{"id":18905,"date":"2023-09-18T10:14:13","date_gmt":"2023-09-18T09:14:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/?p=18905"},"modified":"2024-02-20T10:20:47","modified_gmt":"2024-02-20T09:20:47","slug":"do-narcissists-know-what-they-are-doing","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/do-narcissists-know-what-they-are-doing\/","title":{"rendered":"Do Narcissists Know What They Are Doing?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"wp-block-ultimate-post-table-of-content ultp-block-d0469e\"><div class=\"ultp-block-wrapper\"><div class=\"ultp-block-toc\"><div class=\"ultp-toc-header\"><div class=\"ultp-toc-heading\">Table of Contents<\/div><div class=\"ultp-collapsible-toggle ultp-toggle-collapsed ultp-collapsible-right\"><a class=\"ultp-collapsible-text ultp-collapsible-open\" href=\"javascript:;\">[Open]<\/a><a class=\"ultp-collapsible-text ultp-collapsible-hide\" href=\"javascript:;\">[Close]<\/a><\/div><\/div><div class=\"ultp-block-toc-style1 ultp-block-toc-body\" style=\"display:none;\"><ul class=\"ultp-toc-lists\"><li><a href=\"#Are_Narcissists_Self_Aware?\">Are Narcissists Self Aware?<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#Do_all_Narcissists_Know_What_They_are_Doing_is_Wrong?\">Do all Narcissists Know What They are Doing is Wrong?<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#Do_Narcissists_Know_They_are_Manipulating?\">Do Narcissists Know They are Manipulating?<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#Do_They_Know_They_are_Using_You?\">Do They Know They are Using You?<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#Do_They_Know_They_are_Narcissists?\">Do They Know They are Narcissists?<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#Do_They_Consider_Themselves_Evil?\">Do They Consider Themselves Evil?<\/a><\/li><li><a href=\"#Can_You_Make_Narcissists_Understand_What_They_are_Doing?\">Can You Make Narcissists Understand What They are Doing?<\/a><\/li><\/ul><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>It\u2019s tempting to give narcissists the benefit of the doubt, especially if you&#8217;re in love with one. You might want to believe that they\u2019re unaware of their destructive behavior and that their manipulative ways are completely subconscious.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Many people who\u2019ve struggled to survive a narcissistic relationship have asked themselves, \u201cDo narcissists know what they are doing?\u201d And you can understand why. It\u2019s hard to believe that someone who claims to love you would intentionally treat you so badly.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Narcissists may not be aware every time they manipulate, gaslight, or blame you for something they did, but they are aware of their general behavior, much of which is premeditated.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Of course, it\u2019s never that simple with narcissists, so we need to dig a little deeper. In this article, I want to examine whether narcissists are truly oblivious to the pain they cause or if their actions are intentional.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-Narcissists-Know-What-They-Are-Doing-1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-Narcissists-Know-What-They-Are-Doing-1-1024x1024.jpg\" alt=\"Do Narcissists Know What They Are Doing\" class=\"wp-image-19067\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-Narcissists-Know-What-They-Are-Doing-1-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-Narcissists-Know-What-They-Are-Doing-1-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-Narcissists-Know-What-They-Are-Doing-1-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-Narcissists-Know-What-They-Are-Doing-1-768x768.jpg 768w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-Narcissists-Know-What-They-Are-Doing-1-600x600.jpg 600w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-Narcissists-Know-What-They-Are-Doing-1.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"Are_Narcissists_Self_Aware?\">Are Narcissists Self Aware?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Narcissists know when they\u2019re love bombing you or gaslighting you. They invest time and thought into their manipulations, ensuring they\u2019ll have their desired effect.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Are-Narcissists-Self-Aware.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Are-Narcissists-Self-Aware-768x1024.jpg\" alt=\"Are Narcissists Self Aware\" class=\"wp-image-19052\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Are-Narcissists-Self-Aware-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Are-Narcissists-Self-Aware-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Are-Narcissists-Self-Aware-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Are-Narcissists-Self-Aware.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>There\u2019s nothing wrong with a narcissist\u2019s level of self-awareness &#8211; the problem stems from their lack of empathy. Narcissists know that flying into a narcissistic rage will upset you or even drive you to tears, but they don\u2019t really care.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>One of the easiest ways to understand a narcissist\u2019s behavior is to compare them to a dog (not very flattering, I know, but bear with me).&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When a dog barks at you, it\u2019s not doing it to upset you or even frighten you &#8211; it just wants you to go away. It doesn\u2019t think about or even care how its behavior makes you feel as long as it has the desired outcome.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The narcissist behaves in the same way. They can see that their behavior upsets you but can\u2019t empathize with those emotions, so think no more about them.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A degree of premeditation is essential. It would be impossible to consistently love-bomb and then devalue someone without a certain measure of self-awareness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Sadly, the narcissists&#8217; self-awareness is a little different from other people\u2019s. If we behave in a manner that upsets someone else or is perceived as antisocial, we strive to change and become better people in the eyes of others.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Narcissists don\u2019t have this desire. They&#8217;re what\u2019s known as ego-dystonic, meaning they see their behavior only in terms of their self-image and goals, so it doesn\u2019t arouse the same self-recrimination it does in others.