It’s Christmas morning!
Finally, the best day of the year is here and you are so excited. You get to eat good food, share laughter and make memories with the people you love.
What could be better?
If I can be honest, it’s not having a narcissist around. Their whiney, weedy way excels even their own usual levels as Christmas creeps in.
They’re sad, and lonely, and sick, and whatever else they can think of to make themselves the victim on this otherwise glorious day.
Why?
I’ve got the answers.
#1 The best morning of the year
What other morning would you practically gallop down the stairs before the sun has even thought about rising?
What other morning would you play Christmas carols full blast, while sipping on a glass of cooled champagne?
What other morning would there be the most delightful, fancy gifts nestled snugly under a beautifully decorated, fresh Norwegian spruce?
Exactly.
Christmas day morning truly is one of a kind, and I challenge anybody to feel even the slightest, most remote magic for any other morning of the year.
#2 Kids?
Having kids does change the entire dynamic of Christmas morning. There is nothing subtle about being awoken to the pitter patter of tiny feet across your bedroom floor, or the yelling of:
He’s been!
With one eye grudgingly open from getting to bed no less than three hours before you’ve been screamed awake, you fly down the stairs to be greeted with the sight that you pulled together.
You pulled it together on your own because your narcissistic partner didn’t want to lift a finger to help you make it special for your kids.
In fact, they just wanted to be left alone.
#3 …or no kids?
Just because you don’t have kids at Christmas, does not mean Christmas morning has to be boring. In fact, it can be fun in a whole lot of other ways!
That bubble bath with champagne and smoked salmon. The Christmas gift you got yourself that you can try out.
The slow, chic way to start the most festive day of the year doesn’t have to be culled or minimalized just because you don’t have young ones to share it with.
The narcissist will still play the victim card.
You’re having a bath?
What am I supposed to do?
You’re going to try out your fitbit on a walk? You know I hate walking.
I’ll just stay here then and wait for you to come home.
No honestly, you go, I’ll just sit alone on Christmas.
And suddenly…
#4 Attention: Christmas unlocked!
There it is! Christmas with a narcissist is unlocked!
The victim card will be played at every opportunity, as long as you yourself know the reasons behind it, the narcissist’s attention-seeking attempts should hopefully slip on by and not affect you.
It’s when people start listening to narcissists when they cry out for attention that’s the problem.
I know you hate walking. I’ll go some other time.
I won’t have a bath. Maybe we can do something together?
I don’t want you to be alone on Christmas.
Suddenly, you’re playing directly into their hands before the sun has even had a chance to fully rise in the winter sky.
Don’t do it. Don’t listen. Be you. Let the narcissist try to ruin the day, but fail miserably.
#5 Gift giving guilt and shame
I had no idea you were going to spend all that money on me.
All I got you was that diary.
Trust me to not get the memo.
I feel so bad.
How can you afford this? I didn’t think you made that much money.
You were looking forward to giving that gift all year, and the moment you do, the excitement is stolen from you by the narcissist’s successful attempt to push guilt onto you.
Somehow, they make themselves the victim, on Christmas morning of all days!
You want to defend yourself, but in doing so, you’re playing into their game.
You try to reassure them and tell them it’s okay, but that plays into their game even more.
So you end up just sitting there opposite each other, feeling like anything but festive. These are your life memories, too.
#6 “Sigh” – it’s just another day to me
Ah, this one is a classic response by the narcissist who just wants to downplay the whole day in the hope that it drags down your mood, or that you downplay it, too.
It’s just another day.
I don’t get all the fuss.
I don’t know why you bother, it’s just a roast dinner like every other week.
Why do you make all this effort? You aren’t even religious.
It’s the sighs for me, like they have better things to do than sit there Christmas morning and enjoy even a fraction of it.
You want to say, “What exactly is your problem? Why do you insist on ruining every single nice occasion?”
You know if you do, that that will be the kind of reaction the narcissist is looking for to start an argument, then blame you for it.
I say let them sit there and moan about the day, and refuse to let it even enter your aura slightly.
If anything, allow those kinds of comments to turn up the Christmas music a little bit more.
#7 “I am so far down on the pecking list”
Nothing says woe is me like this kind of comment. As the narcissist sees all the presents piled up for the family, they look and actually say out loud how unimportant they’ve been made to feel.
Just three presents for me this year?
I don’t recall being this far down the pecking list until the kids came along.
What is that even about? This is a grown person complaining that you are giving gifts to people you love, and making out as if somehow they are so hard done by.
If you want to laugh at them, you have my full permission.
Don’t let a narcissist tell you that you’re going overboard with anything. Do Christmas your way.
#8 Strange for being happy?
You are so strange at Christmas.
You get so weird this time of year.
No, it’s not strange, and it’s not weird.
It’s called being happy and living your life.
The narcissist should try it sometime instead of sitting there acting like they are so hard done by all the time.
#9 Don’t be painted!
If I could leave you with a snippet of advice, it would be this:
Please don’t let the narcissist paint you as the villain in a story where you are in fact, the victim. Don’t leave yourself wide open to the fact that they can play games with you. Refuse them. Refuse the narrative that you’re doing anything wrong when it is in fact, Christmas morning and you deserve all the love in the world.
If the narcissist cannot be happy just one morning a year, then perhaps it’s time to re-evaluate who you spend your time with. Harsh? Maybe. But you come first, and you always will.
