Of all the weird lies to fall out of their mouth, you have to hand it to narcissists…
…They truly believe they’re loving people, and if you don’t fall into this strange, cuckoo belief, then it’s you who is the problem.
But wait a second, there must be a reason why narcissists think so incorrectly about themselves, and even when they’re hurting you, believe they’re the best people in the world.
There is, and I have the answer right here.
#1 The description of a narcissist
How about we have a little fun and between us try to describe a narcissist? Join in, in the comments!
I’ll go first:
- Narcissists are entitled, only believing that what they say, do or think is the right answer to everything.
- They get off on mocking and criticizing others because it fuels their fire for ruining lives.
- They believe they are far better than they actually are.
- They’re insecure people, filled with self-hatred and jealousy.
- To hide those things, they make you as miserable as they are, proving that they have no limits when it comes to abuse.
- They create conflict to distract from the reality that they’re an abuser.
- They isolate you, because they want you to be dependent on them.
I will leave the rest for you to tell me what you think, because I know that you are just as qualified as I am with your experience living with one!
Narcissists fit the above description so well, and over time, what you read about them never really changes.
It’s why I try to make it my mission to inform as many of you as I can the signs to look out for, so you can avoid them.
When it comes to hurting you, the narcissist will do that in every way. Even the kinds of ways you never thought of, they have lined up for you.
#2 The delusion
This is probably the biggest part of any narcissistic personality, and that’s down to the fact that they live in their own world where nobody else of importance remotely exists.
The narcissist’s delusion knows no bounds, and if they can convince themselves they’re this good person, even as they hurt those around them, then they can convince you, too.
The world they live in is truly one of their own. They go to bed at night thinking they’re the best thing since sliced bread, but this is nothing but lies.
They have worked so hard to convince themselves of this reality that acting that way just feels so natural to them.
It’s hideous, don’t you think?
#3 And they really won’t argue with you
Narcissists won’t argue with you, so you can come at them with whatever opinion you have and you will be wrong.
It’s almost as if they draw a proverbial line under any thought you might have.
You’re thinking, “How can they think they’re a nice person when I cried myself to sleep last night?”
You may even think, “What is with them? They tell me that I am useless and worthless, yet insist on being told they’re the kindest person in the world.”
This screams of the delusion I just mentioned, but it also shows that no matter what you see, they will never admit to being wrong.
Being wrong to them means to be imperfect in some way, and that is never allowed.
#4 Trying to be loving
A narcissist’s love isn’t normal. There. I said it. They try to learn through what they see in the world, and copy it to try to convince you that what they are feeling is that of love, but it won’t be.
Instead, it’s a version of affection that is fake, and underneath is a person who is just manipulating you and wanting to control how you feel about them.
Their aim is to get you to fall for them in a way that trauma bonds the both of you, so you never leave.
All the ways they love-bomb, from sending you flowers at work, to constantly messaging you, to telling you that you’re their soulmate forevermore, they really do think it’s a version of love that shouldn’t be understated.
#5 What’s reallygoing on
The ego of a narcissist is like a little hollow shell that they’ve decorated really well. It’s adorned with sparkle and shine, and it looks attractive to everybody else.
Including you.
The ego isn’t egotistical, but it does exude confidence and charm, and people can like that kind of thing.
When it comes to believing they’re loved, the narcissist will do what it takes to pretend that’s the case, but through that feeling of love comes the reality that time and time again, they let you down and hurt you.
And it’s confusing. Especially when you see them treat other people so nicely.
You want to believe them when they say they love you and care, but if you turn around happily as they stab you in the back, it can be really confusing to deal with.
Is this how love should feel?
Am I being used?
In short, no, it’s not how it should feel, and yes, you are being used to see how much you will tolerate until you finally crack.
#6 The hurt proves my point!
The realization that the pain you feel is down to the fact that they don’t love you, or show any authentic love towards you, is the key.
Point proven!
If you went over to see your grandma, and she invited you in and you had a coffee together, and you told her mean things about her house and appearance,
then kissed her and told her you lve her on the way out, I think your grandma might debate the words you choose.
It’s not really any different with any relationship dynamic that involves the narcissist. They can’t on one hand be sweet and light, then crash your world into a thousand pieces right after.
Oh, but I do love you!
No you don’t. You love the idea of loving me, but you don’t love me.
#7 Never believe something that hurts is love
The take home message you need to hear. And please, please listen to it.
Love is not hurt. Never believe that somebody who treats you abusively loves you.
They don’t. It’s impossible to pin any kind of love on the idea that you go to bed crying at night, wondering what mood they will be in the next day.
You shouldn’t be scared of a person who claims to love you, the two just don’t go hand in hand.
When it all starts to make sense, it will be a journey you will be able to come back out of and eventually see it for what it all really was:
A big fat lie.
Until then, there has to be some kind of sensibility within your mind that offers you the truth. And maybe you don’t want to hear it because you want the narcissist to love you.
But it’s better to know that what they deem as love, is really just another excuse to let you down.