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"Do_all_Narcissists_Know_What_They_are_Doing_is_Wrong?\">Do all Narcissists Know What They are Doing is Wrong?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Narcissists may have some self-awareness, but that doesn\u2019t shed much light on the question, \u201cDo narcissists know what they are doing is wrong?\u201d We need to gain some insight into their complex thought patterns to answer that.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-all-Narcissists-Know-What-They-are-Doing-is-Wrong.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-all-Narcissists-Know-What-They-are-Doing-is-Wrong-768x1024.jpg\" alt=\"Do all Narcissists Know What They are Doing is Wrong\" class=\"wp-image-19059\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-all-Narcissists-Know-What-They-are-Doing-is-Wrong-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-all-Narcissists-Know-What-They-are-Doing-is-Wrong-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-all-Narcissists-Know-What-They-are-Doing-is-Wrong-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-all-Narcissists-Know-What-They-are-Doing-is-Wrong.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>While some narcissists may recognize their behavior as problematic, others might genuinely believe their actions are justified or even righteous because they achieve certain goals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Think about it like this &#8211; a narcissist believes they\u2019re perfect and superior to everyone around them. In their formative years, no one ever told them what they were doing was wrong, so they never learned to be accountable for their behavior or learn from their mistakes.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/today.oregonstate.edu\/news\/narcissists-don%25E2%2580%2599t-learn-their-mistakes-because-they-don%25E2%2580%2599t-think-they-make-any-study-shows\">Researchers<\/a> at Oregon State University found that because narcissists refuse to acknowledge they\u2019ve made a mistake, they fail to learn from them. They lack the self-reflection needed to recognize bad behavior and the motivation to change it.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Even if they do recognize that they\u2019ve done something wrong, they\u2019ll refuse to take responsibility for it, either by understating it or blaming someone else for provoking it.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For instance, a narcissist might realize that cheating on their partner is wrong, but instead of owning up to it, they might shift the blame onto their partner, claiming that the partner&#8217;s perceived coldness or inattentiveness pushed them into the situation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In essence, the degree to which narcissists comprehend the wrongfulness of their actions can vary greatly. It&#8217;s often intertwined with their deeply ingrained self-image, their upbringing, and their capacity for self-reflection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In general, most narcissists are aware that their behavior might be considered wrong but don\u2019t accept that the rules that apply to everyone else apply to them.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Narcissists believe themselves so superior that they think they can break the rules and get away with doing things others would be admonished for.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"Do_Narcissists_Know_They_are_Manipulating?\">Do Narcissists Know They are Manipulating?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Not every manipulation will be premeditated, but the narcissist will be aware of their manipulative behavior.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-Narcissists-Know-They-are-Manipulating.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-Narcissists-Know-They-are-Manipulating-768x1024.jpg\" alt=\"Do Narcissists Know They are Manipulating\" class=\"wp-image-19056\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-Narcissists-Know-They-are-Manipulating-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-Narcissists-Know-They-are-Manipulating-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-Narcissists-Know-They-are-Manipulating-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-Narcissists-Know-They-are-Manipulating.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>So, \u201cdo narcissists understand what they are doing?\u201d &#8211; to a degree. In some instances, narcissists aren\u2019t just aware of what they\u2019re doing but also proud of it. In other situations, a narcissist may react subconsciously, using well-worn patterns of behavior simply out of habit rather than conscious intent.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019ve got a couple of examples to help illustrate my point.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"Premeditated_Manipulation\">Premeditated Manipulation<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Imagine you\u2019re in a committed relationship with a narcissist, but his need for attention and validation is such that he\u2019s always looking out for other opportunities to boost his self-esteem. After a few months, he feels his narcissistic supply is drying up and seeks the thrill of a new context.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He plans each moment of his deception, starting by strategically creating distance between himself and you. He instigates subtle arguments, withdraws emotionally, and starts planting seeds of doubt about the stability of your relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The narcissist then pinpoints a co-worker who\u2019s shown a friendly interest in him and starts spending more time with her, telling her his relationship with you is on the rocks and hinting at his emotional vulnerability.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>He slowly escalates the physical aspect of their relationship, love-bombing her into believing this relationship is all he\u2019s ever wanted. At the same time, he rationalizes the affair, telling himself he has every reason to look elsewhere because you\u2019re not giving him the attention he deserves.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When you finally find out about the affair, he blames you for his infidelity, saying you\u2019ve been emotionally distant and neglectful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This is a clear example of premeditated manipulation. Not only did your partner prepare the ground for his betrayal, but he also identified a target, pursued her, and justified the affair to himself while maintaining the role of the victim in his relationship with you.