Last Updated on August 2, 2021 by Alexander Burgemeester
The relationship started out great – they were charming, affectionate, and never stopped telling you how much they loved you.
Just a short while later, they became distant, and then came the insults, gaslighting, and emotional blackmailing. They were not the partner you fell in love with and now it seems that this narcissist is actively trying to destroy you.
You just can’t take it anymore and are tired of feeling powerless. It’s time to fight back. So what is the worst thing you can do to a narcissist…?
How do you fight someone that doesn’t operate on a normal emotional level though? Can you really ever make them feel the same pain they’ve made you feel? Moreover, is getting revenge on them something that’s healthy for you?
In this article I will describe exactly what words hurt a Narcissist the most and what the best method is to get your ultimate revenge on them. But first let’s discuss the weaknesses of the Narcissist
How Do You Humiliate a Narcissist?
It’s actually not all that difficult. Despite their confident exterior, narcissists are nearly always worried about what others think of them. Narcissists have zero sense of self-worth or resilience, so every negative outcome feels humiliating for them.
If you want to cut to a narcissist’s emotional core, make them look bad in public. Try challenging their opinions, ignoring their commands, or laughing at their misfortunes and they’ll fly into a narcissistic rage.
Unfortunately for you, the narcissist’s only option for regaining their sense of self-worth is to attack the party that has injured it. By destroying your credibility and confidence, they put themselves back on top.
Non-narcissistic individuals are often humbled by humiliations; they take a negative situation and use it as a chance to learn and grow. This almost never happens for narcissists, so any happiness you might get out of humiliating them will be offset by the retaliation that follows.
What Drives a Narcissist Insane?
Narcissists have but one goal – get more narcissistic supply. They crave praise, admiration, and a feeling of control over their life. While most people can regulate their feelings of self-worth internally, the narcissist relies completely on outsiders for this validation.
In some ways, this makes narcissists one of the easiest personalities to understand. When they have a steady source of supply, they’re happy as can be. When they don’t, they’re abusive, conniving, and cold.
Thus the easiest way to enrage a narcissist is to take away their narcissistic supply. Stop complimenting them, don’t be submissive or agreeable, and don’t do anything for them that could be seen as ego-boosting.
When you do this, the narcissist has no further use for you and will either discard you or do everything in their power to pull you back into the supply-providing role.
The problem is that even when you’re doing everything right by the narcissist, it isn’t always enough. You’re providing plenty of supply, but it just isn’t satisfying them the way that it used to. However, if you’re intent on pushing a narcissist away, these are some of the best ways to go about it.
What is the worst thing you can do to a Narcissist?
For the sake of argument, let’s say you want to get a little payback after enduring frequent episodes of narcissistic abuse. These tactics are sure to get them riled up but beware of the consequences that will ensue.
1. What Words Hurt a Narcissist the Most?
You might be wondering what words you should use to hurt or humiliate a Narcissist. But what hurts a narcissist more is using No words at all.
Narcissists use this one all the time; it’s designed to make you work for their attention and it is called Silent Treatment. It is so effective because the silent treatment is only obvious to you and the narcissist.
No blowout fights at the grocery store, no hurling insults in front of friends, just scornful non-verbal communication that makes the other person feel terrible.
Narcissists interpret silence as a form of disrespect; the silent partner gains power by not needing to express their displeasure out loud. Turning a narcissist’s preferred tactic around is doubly insulting.
Going silent could very likely send them into a narcissistic rage – screaming, insults, and possibly physical aggression. It’s dangerous territory to be in, so silence shouldn’t be used lightly.
If you’re thinking about using the silent treatment, it’s best to walk away from the relationship. It’s almost certainly irreparably broken, as there’s not much to salvage after a breakdown in communication.
2. Out Compete Them
Narcissists need to be seen as the best at everything, in their career, relationships, health, etc. A sure-fire way to make them angry is to show them up in any of these areas.
You don’t need to be blatant about it either, narcissists are always making comparisons, so they’re sure to find out when you’re doing better than them in some way.
Oftentimes, you won’t even know that you’ve made them feel inferior, your first clue will be them putting you down. This is how they regain their position of power.
Their feelings of inferiority are especially noticeable after a breakup (or a discard initiated by them). The narcissist wants to know that you’re doing poorly, that you need them to feel complete.
When that doesn’t happen, they have two options for recourse: bringing you down or turning on their charm in hopes of driving you back into the relationship. Don’t fall for either of these – the narcissistic personality isn’t gone, they’ve just changed how they’re presenting it.
3. Walk Away from the Fight
A fight is never complete for someone with narcissistic personality disorder until they’ve achieved complete submission from their opponent. You can’t find common ground or agree to disagree; they need to win.
