Why Narcissists Treat Others Better Than You

Oh, let me get that door for you.

Wow, a new job, that’s amazing.

Of course I can make time for you.

It’s my treat, honestly.

Okay. What’s going on here?

The narcissist is sweet to the point where it’s giving you a toothache, yet they treat you like garbage for breathing the wrong way.

Narcissists love to treat people way better than how they treat you. Essentially, they’ve got some planning to do.

Do you want in on those plans? Because I have a hard copy, right here…

Watch the Narcissist Closely…

Narcissists are lovely when other people are around. They love to pretend, and put on fake personas. They’re also masters at it. 

You will often see a narcissist go from Jeykll to Hyde in the space of mere seconds. I am often told all the stories of how the narcissist will close the car door after a nice evening out, and before the engine has even started, the smile has dropped.

People have told me that what they thought was a lovely night, is now the narcissist’s chance to take their mask off.

After all, pretending is hard work!

And you get to see the fallout from maintaining that effort of pretense all night. 

Keeping Up Appearances

Narcissists care deeply about their image.  The mask that just fell in the car is the reason everybody likes them. They wouldn’t hesitate to agree with you if they knew the real person. Sadly, that’ll never happen unless the narcissist slips up (something all people believe happens eventually). 

They need to be admired and respected, so in public, they’re the life and soul of the party. 

They will be kind, attentive, and engaging. 

This is all about keeping up appearances.

Nobody Can Suspect!

The narcissist’s worst fear is being exposed, so they have to treat everybody they meet well. They cannot allow the truth to fall out. 

See also  Should You Tell a Narcissist They are a Narcissist?

That’s kept for you.

If you ever try to expose their true behavior, nobody is going to believe you. 

But they’re so nice!

They’d never do that! 

That doesn’t sound like the person I know!

This disbelief protects the narcissist and guess what? 

It isolates you.

Isolation is a weapon, and a powerful one at that.

Making You Look Crazy

It’s all designed to make you look crazy. Remember how they, day by day, run you into the ground by denying your reality?

You’ll have your reality denied by many more if you were to speak your truth. That’s why the narcissist likes to keep everybody else on side.

They are always so emotional.

They’re just too sensitive.

The picture painted, is you being the problem. 

Reasons Why They Treat Others Better

You may not even realize half these reasons existed, but that’s how clever the narcissist is. 

They love to get to you, and they will do so by making you feel terrible about yourself. It may not be seen as abuse, but I want to make it nice and clear for you. 

#1 Image, Image, Image

Narcissists need to maintain a positive image at all times! They thrive on being admired and loved by all; for that to be possible, they must be nice!

Not just nice, but captivating! They have to bring their A Game to every event possible to remain that, “Wonderful person who is just so kind and thoughtful” to everybody else. 

Yikes.

If only they knew, right?

#2 As a Way of Manipulating

Treating other people poorly is never going to be genuine to the narcissist, and you have to always remember that. You’ll see them all over other people: complimenting them, showering them with praise, laughing at their jokes—you name it.

See also  Trust Their Actions, Not Their Words

As annoying as it is to witness, you have to always remember that it’s fake. 

It’s not real! 

It’s manipulation; instead of manipulating you, they’re manipulating other people. If you can look at it as plain old pathetic, it might help!

#3 Needing an Army of Allies

Calling all allies! The Narcissist is recruiting! Must be willing to listen to their stories, and believe every word that comes out of their mouth! Salary and benefits are zero. No references required!

Yeah, those flying monkeys are going to make you feel so frustrated. They will be by the narcissist’s side through thick and thin, which means you are ultimately going to be treated differently the second you decide to step out of line.

It’s how the narcissist keeps control and how they keep you around, even if you want to leave. 

To leave, you must tolerate the abuse that will entail. 

The more allies the narcissist has, the stronger their defense will be. At the end of the day, they want to have an army of people willing to defend them. 

Gotta keep them sweet somehow, right?

#4 To Keep Supply

Tell me I’m fantastic!

Tell me you love me!

Remind me how great I am!

Okay, it’s a little weird (and by a little, I mean a lot). Narcissists need this kind of supply though – daily. The more people they treat with sweet sickness, the more people are going to be there to give them what they need, when they need it. 

You’re just one source. The more sources they have, the better their chances are at getting all those gushing compliments.

Yuck.

#5 The Push and Pull of Reward vs. Punishment

The more they fall over other people with kindness and reward, the more they can take it from you. Narcissists neglect and punish, making you seem as though you’ve done something wrong when you haven’t. 

See also  How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

It’s done entirely to get you to want to crawl back into their good books. 

It doesn’t matter what happened, you need to make it up to them, so they can love you again.

No! They never loved you in the first place! You’re chasing somebody who doesn’t exist!

This is a common dynamic, and it only makes you feel even more miserable with each passing day. 

#6 Keeping the Illusion Alive

The illusion that the narcissist is perfect must always remain. They will do what it takes for their image to be upheld. 

If you could listen to a narcissist’s thoughts, they’d sound like:

I need always to be loved.

I must come across as perfect to everybody else.

I need everybody to love and admire me.

I need to stay number one. 

Treating others better reinforces these thoughts because people will respond positively to kindness and good treatment. 

#7 To Make You Jealous

Ever thought that a narcissist will treat you really well because they want to make you jealous? It totally throws people off-balance, and emotionally engages you with the moment in hand. 

Their antics will keep you on edge, and make you feel you’re being threatened somehow. Your jealousy does one thing, though.

It feeds their ego. 

#8 To Protect Themselves

If you were ever to speak out, let it be known that your words are going to fall on the deaf ears of those who think the narcissist is lovely. They treat people well so that when the time comes, your truth will be known as lies, and their lies the truth. 

What a twisted turning of the tables!

Related Articles