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"Subconscious_Manipulation\">Subconscious Manipulation<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>A narcissist might behave unconsciously in a different scenario, but their manipulation will be just as effective.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Imagine your narcissistic partner feels insecure in the relationship and employs passive-aggressive tactics to manipulate your emotions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When you tell him you\u2019re going to spend the evening with friends, he responds, \u201cOh, you&#8217;re going out with them again? I guess you really enjoy their company more than mine.&#8221;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This makes you feel guilty and conflicted, even though your partner is completely unaware of his passive-aggressiveness.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>His actions reflect his unconscious efforts to control your emotions to maintain a sense of security in their relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Whether intentional or subconscious, narcissistic manipulation is confusing and hurtful. It may be the product of intentional planning, or could be the result of their ingrained behavior patterns.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In either case, the impact on those around them can be deeply damaging and emotionally distressing.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"Do_They_Know_They_are_Using_You?\">Do They Know They are Using You?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Narcissists may have some self-awareness, but they\u2019re not in tune with those around them. Remember, narcissists see other people as extensions of themselves rather than autonomous beings, so they believe they have every right to control and use them to achieve their goals.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Know-They-are-Using-You.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Know-They-are-Using-You-768x1024.jpg\" alt=\"Do They Know They are Using You\" class=\"wp-image-19066\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Know-They-are-Using-You-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Know-They-are-Using-You-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Know-They-are-Using-You-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Know-They-are-Using-You.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>This brings us back to the narcissist\u2019s understanding of right and wrong. They may know it\u2019s wrong for someone to cheat on their partner, but they don\u2019t believe it\u2019s wrong for them because they\u2019ve justified the behavior in their own minds.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>From their perspective, they\u2019re not hurting you, you happened to be in the way, so accidentally got caught in the crossfire.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Imagine you\u2019re a soldier on the frontline, and you have a choice between shooting one of the enemy or being shot yourself. In this context, you won\u2019t feel guilty about killing someone, as it was the only way to ensure your survival.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Similarly, narcissists justify their manipulations by viewing them as necessary for survival, fulfillment, and validation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This unique perspective allows narcissists to detach themselves from their actions&#8217; consequences emotionally. Instead of seeing their targets as individuals with feelings, they view them more like obstacles in their path to getting what they want.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This lack of empathy and inability to see things from another person&#8217;s point of view contributes to their manipulative behaviors.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>In this light, the narcissist&#8217;s actions are not perceived as morally wrong in their own internal narrative, and they may not even consider the possibility that they&#8217;re causing harm or pain.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"Do_They_Know_They_are_Narcissists?\">Do They Know They are Narcissists?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Most narcissists know they are narcissists, especially as they mature.<a href=\"https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/intl\/blog\/beautiful-minds\/201103\/do-narcissists-know-they-are-narcissists\"> Researchers<\/a> at Washington University in St. Louis found that narcissists know they\u2019re narcissists and are proud of the fact. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Know-They-are-Narcissists.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Know-They-are-Narcissists-768x1024.jpg\" alt=\"Do They Know They are Narcissists\" class=\"wp-image-19050\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Know-They-are-Narcissists-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Know-They-are-Narcissists-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Know-They-are-Narcissists-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Know-They-are-Narcissists.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>They also know other people think they\u2019re narcissists but don\u2019t care &#8211; they would rather be admired than liked.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Researchers also believe that narcissists may downplay their behaviors to make them seem more acceptable. For instance, if you tell a narcissist they\u2019re being arrogant, they might perceive it as a compliment, thinking you mean deservedly confident.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"Do_They_Consider_Themselves_Evil?\">Do They Consider Themselves Evil?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Narcissists think their actions are completely justified. Even though some narcissists intentionally hurt other people, they don\u2019t necessarily see that behavior as wrong or evil. If you\u2019ve ever wondered, \u201cDo malignant narcissists know what they are doing?\u201d The most accurate answer is both yes and no.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Consider-Themselves-Evil.