Why Narcissists Get Away With Everything

My God. If we all had a shiny coin of our own currency for every time we got frustrated at the narcissist dodging yet another proverbial bullet – we’d be soaking up the sun on Bora Bora.

They have absolutely no shame in what they avoid taking accountability for.

You want something, anything, to just derail that smug look upon their face – but what? And when? And how?

Narcissists get away with everything for very sneaky reasons.

Let me break it down for you.

Not Something You Want To Hear

Why would anybody want to hear that narcissists get away with everything? 

All the pain they put you through. All the ways they made your life hell and made you feel small and irrelevant – you want justice.

Quite right, too. Of course, you want to know that others agree with you – the narcissist is crazy. You regret all the time you wasted on them, hoping for a happy ending.

The narcissist treated you like trash, and somehow, they got away with coming across as the good guy.

It’s soul-depleting, and many would agree with you. 

So, hearing them get away with pretty much everything isn’t going to be something you enjoy hearing, and I get that.

You Want Them To Get Caught!

It kind of goes against your good nature, which is why it leaves you feeling a little confused. 

You want to wish them no harm, but you’re also brutally aware of the pain and suffering they caused you. All those burned bridges with people you once classed as friends were set alight by the narcissist. 

The hobbies you used to love. That dress you felt amazing in. The healthy eating habits you swore to keep, and indeed did for a long time. The sparkle that radiated from your eyes because you were once happy.

It’s all gone. 

They chipped away at all of it over the time you knew them, and all you have now is a hollow version of yourself.

You want the narcissist to get caught. You want somebody else, anybody else, to see them for who they are. You long for validation through the sloppy ways they carry on with their life. 

Many times, I’ve seen people wait for that perfect moment when, finally, the lights in other people’s minds come on. 

But it just doesn’t seem to happen.

The More You Scream, The Less You’re Heard

Imagine the sweetest little boy in a school playground, smiling and playing innocently. He’s having fun, and the sun is out. 

Suddenly, a little girl starts crying and runs to the nearest teacher.

“Miss! Tommy just tripped me over and told me I was stupid!”

Not five minutes before, Tommy told his teacher that he had eaten all his lunch and that she was his favorite teacher. 

The teacher looks at Tommy smiling, and she fails to see how somebody so thoughtful and full of light could do such a thing.

“Please stop telling tales. I  can see Tommy was nowhere near you. Go along and play nicely.”

The girl is upset, and Tommy gives her a sly smile as he skips off to play somewhere else. 

He really did do those things.

Nobody will believe her because Tommy works so hard to come across as perfect, even ensuring he compliments the teachers and says regular, kind things to them.

Now, imagine Tommy is a grown man. Instead of tripping you over and calling you stupid, he’s preventing you from working or seeing your friends.

He’s giving you the silent treatment because you cooked his chicken for too long. He’s acting like you don’t exist, while maintaining that he really does love you. 

To everybody else – he acts perfectly, even overly politely. 

His act is why you struggle to show people the real Tommy. 

And it’s why they get away with everything.

The more you scream, the less you’re heard. 

The Facade…

What a facade – and I mean every single narcissist.

They’re truly all the same, and there’s no escaping it. They will put on an entire act just to make it seem like they’re the person they want everybody to think they are.

I know it seems completely ridiculous – but it’s the only way they can manipulate people when things begin to go wrong.

Come on! You know I’d never do that! 

Or more worryingly:

Really? They don’t strike me as the kind of person who wouldn’t help. Just last week they helped me move some furniture – no questions asked.

And that’s the worry, isn’t it? The worry of their fakeness being misconstrued as real. And you get nowhere, no matter how much you try to convince people otherwise. 

You’re Exhausted: Giving Up

Giving up on hoping the narcissist finally gets caught in the act is inevitable. Rather than look at it as giving up, think of it more as biding your time for what is going to definitely happen.

It may not be as fast as you’d like, or as initially impactful. The key is to wait. As soon as one person sees the mask slip, it won’t be long before others do. 

They have gotten this far in getting away with everything because they are fabulous pretenders. They work hard to ensure their character presents well – and your words alone won’t be enough to reveal any cracks. 

An Easy Life Isn’t Always The Best Life

Letting the narcissist get away with everything might seem like the right way to have an easy life. You’ll certainly have more peace in your life if you just leave them to their own devices. 

On the surface.

Underneath it, you’ll be angry. You’ll feel sad and disappointed that your life is being wasted living under the control of somebody so toxic. 

You’ll still find yourself doing things wrong in their eyes because nothing you do will ever be good enough.

And the narcissist will get away with treating you that way for as long as you allow them.

It’s not my responsibility to tell you what to do, but the only way you are going to release yourself from seeing them get away with everything is by walking away.

It really can eat away at a person when they try so hard to be seen, heard and validated by people only to be ignored or dismissed. 

The narcissist knows what they’re doing. They won’t change. They will learn stronger and better ways to get to you and get away with everything they do.