Why Won’t The Narc Leave Us Alone?

Q: I also was married to a classic N for 28 years. I always knew there was something wrong but it wasn’t until I found these sites that I knew what it was. It was like someone telling my life’s story.

He left me. I had finally had enough and couldn’t put up with the silent treatment, the lies the abuse any longer. Then I found out he had been having an affair for at least 2 years. That was 2 years ago. I am still trying to finalise a settlement agreement. I made no contact with him from the day he walked out. That made him furious. To get through that I would write my replies to his accusing emails in a note pad. It got things out for me and maintained my No contact. (my DR had said to me not to have any contact with him). Then he turned on his children, who are both adults, who he apparently loves, but he abuses them with each and every email he sends to them. I wonder if this will ever stop. He has his new supply.

Why won’t he leave us alone. I still have trouble with self confidence and getting “myself” back. But now some days are good. Everything I have read here is him exactly. I wanted to thank you all as hearing others stories really does help put thing into perspective.

A: Congratulations on maintaining No Contact all these years. I like the idea of writing your responses to his emails in a private notepad instead of actually replying. He is still getting Supply from his children. Please give them information on NPD and No Contact. The abuse will continue for as long as they allow it by allowing contact with him. He WILL leave you alone -eventually- perhaps after the dust settles from the settlement agreement. He will leave the children alone-eventually- after they maintain No Contact.

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6 Responses to “Why Won’t The Narc Leave Us Alone?”

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  1. JPJ says:

    After printing out and studying Alexanders work on supply, it became clear as to why my father has not left my mother alone. He needs her for supply.
    Even though he has sucked her dry…….he runs around all over the place and she is stuck at home in a bed. His “caring” for her is now a form of “supply”
    He really dosen`t care if she lives or dies!!!!
    I told her 20 years ago to leave…..she did not,enjoying the perks that a Narcissit gives out. She did not see or understand the stirings that were attached to the lifestyle.
    If I had known about “supply” and “No Contact”, my warnings would have had more sustinance.
    My only hope now is that somehow she can find a retirement home that is far away from the monster who stole the life,blood and soul from my mother.
    So for everyone out there……..watch out for and learn all the telltale
    signs that you are being sucked in by a parasitie Narcissite.

    • John says:

      This is my Narc Father I am 46 and he is 76, I intend to take legal against him soon as I don’t want his negative energy at my house.

  2. sharon miller says:

    I’ve maintained no contact for five years from ex and he still bugged me. I tried having an attorney send him a letter, stating no contact, but he still sends me letters and phone calls every six months.
    I’m at the point of thinking it doesn’t matter what you do or how hard you try, they just don’t go away.
    We never had kids and he even remarried. At least, I no longer read the letters or even listen to the voicemails. I know anything out of his mouth is a lie, and I’ve heard it all before.

  3. LA Grace says:

    My family worked hard to not provide supply to my N dad and still have contact. We always painted a beautiful pic whenever he called our house and he would get angry and end the call.
    Last month we did what should have been done years ago. We disconnected the home landline. This prevents him from talking to my Mom ever again. He cannot hurt her anymore. Real peace has been restored in my home.
    Before we were always on pins and needles whenever the phone rang hoping it was not him. This was a HUGE supply for him to call and upset everyone with his questions/comments/rudeness.
    NO CONTACT is THE ONLY WAY to have REAL PEACE!!

  4. B. says:

    This is my dad all over. My mom dumped him almost 40 years ago, and yet every time he called me, he’d ask after her or, being truly obnoxious, he would ask for her phone number and address.

    Like, “Wouldn’t it be really FUNNY if I called your mom up right now?”

    No, Dad, no it wouldn’t.

    Or, “Wouldn’t your mother just SCREAM if I showed up at her door?”

    Yeah, she probably would. And then my stepdad would start shooting.

    He’d established that asking wouldn’t work, and that humorous scenarios featuring the information wouldn’t work, so then came the begging. And the threatening. All this time he was talking to me? He was just trying to get to my mom, because she was the one that got away.

    He’s been wanting to get to you, but because of your No Contact (and your restraint in keeping it, which I admire), he’s attacking the parts of you that he can reach. I’d guess he thinks of his kids as extensions of himself, therefore the kids are extensions of you, therefore it MUST hurt YOU if he’s hacking away at THEM, right?

    Yeah. Sometimes a narc thinks that everyone thinks the way he/she does. Unfortunately for everybody else.

    I’d see if your kids would be interested in the No-Contact themselves. After twenty years of his BS, I’ve been Dad-free for about four years. Compared to what the man did, insulting me, attacking me, using me to try to get to my Very Uninterested mother, diagnosing me with his mental illnesses when I wouldn’t comply, attempting to destroy my self-esteem, my marriage, my family relationships, steamrolling over every boundary I set up, threatening to call a “friend” of his who’s “ex-Secret Service” to “check up on” or maybe even, ha-ha, “KIDNAP” me if I continued to refuse contact?

    Yeah, I’d say No Contact was the right way for me to go.

    • John says:

      “threatening to call a “friend” of his who’s “ex-Secret Service” to “check up on” or maybe even, ha-ha, “KIDNAP” me if I continued to refuse contact? ”

      Oh my! He is a nutter!

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