply leave with barely a word of explanation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n When a narcissist discards the partner it\u2019s because they are no longer getting what they need out of the relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Their partner isn\u2019t providing the ego-boosting supply they desperately crave, even when they\u2019ve trained their partner to provide it during the devaluation stage. Sometimes only a new partner will do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The discard phase isn\u2019t necessarily final though. Many narcissists return to a former relationship when they need an extra bit of supply. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes this will be short-lived, but other times they\u2019ll fall back into familiar habits and the cycle of abuse starts all over again. Many narcissistic relationships go through several discard phases before a final discard actually occurs. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes this is a relief for the abused partner, but more often it leaves them confused and distressed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While narcissistic abuse<\/a> might seem fairly linear, it\u2019s actually a cyclical process, and most victims encounter each state a number of times before they leave the relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n For example, the narcissistic discard phase appears final, but many narcissists utilize it as part of a hoovering technique. After the devalue and discard phases, the narcissist moves on to another partner or at least tries to. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Once they become bored of this situation, they will often return to their previous partner, showering them in praise and talking about why they should have never left. <\/p>\n\n\n\n This is all part of the narcissist mean\/nice cycle<\/strong> though, and it won\u2019t be long before they begin devaluing their partner again. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The idealization and devaluation phases can flip flop many times throughout a relationship, with the narcissist abusing their victims, apologizing for their behavior, and expressing admiration for their partner. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Before long though, they\u2019ll be criticizing and putting their partner down until they are completely broken and powerless, but even this isn\u2019t enough to satisfy the narcissist. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The partner has stopped fulfilling their need for supply and they carry out the same narcissistic discard as before – walking away with seemingly no regret or emotion of any kind. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Whether this happens again depends on whether the narcissist sees more supply to be squeezed out and whether their partner is willing to tolerate further cycles of abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Halting the cycle of abuse is no easy task; it\u2019s why many victims of narcissistic abuse stay in these relationships for months or years after the devaluation stage begins. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The first step in getting away from an abuser is understanding what constitutes abuse and how it affects you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Narcissists leave many scars on their victims, specifically in how they perceive relationships, trust other people, and even how they experience the world. <\/p>\n\n\n\n What Does Narcissistic Abuse Do to You? Recent research using brain imaging technology has found that narcissistic abuse causes many of the same problems as traumatic events like war and natural disasters. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Many victims of narcissistic abuse develop PTSD<\/a> (post-traumatic stress disorder) and have the symptoms to match it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Narcissistic abuse has a negative effect on the hippocampus region of the brain. This is where memories are converted from short-term to long-term storage. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Thus, abuse survivors have more trouble with recall and sometimes have difficulty learning new subjects. The prefrontal cortex is where decision-making occurs, and those who have spent months or years inside a relationship with a narcissist often cannot make plans or focus their attention. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Then there\u2019s the amygdala, which is thought to be one of the major controllers of our emotional reactions. Those experiencing abuse have a harder time regulating their feelings, leading to anxiety, depression, and other mood disorders. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Abuse can come in many flavors, and a narcissist is likely to try a few to figure out what works – what takes your power away and leaves you under their spell. <\/p>\n\n\n\n At its core, narcissistic emotional abuse is about the narcissist controlling their partner\u2019s behavior<\/a>. To do this, they need to break them down to the point that they look to the narcissist for all of their validation and worth. <\/p>\n\n\n\n These are some of the most common forms of narcissistic abuse. <\/p>\n\n\n\n How Do Victims of Narcissists Feel?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Everyone who\u2019s experienced the pain of narcissistic abuse feels differently, but there are some feelings that are fairly common for all victims. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Escaping the cycle of emotional abuse is never easy, but it is possible and absolutely necessary if you want to maintain your own mental health. These are some of the key steps in leaving someone with narcissistic personality disorder.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Narcissists have a knack for blaming their victims, telling them that they\u2019re too sensitive, they\u2019ll never find anyone that will treat them better, and gaslighting<\/a> them into believing the abuse didn\u2019t happen in the first place. <\/p>\n\n\n\n You should write down abusive actions so you don\u2019t forget them or become convinced that things unfolded differently. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Once you see that all the love bombing and instant emotional connection is just a front for the devaluation and discard stages down the road, you can start your journey away from this relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Narcissists are incredibly self-absorbed and have no trouble violating your personal space. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Sometimes this is intentional, but at least in the initial stages, the narcissist is simply incapable of understanding your needs or boundaries. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Lay some ground rules for your interactions with them; this may lead to some narcissistic rage, but letting them know you expect boundaries should make for better interactions in the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Narcissists fight dirty when they\u2019re hurt and you need to go in expecting that. They may start a smear campaign<\/a>, attempting to set your friends, family, and even coworkers against you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Narcissists are always trying to get others on their side, but if you\u2019re prepared for the campaign, you can counter it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Narcissists are great at telling you what they\u2019ll do in the future. Unfortunately, they rarely follow through. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re going to stay in a relationship with a narcissist, but want the abuse cycle to stop, demanding immediate change is a must. Set concrete steps for what they need to do if you\u2019re to continue this relationship<\/p>\n\n\n\n Walking away from an abusive relationship is incredibly difficult and you\u2019ll need some support. Friends and family can be helpful, but they\u2019re not always equipped to deal with a complicated situation like this. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Fortunately, there are resources out there – therapists, lawyers, and nonprofits focused on abusive relationships. They\u2019ve seen what narcissistic abusers are capable of and know-how to get you out as quickly as possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A confrontation with your abuser is never going to have a good outcome. They could become rageful<\/a>, but more likely, they\u2019ll try to suck you back into the cycle<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The narcissist might act remorseful, tell you they can change, and then go back to their old ways a week or two later. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Many survivors of narcissistic abuse will try to make it work, and it is possible that the narcissist can change with proper boundaries and expectations. <\/p>\n\n\n\n However, most narcissists will not want to stay in a relationship with these restrictions because it won\u2019t be fulfilling their needs. <\/p>\n\n\n\n In that case, it\u2019s better for both sides to walk away instead of going through another round of abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sharing is Caring, did you enjoy this article? consider sharing it with your friends.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Are You Interested in The Following Topics?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n One day you are the greatest person on earth to them, but when you don’t do or say something they wanted you to, or you ask something of them that they don’t want to do- they demean you and ignore you. You are no longer important to them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5226,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[14],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/316"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=316"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/316\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5226"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=316"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=316"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=316"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}What is the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Idealization<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Devaluing<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Discard<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
How Does the Cycle of Abuse Work?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
How Do I Stop the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Why is Narcissistic Abuse so Damaging?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
What is Narcissistic Emotional Abuse and What Does It Look Like?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
6 Ways to Stop the Narcissistic Cycle of Abuse<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
1. Understand that you\u2019re being abused<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
2. Set boundaries.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
3. Get your guard up.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
4. Don\u2019t accept promises, demand action. <\/h3>\n\n\n\n
5. Get help. <\/h3>\n\n\n\n
6. Walk away unannounced. <\/h3>\n\n\n\n