It makes me sick to my stomach when I see a narcissist act like such a hero all the while destroying everything around them.
You’d think they cared just a little bit, wouldn’t you? The truth is, they don’t care at all.
They only care about themselves, and those closest to them are not exempt from the pain they’re intent on causing.
Are you ready to find out why narcissists see themselves as so heroic, when in fact, they’re just destroying the lives of everybody else?
Let’s go.
#1 The narcissist’s ego: Enter the room!
Like we even need to announce that the narcissist’s ego is entering the room, I mean, come on.
It speaks for itself the second they grace us with their presence, and it does alter the atmosphere, offering a more uncomfortable setting.
As their ego enters the room, so does this unspeakable grip of, “I have to be the hero at all times, and at all costs.” Do you ever sense that with narcissists you know?
Oh, I know somebody who can fix your door handle for you.
I can help you with your garden, it’s not a problem.
I’d love to pop over and lend you my time.
I know everything there is to know about building a website.
It’s who I am.
It’s what I do.
You think, “Wow, how lucky am I to know somebody who is so able to be there for me.”
You feel like already you owe them big time, and they haven’t even done the thing yet.
Their ego carries these offers. They love to know that they are needed, and if you smile and thank them, they know they’ve got exactly what they want already.
#2 Why narcissists love to be the hero
There’s this thing about being a hero that never truly sits well with me, and it’s always about just how much they sell themselves in the midst of their offerings.
It’s never about helping you, and instead is about how good they look doing it.
They’re the hero. They have saved the day. They are able to be the cure for your problem, and they do it with such little effort.
You look up to them, knowing they are a great person to have around, and so genuine in wanting to make a difference in your life.
You fall for the charm, and clasp your hands together.
My hero!
What would I do without you?
Exactly. And there it is.
What would you do without them?
In truth, you’d be fine. You’d actually be better off without them.
But now you’ve told them you’re dependent on them, they have full control, and their ego is healthily boosted for the day, maybe even the week ahead.
Being the hero is never about making sure you are able to achieve what you want, or fix a problem for you. It was always, and will always, be about their reputation.
#3 How can a narcissist be a hero?
There are so many ways for a narcissist to be a hero.
- They can unblock your drain.
- They can lend you that money.
- They can help you set up that small business.
- They can invest time in helping you around the house.
- They can print off those documents you need.
- They can set up the perfect event for somebody you love.
Like anything, being a hero seemingly takes little to no effort for them, but they don’t forget anything they did for anybody, and trust me, they can be that hero while simultaneously destroying the lives of everyone around them.
#4 The pretence can only last so long
When a narcissist wants to be a hero, I want you to remember something that you might not usually think about.
The act of heroism can only last so long if the heroism itself comes from a place of falseness.
Because there is nothing remotely genuine about any characteristic of a narcissist, when they try to look like a hero, it will only work for long.
Soon enough, the mask will slip, and they will become bored. They won’t want to help if there is nothing in it for them.
They will fall down at the first hurdle, and people like you; those who are the real professionals of experiencing narcissistic abuse, will know first hand what this will look like.
Those the narcissist was a hero too will one day just realize the reality, and it will be a harsh one to face.
#5 Destroying everyone else: the classic tactics used
Narcissists will destroy anything if it means they can ultimately get away with it.
You’ll notice they tend to drop those kinds of bombs then walk away like nothing ever happened – that’s because they don’t want to be associated with the mess they cause.
Classic tactics can also include speaking ill of those they want to destroy, especially to people they know will spread that news like wildfire.
They will claim their innocence in the matter, stating that the person they spoke to got the wrong end of the stick.
They will try to also make it up to you but you know the damage has already been done.
This is how narcissists both ruin your reputation and get back into your good books, all in the space of a day.
Crazy, isn’t it?
#6 You’d never guess… unless you know
Victims don’t realize the depth of destruction the narcissists turn to until it’s too late.
Sadly, for many, they have to go through the muck in order to clean off properly.
Once you know, you know for life, and that can really give victims the upper hand.
It’s empowering to know that you can see what a narcissist is up to before they’ve even really had a chance to make a positive impression on the person they’re trying to suck up to.
Knowing will keep your head above the toxic water they try to pull you into, and will steer you in a much better direction.
Use what you go through to help you. All too often, victims suffer and forget that what they are experiencing is all a learning curve to help them heal eventually.
This could be you.
#7 Joining the dots: how life is never the same afterward
Life after narcissistic abuse always has the ability to never feel the same if you let it, but you can move on from it.
The dreadful things the narcissist put you through and made you feel, feel like they will never truly leave you, but they will. They do. They can.
When they try to act the hero, it can seem like they’re such a good person to everybody else around them, when in truth, they are dressed up ready to impress, without a care in the world who they’re hurting behind the scenes.
When you can join the dots, you will notice just how empowering your experiences were, and how they help shape you into becoming a stronger person at your own core.
This will do wonders for your mental health.
