Narcissists overreact? Somebody hold the front page news for this huge discovery!
Wait. Come on. We already knew this, didn’t we? We know they go to the ends of the earth to try to prove their dramatic point whenever they can.
And it all boils down to the simplest of questions asked by you. So what causes this derailment of the senses?
Why do Narcissists overreact when you ask one simple thing?
You’ve come to the right place for the answer!
Dare you speak…?
You’d think you’d be able to speak clearly and concisely, without fear of retribution.
Sadly, narcissists will only tolerate conversation if it is steered a certain way (and guess who usually does the steering!)
When a conversation leads to questions, it’s usually the narcissist who likes to do the asking.
They will poke and prod you as much as humanly possible until they get what they want out of you. Answers, admissions, emotions are all up for grabs.
But wait, you turn the table and there the narcissist is. Ready to pounce on you and overreact in only the way they’re capable of doing.
And trust me – it can get very interesting.
Seeing a narcissist overreact
I would like this part to watching a toddler throw their toys down the stairs. You’d excuse that to a certain extent.
They’re growing and learning, and joining the dots on their emotions. But grown adults?
Come on. We don’t need to see this display, but we have to admit that it exists within narcissism and narcissistic personalities.
When you watch them overreact, you’re witnessing them start to lose the narrative.
They’re desperate to claw it back and in the quickest time possible. When you throw them a question they don’t want to answer, the drama will be what the light shines on, rather than what they’re trying so hard to avoid.
Why are you late home?
You said you’d grab some on your drive home.
Why do you seem so snappy?
Why do you love telling stories you know you stretch the truth of?
Are you paying?
Ask them anything that might rile them, and you’ll see nothing but overreaction.
Here’s the interesting part:
Narcissists overreact because they love drama.
It’s not just that they feel strongly about something, it’s that they want to make a fuss.
They live for the fuss. The fuss is what keeps their blood pumping, and what keeps you on your toes.
The fuss is what allows people like you to circle them and try to make it better. Apologize. Take back what you asked. Blame yourself for being stupid and asking ‘dumb questions.’
The guilt: was it you?
Which, yes, immediately leads to guilt! It’s what they want! They line you up ready, knowing all the predictable steps that follow.
You ask an innocent, simple question. The narcissist becomes aghast. They respond and overreact.
You feel bad. They tell you that you should feel bad. You feel even worse. You say you’re sorry. You know never to ask that again because the hassle isn’t worth it.
It’s a toxic pattern, isn’t it? But toxic patterns are what the narcissist loves the most.
If they’re not flipping from hot to cold and back again within a day, every day, then they’re not fulfilling their role as the one with the power that you cannot control.
Any simple question you’ve got will be met with whatever they feel like dishing out. But make no mistake, it’s never good.
Questions, questions
When you‘re asked a question, how do you feel? If it’s simple and you can answer it no problem, I imagine it’s pretty standard.
The difference between you and a narcissist is that you don’t have a thick layer of fear attached to you at all times.
If a question makes you feel cornered or takes you by surprise, you’re happy to hold your hands up and say, “Hold on a second. I have absolutely no idea how to answer this because you caught me off guard.”
When a narcissist is confronted out of nowhere, they never see your questions as simple. They see them instead, as an attack.
Why are you ambushing me?
What’s with the third degree?
That defence will rise within them, and that’s because they have that fear. That fear bubbles away inwardly as questions they have for themselves.
What does this person know?
What are they trying to seek?
Why are they acting differently?
What have they figured out?
What information are they trying to squeeze out of me?
You’re the enemy. You have inside information and it’s only a matter of time before you reveal what’s going on. The narcissist feels like their game is up, so they hit overreact.
Emotionally stunted
Just goes to prove it, doesn’t it? You can try to reason with a narcissist and have a half decent conversation with them, but if they don’t like where the conversation is going, it will become about the drama.
People like you who just want to speak, be heard, and hear answers are then forced to retreat, knowing you may as well be talking to a brick wall.
You get nothing, and they know exactly what they’re doing to lead you back there.
I’d consider communication one of the top, non-negotiable aspects of any relationship, and I’m sure you’ll agree, right?
When you meet a narcissist, they seem like they fit the bill and tick that box.
They’re all about listening and letting you have your emotional space. As time goes on, that changes.
Suddenly, the simple questions you’re asking them become the main pain of their day.
They don’t want to be responsible for the truth that may follow in terms of their answer, so they prefer to throw their hands up.
In doing this, they reveal what it’s like to be so immature that the most basic of human practices cannot be fulfilled.
It’s impossible to ignore the overreaction of a narcissist. You’ll see:
- More lies
- Shouting
- Rage
- Drama
- Tears
- Possibly physical violence
- The shifting of blame
- Projection
- Insults
- Intimidation
- Bullying
These are common traits of the narcissists without you even questioning, let alone when you start to make your enquiries.
What’s worse is the constant attempts to reach out and speak, while being silenced yet again by their response.
And then they have the nerve to call you dramatic!
Not your problem!
Even though they make it your problem, and you take it on like it is. The fact is, their moods and reactions are not your problem at all.
All you’re doing is trying to keep a toxic relationship afloat as best you can. And it doesn’t work, because it can’t with narcissists.
My advice to you would be to maintain your boundaries, keep the questions coming even if they don’t like them because why should you drop what you want to ask?
And finally, use the mood of the narcissist and the way they overreact a sign that you just may not be in the right relationship.
The alternative – a happy, healthy life with somebody else – is possible.