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Consider-Themselves-Evil-768x1024.jpg\" alt=\"Do They Consider Themselves Evil\" class=\"wp-image-19060\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Consider-Themselves-Evil-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Consider-Themselves-Evil-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Consider-Themselves-Evil-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Do-They-Consider-Themselves-Evil.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>From their perspective, they might acknowledge that their actions can cause harm, but they often justify their behavior based on their own needs, desires, and self-centered worldview.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This lack of empathy and the conviction that their actions are warranted prevent them from considering themselves as doing something genuinely wrong or evil.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Instead, they might rationalize their actions as necessary or even righteous within their distorted understanding of the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"Can_You_Make_Narcissists_Understand_What_They_are_Doing?\">Can You Make Narcissists Understand What They are Doing?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>You might be able to get a narcissist to develop some level of self-reflection about their behavior if you approach the situation correctly.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><a href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Can-You-Make-Narcissists-Understand-What-They-are-Doing-1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"1024\" src=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Can-You-Make-Narcissists-Understand-What-They-are-Doing-1-768x1024.jpg\" alt=\"Can You Make Narcissists Understand What They are Doing \" class=\"wp-image-19069\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Can-You-Make-Narcissists-Understand-What-They-are-Doing-1-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Can-You-Make-Narcissists-Understand-What-They-are-Doing-1-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Can-You-Make-Narcissists-Understand-What-They-are-Doing-1-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/09\/Can-You-Make-Narcissists-Understand-What-They-are-Doing-1.jpg 1200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>As we\u2019ve already established, most narcissists know they are narcissists but don\u2019t necessarily see this as bad. They also know their behavior impacts you but can\u2019t empathize with your emotions, so don\u2019t really care.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>As a result, you might find it challenging to get a narcissist to understand what they\u2019re doing, but if you\u2019re determined, confident in yourself, and capable of sticking to your guns, the following approaches might help:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"Ask_Pertinent_Questionsnbsp;\">Ask Pertinent Questions&nbsp;<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>When you witness a narcissist making unreasonable demands, call them out. Ask them, \u201cDo you think that request is reasonable?\u201d Or \u201cHow would you feel if I asked you to do that?\u201d Hold a mirror in front of the narcissist and encourage them to look at their reflection and see themselves from your perspective.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"Don\u2019t_Blame_the_Person\">Don\u2019t Blame the Person<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Accusing a narcissist of being a narcissist sounds confrontational and may lead to them becoming defensive, so focus on specific examples of their behavior instead.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>For example, instead of saying, &#8220;You&#8217;re such a narcissist,&#8221; you could say, &#8220;I noticed that during our conversation, you repeatedly interrupted and redirected the topic to yourself. I find such behavior narcissistic, and it makes me feel like you don\u2019t value my thoughts or feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This approach highlights the behavior while also expressing your feelings, making it more likely for the narcissist to engage in a constructive dialogue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"Use_Humornbsp;\">Use Humor&nbsp;<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Using humor can indirectly help a narcissist understand their behavior without triggering their defensiveness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Let\u2019s say you have a friend who consistently dominates conversations with their own stories. Instead of saying, &#8220;You&#8217;re always making conversations about you,&#8221; you could take a more humorous approach: \u201dYou must be the world&#8217;s greatest storyteller; every conversation becomes a thrilling episode of &#8216;The Me Show\u2019!&#8221;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This adds a playful twist to the situation and might make them pause to consider their behavior. It also reduces the likelihood of them feeling attacked or becoming defensive, creating a more open space for self-reflection.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s tempting to give narcissists the benefit of the doubt, especially if you&#8217;re in love with one. You might want to believe that they\u2019re unaware of their destructive behavior and that their manipulative ways are completely subconscious. Many people who\u2019ve struggled to survive a narcissistic relationship have asked themselves, \u201cDo narcissists know what they are &#8230; <a title=\"Do Narcissists Know What They Are Doing?\" class=\"read-more\" href=\"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/do-narcissists-know-what-they-are-doing\/\" aria-label=\"Read more about Do Narcissists Know What They Are Doing?\">Read more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":19841,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[599],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18905"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18905"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18905\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":20804,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18905\/revisions\/20804"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/19841"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18905"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18905"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thenarcissisticlife.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18905"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}