Walking away from a narcissist’s abuse (and staying away) is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. A narcissist won’t let you have the final word though, they will almost certainly try to pull you back into the relationship.
Going no contact after you walk away from a fight is the best way to leave the narcissist and their abusive behavior in the past.
Types of Narcissists and How They Differ
All narcissists need attention and praise, but how they manifest this need can differ widely. There are four main types of narcissistic personality disorder and each of them will respond differently to criticism and you standing up for yourself.
These are the people we typically think of as narcissists: high self-esteem extroverts that can be quite charming and often excel in leadership roles.
Of course they also lack empathy for others and lash out when anyone challenges them, but overall they’re capable of normal and having forming personal relationships, albeit rather shallow ones.
Trying to hurt a grandiose narcissist usually results in belittling behaviors that are designed to boost their ego.
Helpful, outgoing, and generally warm towards others, communal narcissists aren’t even on most people’s radar. While the typical narcissist is interested in money, power, and sexual conquest, the communal narcissist only wants to be seen as the most helpful person in a group.
Sounds great, right? Not exactly, the desire to be needed and seen as needed can result in toxic relationships that aren’t based on mutual trust and respect. Communal narcissists will play up their victimhood should you ever question them.
Not all narcissists are extroverts, some are incredibly insecure and are willing to show it. Vulnerable narcissists also project their negative feelings onto others and have a dim overall view of the world.
These individuals are hypersensitive to criticism and will lash out at you, even if you’re trying to help them.
These are easily the most dangerous types of narcissists. Their personality disorder doesn’t stem from deep-seated neuroses or a grandiose sense of self, they simply thrive on creating chaos.
In many ways, they’re more psychopath than narcissist. Never attempt to get revenge on these types of narcissists; it will blow up in your face, sometimes violently.
Things NOT to Do with Narcissists
You’re trying to do the right thing; rather than lashing out or plotting revenge, you want to work out a peaceful solution with the narcissist.
Unfortunately, they’re likely to use your words and actions against you, even when you’re being amicable.
1. Appeal to their Empathy
If you’re asking for understanding and compassion from a narcissist, you’re barking up the wrong tree. Narcissists have a very one-dimensional view of the world, and it’s one where they can do no wrong and the world is out to get them. It’s an unfortunate effect of having very low self-esteem and no ability to regulate it.
When speaking to a narcissist, try to see their point of view and how they might be feeling hurt (no matter how warped it is).
2. Explain Yourself
This will always be a no-win situation for you. First off, did you actually do something wrong? Narcissists have a tendency to gaslight and manipulate your perspective of a situation, and it’s never in your favor.
You’re always doing something wrong and the narcissist is blameless.
When you explain your feelings, you’re not helping the narcissist to see your point of view – they’re not capable of that. Your emotionality gives them power, they’re learning how to manipulate you in future situations.
3. Open Up to Them
Empathetic people often believe that if they offer vulnerability, it will be returned in kind. That’s seldom the case with narcissists, who suck up vulnerability like a sponge and then use it to inform their abusive behaviors.
Narcissists will never come forward with their own feelings, it’s too painful to show that side of themselves. Occasionally a narcissist will cry a few crocodile tears because it’s advantageous to them, but this isn’t true vulnerability. More often than not, it’s a way to extract narcissistic supply.
4. Make Them Feel Guilty
It’s simply not possible. Narcissists are so self-absorbed that they can’t see past their own feelings. They might say they feel sorry or ashamed for their actions, but only because they’ve learned that contrition is an effective method for getting what they want.
In most cases, shaming a narcissist causes the situation to get turned around on you. They’ll blame you for their actions or play up their victimhood and make you the aggressor.
Should You Actually Take Revenge on a Narcissist?
The tactics mentioned above feel tempting after you’ve experienced months or even years of psychological abuse. Just imagine how satisfying it would be to humiliate the narcissist in front of his friends or colleagues. The thought of it feels amazing, right?
That feeling will be very short-lived; narcissists always have more time and energy to spend on hurting you than you do on hurting them. Their life goal is to receive praise and admiration while crushing those that won’t give it to them.
If you make a point of causing narcissistic injury, you better believe the narcissist will come back at you with everything they’ve got.
It could start with a smear campaign, whispering rumors to friends, family, or colleagues. They’ll play the victim and make you out to be a villain in this toxic relationship. The narcissist is trying to regain control of the situation by breaking you down.
So what can you do? Just knuckle under and accept the abuse? Of course not, but instead of striving for the temporary joy of humiliating a narcissist, focus on the long term and how you can find peace.
That’s usually accomplished by excising the narcissist from your life completely.
Easier said than done – narcissists pursue their supply sources, sometimes with love bombing (positive reinforcement) and sometimes with smear campaigns (punishment).
In any case, the only way to win against a narcissist is to never play their game. Walk away and never look back at these toxic people.