The human body is a complex system, with every part of it created for a reason (except wisdom teeth – what is with those?)
Ears are built for us to hear. Music. Words. Sounds. Warnings. Good news. Bad news. Laughter.
We take those for granted, but we use our ears for what they were made for, all the same.
Narcissists have ears, too. But what they do with them remains to be seen (for the most part…)
What’s The Point?
You’d think so, wouldn’t you? What truly is the point of having ears if you’re not going to use them to listen.
I really appreciate people who use their ears properly. It means they’re willing to learn. Willing to reach out. Willing to be the voice of reason. Willing to want to understand.
It’s how we connect, but narcissists are never willing to connect.
If they were to listen, it would make the person talking feel special in some way, and I think refusing to do so only adds to the low self-worth of the victim.
Kind of starts to make sense a little bit, doesn’t it?
The Narcissist
They will be what they will be – and unfortunately as much as you can try – you will never be able to change the narcissist.
They won’t go from toxic to perfect, whether you beg them to or not.
So, those ears. What are they even for if not for listening? Why even bother having a pair at all?
Here’s why…
#1 They Hear… They Just Don’t Listen
If we’re going to get technical about it, yes, narcissists can hear. They have ears, and they are awakened to the sounds going on around them.
When you’re talking to them, and you’re saying something you feel is important to you, you want to feel as though they’re listening.
Perhaps they can offer a word of advice or support simply to know they care can be what matters.
After all, it’s what you do, right? You wouldn’t hesitate in lending an ear if required. Compassion is your middle name, and you value meaningful relationships.
But not narcissists.
They hear you, but they’re never going to give you the answers you want. If it’s reassurance you’re seeking, you’ll instead be mocked.
If you’re looking for understanding, you’ll be met with an uninterested nod and a blank face.
Or if you catch them on a really bad day – a scoff and a moan.
Sad, don’t you think?
#2 The Selectivity Of It All
Imagine you’re having a conversation with your best friend. You guys talk about the weather, and how cold or hot it’s been lately.
You talk about how nice it is to finally get a little time to catch up on the house. This needed painting, that needed fixing and you saw to it.
Blah, blah, right?
Suddenly, your friend tells you that she’s not happy in her relationship.
They say they think their partner is cheating on them, and begins to reel off potential evidence of that.
The narcissist is in the room, and was so far uninterested in your conversation…
…Until now.
Their ears prick up, and they turn a little to you both to see what information they can gather from you.
Like a magnet, they pull in certain words.
Insecure.
Cheating.
Hotel.
Receipts.
Ignorant.
Argument.
Separation.
It’s got a heck of a lot more intriguing to the narcissist right there.
This is proof that they do listen. They pick out the juicy bits of any conversation they can use at a later date, and they will not forget a single part of it.
#3 “Raise My Voice – Not Yours!”
Narcissists don’t really listen to what you have to say because they’re far too busy doing the talking.
They all love the sound of their own voice, and for the most part, they won’t let their victims get a word in.
It’s not normal for such an unbalanced conversation to take place so regularly, so if you’re always the one listening, and they’re making all the noise – ask yourself if you’re dealing with a narcissist.
Usually, if your gut is telling you something, it’s usually because it’s right.
I think the reason narcissists talk more than they listen is due to the fact they think they’ve always got something interesting to say.
They like to sound important and authoritative, even if they’re not.
I also believe narcissists talk a lot as a method of distraction. What’s going on while they are talking? It’s a little bit like trusting one to be the banker while you play Monopoly.
They say, “Oh, look over there!”, and while you do, they steal money from the bank without you looking.
If you notice this, you might want to check your environment for anything else that’s off.
#4 “I’m Always Right”
Shutting you down is how the narcissist will always get their own way. The louder you talk, the more they have to fight with you for themselves to be heard.
Theirs is a voice that dominates. What they say, goes. What they want, they get. What they speak, they want the world to hear.
Who needs ears when you have that kind of attitude?
That’s precisely why the narcissist will never use theirs to listen to you. Even when you try to cut in:
Well, yes…
But…
Well…
You see…
I think…
It’s not…
I want…
Can you…
I feel…
Wait a sec-…
You know from any experience with a narcissist that these phrases are futile.
You get to breathe slightly, and they will override that breath with a statement they deem to be correct and factual.
So whatever it is you have to say is only going to further waste their time.
#5 They Do Listen…. Sometimes
But you know what they do when they do listen?
They flip it.
I’ll give you an example.
You’re tired, and you’d made plans with the narcissist to go to dinner that evening. You want to, but you had such a long, emotional day at work that you’d love nothing more than to get cozy at home and have an early night.
So you convey this to the narcissist.
Oh, so I’m not good enough to go out with?
You don’t want to spend time with me?
This is why I never bother making plans!
So you’re saying you’re choosing feeling a little bit tired over enjoying an evening with me?
How many times have you said something along the lines of, “No, that’s not what I said…”
Yeah. I bet dozens.
That’s because they’re listening, and twisting your words to suit their own narrative.
