Why Narcissists Suddenly Switch Topics When You Ask a Simple Question

People who have nothing to hide are far more accepting of questions than those who do. 

If there’s a narcissist lurking in your life, they will always fall into the latter, and never comply when you really want to know something.

Your questions are weaponized against you in so many ways that you’ll regret ever having them.

In fact, the more you ask, the more they love to change the subject. 

Here’s why.

You just want to know…

Questions are worth asking, right? In an ideal world, we wouldn’t even be contemplating the confusion behind why you just can’t ask another person something seemingly simple. 

We don’t live in an ideal world, and narcissists are a big part of the reason why that is so. 

Asking them a question is like asking for trouble, and the kind of trouble you can land in is witnessing one of the biggest dodges in history. 

As much as I hate to admit it, narcissists are good at some things, and one of them is changing the subject. 

So while you want to know the answer to something that’s been bugging you, they refuse to engage by doing this. 

Asking shouldn’t be a problem, should it?

Under normal circumstances, no. If you’re dating somebody, this should especially not be a problem, but it is. 

As far as you’re concerned, you want to use this opportunity to reach out and connect. 

You want to communicate in a way that you may not have before, and times like these are always a great chance for honesty and transparency. 

These things become a threat to the narcissist, who never thrives when they have a chance to be honest. 

If they had to be honey, they would make a lot of enemies, and people would know who they really are. That is game over.

The question comes, and…

Watch their faces as they don’t know that to do with themselves. Your words are like bullets to them, and they do everything they can to avoid what you’re sending their way. 

Your questions make you out to be prying. You’re digging for something, and they immediately jump to their own defence. 

Narcissists are always ready to play games and hurt people, but they are seldom ready to be attacked. 

That’s exactly what your question will feel like to them. 

Ducking and diving

Think fast! The narcissist is doing all they can to change the subject. I have known narcissists in the past to:

• Drop a drink, a carton of milk, or something that involves a lot of clearing up when they feel accosted. The mess that occurs takes over the moment, and the question usually gets buried underneath the chaos of cleaning up. 

• Grab their keys and say they can’t talk right now as they’re heading out. 

• Pick up their phone and say they are getting a call or text that they just can’t ignore.

• Project whatever question is coming at them by saying, “That reminds me, why didn’t you …” and proceed to blame the person asking for  something unrelated. 

• Make excuses like being too stressed or feeling unwell to wriggle out of answering.

I kid you not, narcissists will try anything and everything so that they aren’t having to stand there and answer whatever you’re asking. 

What about the narcissist you know? How do they dodge, and what subject do they use to crawl out of tight situations they believe are suffocating them?

Why narcissists dodge

With narcissists, it is never just one reason why they dodge a question you have. 

One day, it might be that they want to avoid any blame, and the next, you might ask them something that awakens an insecure part of their mind. 

The fact is; they do dodge, and they do it often enough for me to have my own topic on it to share with you. 

That makes me sure that their dodging invokes a series of frustrating feelings within you, the victim. 

You ask something seemingly so innocent, yet they cannot even be bothered to grace you with a serious or justified reply.

So, why do they dodge?

#1 Avoid accountability

When a narcissist doesn’t want to put their name on the line, they answer your question. I can’t make it any clearer than that. 

If they feel cornered, or at a point where you are trying to get them to own up to something, you’re going to see them shut down and change the subject before they smile and admit they’re at fault.

Perfect image alert!

#2 Maintain their ego

Narcissists and egos go hand in hand, and when they feel answering your question will put their ego in the spotlight, they will shy away quicker than you can say ‘toxic.’ 

It’s all about preservation, people. They will tell you what they want you to know, but if it compromises any part of them, you can forget it!

#3 Avoid falling into a pit of lies

Narcissists are really good at lying, but if you catch them off guard, they may not have time to come up with the most convincing. 

That’s when you will notice them sidestep your question like they’re sidestepping dog doo on the street. 

It’s much easier for them to avoid altogether than stumble and stutter their way through a series of lies that they aren’t quick enough to devise. 

#4 Wanting to shift the focus

For once in their obnoxious lives, they don’t want the attention on them. Understandable, I think you’ll agree.

Think about it; narcissists hate your questions. They’ve got to answer something they know will make them look silly, unsure, to blame, or even vulnerable. 

The focus becomes on waiting for them to speak up, and they don’t know what to say.

Shifting the focus can be anything, but it’s done in a way that allows them to break away from what you’re doing, so they can get away with yet another day of wrecking havoc wherever they go. 

#5 To prevent shame 

Shame is not allowed in the narcissist’s world. They refuse to openly feel it (even though it’s an emotion they grapple with every day). 

They won’t be happy that a question you’ve asked ignites that part of them, so changing the subject feels like a safe way for them to dodge the uncomfortable feeling altogether. 

Over time, this will become a moment that you become used to, but for now, look out for it!

Your question isn’t the problem

Why should any question be a problem for a narcissist? The only problem is the person the question is directed at. 

The person who refuses to engage and answer in a way that may even be helpful for the relationship. 

Certainly, those who are emotionally regulated will have no problem answering even the most awkward question. 

But that is just something you will have to get used to if you’re around somebody so unwilling – so unable to be honest with both themselves, and with you. 

So keep asking, keep making them uncomfortable. Keep showing up for what’s right. 

Let them feel the discerning sensation they deserve to when you direct a question their way.