When you\u2019re in a relationship with a narcissist, and they accuse you of being narcissistic, you\u2019re probably even more confused. Below, we\u2019ll clear up the confusion around this accusation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n It\u2019s not unusual for a narcissist to accuse their victims of being narcissistic. This behavior typically happens for one or more of the reasons below. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Narcissists are notorious for having fragile self-esteem. That\u2019s why they go to great lengths to appear superior to everyone around them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Narcissists cannot take accountability for any of their negative traits, because their egos are too weak to allow it. To protect themselves, they use a variety of defensive tactics.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One such tactic is projection. This involves the narcissist taking their undesirable qualities and attributing them to other people. If they feel they are being criticized for who they are, they just might call you the narcissist! <\/p>\n\n\n\n Narcissistd cannot rely on only one defense mechanism, so they need more tools than projection in their arsenal. Blame-shifting is another common defense mechanism that allows the narcissist to avoid accountability.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you bring attention to one of their wrongdoings, they may shift the blame by calling you a narcissist. Perhaps you\u2019ve told them that they\u2019ve hurt your feelings. They might respond, \u201cYou\u2019re awfully high and mighty, thinking everyone cares about your feelings! You’re such a narcissist!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n This allows the narcissist to take the blame off of themselves and shift it onto you. Suddenly, you\u2019ve forgotten what you were even upset about because you\u2019re so shocked by the accusation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Narcissists also love to gaslight. This behavior involves trying to convince you that you\u2019re crazy or having trouble understanding reality. <\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re trying to hold the narcissist accountable, they might accuse you of being a narcissist. This causes you to question your own reality, and worry that you might be the problem in the relationship. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Accusing you of being the narcissist leaves you confused. Now, your head is spinning, and you wonder if it\u2019s really true. You may even begin to question yourself. You thought you were a good person, but maybe that\u2019s not the case! <\/p>\n\n\n\n When you\u2019re confused and full of self-doubt, the narcissist has you exactly where they want you. You\u2019re much easier to control when you\u2019re unsure of yourself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n The narcissist may accuse you of being the narcissist simply because they want to manipulate you. The narcissist cannot let you have too much power. If you always felt good about yourself, they\u2019d lose control over you!\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n To manipulate you, the narcissist may accuse you of being narcissistic. This can make you feel guilty as if you\u2019ve shown hurtful behavior. It\u2019s also likely to undermine your self-esteem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Over time, you may even start to believe that you\u2019re the real narcissist. To avoid being perceived as narcissistic, you will likely go to great lengths to prove that you\u2019re kind and genuine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n You\u2019re also likely to shower the narcissist with generosity to show that you\u2019re not what they\u2019re accusing you of being! This leaves the narcissist with all the power, because they learn that some simple name-calling will alter your behavior.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Narcissists struggle with empathy, so they don\u2019t have any time for your feelings. If they accuse you of being a narcissist, they could be trying to invalidate whatever you\u2019re saying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Their goal is for you to believe that you\u2019re too sensitive, or that you\u2019re exaggerating your point of view. If they can get you to believe this, you\u2019ll start to feel badly about yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n After they\u2019ve repeatedly invalidated you, you\u2019ll give up on expressing your feelings to the narcissist. Now they no longer have to hear about your complaints and are in a position of power. They can do whatever they want to you, and you won\u2019t even speak up about it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When someone accuses you of being a narcissist, it\u2019s hard not to begin to question yourself. This is especially true if you\u2019ve faced repeated accusations. <\/p>\n\n\n\n So, are you the narcissist? Figuring out the answer to this question should be rather simple. First, take some time for self-reflection. Do you tend to believe that you deserve special treatment or that it is more important than others? Do you think you should be allowed to do whatever you need to do to get people to give you your way?<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you answered, \u201cno\u201d to these questions, you probably aren\u2019t the narcissist. Honestly, if you were willing to take the time to engage in self-reflection, that\u2019s a key indicator you aren\u2019t narcissistic. Most narcissists aren\u2019t capable of true self-reflection, especially if it means looking at their own flaws. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Since you\u2019ve made it this far, you passed that first test. Now, let\u2019s look at your other relationships. Have all of the people you\u2019ve dated had the same problems with you that the person accusing you of being a narcissist seems to have? Have you been called a narcissist in previous relationships?<\/p>\n\n\n\n Again, if you answer no, you\u2019re probably not the narcissist. If no one else in your life calls you a narcissist, it\u2019s probably not a fair accusation. It\u2019s more likely that the person making the accusation is the narcissist, especially if they show narcissistic traits, like arrogance, a need for constant praise, and a willingness to exploit others. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Finally, consider your level of empathy. Do you genuinely feel sadness or remorse when you hurt someone? Do you identify with what your loved ones are going through when they\u2019re hurt or upset? If these answers are yes, you\u2019re probably not the narcissist. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Narcissistic people aren\u2019t capable of admitting their own faults, but they are perfectly willing to criticize others. If you\u2019re in a relationship with someone who shows narcissistic traits, their accusations that you\u2019re the real narcissist shouldn\u2019t be taken seriously. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Chances are, they\u2019re trying to manipulate you or convince you that you\u2019re the abusive one, so they don\u2019t have to own up to their own behavior. They want to be able to continue to mistreat you, and for you to allow them to do this, they must maintain control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One way they can achieve this is by making you feel like a self-centered, arrogant jerk. Don\u2019t let them get away with it. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" If you\u2019ve ever been with a narcissist, you know that before long, they will show a dark side. The relationship might have started as rainbows and butterflies, but chances are, it quickly declined. Early on in a relationship with a narcissist, it will become clear to you that there is something off about them. 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<\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\nUnpacking the Accusation<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
#1 Projection<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
#2 Blame-Shifting<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
#3 Gaslighting<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
#4 Manipulation<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
#5 Invalidation\u00a0<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Am I Really the Narcissist?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n