At 10pm, you get in the bath and enjoy relaxing from the day. By 11pm, you are sipping the remnants of your camomile tea, and thinking about going to bed.
But as the clock strikes midnight and you are just settling into your crisp sheets, you hear the predictable, yet toxic sounds of the narcissist.
With their voice raised and the atmosphere so thick you could cut it with a knife, they pick that fight again.
Why do they do it so late at night? I have the disturbing answer right here.
#1 You’re tired…and confused
Here’s the thing. Midnight strikes and you are so tired, if not already sleeping.
You’ve had a stressful, long day, and all you want is to go to bed and drift away into the land of nod, and restore your body and mind.
Life is hard, and I totally get why sleep is as important now as it ever was.
At midnight, you’re going to be at your most tired you’ll be all day. If you were already starting to go to sleep, you’ll be confused as you’re awoken by the fight from the narcissist.
That’s just how they want you. This is a vulnerable state to be in, and it’s best for them to attack you verbally and watch you try to stutter and fumble your way through your side of the conflict.
The classic bully: picking on the weak when they least expect it.
#2 The important “next day”
What have you got planned for tomorrow? Is it a big meeting? Maybe you have an interview that you’ve been waiting practically forever for.
Or perhaps you have an important appointment that you have to attend, and you don’t want to be even remotely late for.
Whatever your plans are, the narcissist knows about them, and wants to take this sick opportunity to ruin and sabotage them.
You see, you don’t matter to them, and as much as they want you to fail, they want you to not directly blame them for anything.
That’s why reasons for keeping you awake will always fall on you more than them, and any argument will be down to you.
#3 Luring you into more falseness
There is a very unjust sense of unfairness when narcissists start acting up at these ungodly hours, and that’s mostly down to the fact that they’ve been planning this conflict all day.
I want you to take something vital from that:
If there was a real problem, it would have been addressed at a time where you could both have proper time and space to work through it.
Emotionally mature people do not wait until the moon is high up in the sky and the day is more than done before they start a fight, in fact, there’s not really a fight at all, more a conversing of two people sorting through their problems.
The falseness you’re lured into only works for them. They get the benefit of knowing what’s coming, and how the narrative of the fight is going to go.
You have no idea and that does nothing but play on an already vulnerable person’s mental health.
#4 Showing you they don’t care about your wellbeing
It’s hard to admit it when a narcissist pays so little attention to your wellbeing that they’d start a fight intentionally at midnight, isn’t it?
This is the kind of sign to watch out for though, as it’s a real test of their loyalty and honesty to you.
Here are some questions I want you to think about, and how you would answer them in relation to this:
- Would somebody who loves you treat you this way?
- Do you think love is based on controlling your feelings?
- Would a person in love enjoy watching you feel sadness and pain?
- Do you want to spend your life waiting to see if this person will change?
I want you to have answered no to all of those questions, and I hope in time you will realize that these answers are what can get you healed and moving on from narcissists who keep you up all night and on edge.
#5 There’s a lot to be said for boredom
I hate to say it, but sometimes narcissists wait all day to plan a fight simply because they’re bored.
I know, by the way.
What kind of person relieves boredom by making other people unhappy?
What kind of person finds insulting somebody they claim to love, or watching them cry a hobby?
Narcissists, that’s who.
The way the narcissist treats you like something that can entertain them in the most negative of ways for you is abuse, and I know you might not want to read that.
I never want to shy away from truths, even if they’re hard to swallow.
#6 Narcissists want trouble, and find it in the least obvious ways
When the last thing you expect is to be met with an angry narcissist at midnight, that’s where they have you firmly gripped.
You are expected to fight back, after all, that’s what every narcissist wants. Only you don’t have the energy, and that’s because it’s just so damn late.
But they still want that trouble, and finding you about to fall asleep is finding trouble in the least obvious way.
Do you think I would purposely do this at midnight?
I have a life, too!
Great, nothing but a little manipulative reverse psychology to throw you off scent.
#7 Letting your guard down at bedtime
When you go to bed, you are naturally letting your guard down. I mean think about it, your bed is the one place you are at your most vulnerable.
When your guard is down, that’s where you are least expecting conflict, and exactly why the narcissist plans all day to start a fight with you when you are in this relaxed frame of mind.
#8 The more shock you show, the better they feel
There you are, returning their vile attempt at breaking the peace with a shocked look upon your face.
You can’t help but not understand why they’re doing it, and you can feel the tears welling up in your eyes.
As the well up, the narcissist is loving every single second. It’s like watching an implosion in slow motion, and that’s what they came to the show for – they wrote the script after all!
The more shock you show in response to their toxic games, the better they feel.
I know those who suffer don’t mean to fall into the trap of the narcissist, but it’s so easily done when they’ve been so covert in how the fight comes about, and spending all day planning means they know what they’re going to do, minute by minute.
It’s time to think about separate rooms, or better yet, get rid of the narcissist altogether!
