Last Updated on September 9, 2021 by Alexander Burgemeester
Why is she ignoring me if she likes me? I know, it’s frustrating, right? You’ve heard through the grapevine that the girl you like likes you too. Her friends have told you, your friends have told you, shoot, even her sister says she’s always talking about you!
So why isn’t she showing you any love? Why is it that when you’re in the same room as her, she literally acts as if you don’t exist? Or when you pluck up enough courage to ask her to talk, she ghosts you? What’s up with this? I can only assume that you really like the girl, or you wouldn’t be here.
This dilemma probably has you up all night overthinking the situation, trying to figure out what to do. Not to worry, when a woman ignores a man she likes, there’s always a reason why, in this article, you’re going to find out why, and exactly what you can do about it.
4 Reasons Why She is Ignoring You But Likes You (or doesn’t)
There is a reason why she’s ignoring you, and it has nothing to do with you. Here are some other signs you might recognize:
#1 She’s Protecting Herself
A lot of women have been hurt in the past, they were lied to, they were cheated on, they may have even experienced physical abuse. You might be the man of her dreams, the good guy she’s been waiting for.
But she’s simply not ready to let down her emotional guard, and the only way she can protect herself is by ignoring you.
#2 She’s Playing Hard to Get
Women play hard to get for two reasons, because she likes you and she wants you to chase her, or because she doesn’t like you, and she just enjoys the attention your giving her. Since you know she likes you, that’s what I’ll talk about.
Unfortunately, men have gained a terrible reputation for acting as if they’re into a female just to get in her knickers, and as soon as they get what they want, they’re off. So, to ensure you’re not a hit it and quit it kind of guy, girls will play hard to get to see what you’re willing to do to get with her.
#3 She Doesn’t Want to Lead
Ignoring a guy is a strange way of demonstrating submission, but in some cases, you’re being ignored because the girl wants you to wear the trousers and make the first move, and she’s giving you space to take the first steps.
Trust me, she’s paying attention to your every last move; but if she’s a traditional type of girl, she wants to be certain that you’re a traditional type of man. And if she’s got to ignore you to find out, that’s what she’ll do.
Reading Suggestion: 24 Signs She Doesn’t like you anymore
#4 She’s Emotionally Unavailable
According to relationship therapist, Elisabeth Mandel people who are emotionally unavailable are resistant to changing their emotional state, and they will go to great lengths to protect their emotional wellbeing. Most of the time, that involves shutting themselves off from the world.
Here are some signs that the girl you’re interested in is emotionally unavailable:
- She Avoids Deep Conversations: Family and relationship psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish states that a person who doesn’t want to scratch the surface about who they are, and what they stand for has no desire to have a serious relationship. People avoid deep conversations because they don’t want to get in touch with a side of themselves that they’re not comfortable with. And neither do they want anyone else to get to know them on a deeper level.
- Emotions Overwhelm Her: Emotionally unavailable people project the image that they’re self-sufficient and fiercely independent. They create this illusion so they are never left feeling vulnerable. It’s totally normal for people to want alone time in a relationship, but excessive amounts of alone time is a sign that they are not comfortable with being intimate. Her greatest fear is getting lost in another person, and she can prevent this by avoiding you.
- She’s a Perfectionist: Does she make you feel as if you’ve got to be perfect all the time? You feel as if you’ve got to be funny, sexy, and cool every minute of the day, or it’s a problem for her. Let’s say you meet her for lunch looking a bit scruffy, does she get really offended? So the next time you meet her for lunch, you go the extra mile to look good. Expecting perfection in other people is a sign of emotional unavailability. They are impossible to please because they’re always looking for something negative about others to justify their behavior. Ultimately, she’ll end up using your flaws against you, and you’ll never make it past first base.
- She’s Inconsistent: Is she really happy one minute, and terribly cold the next? Are her words and her body language contradictory? Is her inconsistent behavior leaving you feeling confused and uncomfortable? When you do get to spend a bit of time with her, do you feel as if you’ve got to walk on egg shells? That’s because she’s probably emotionally unavailable and acting like this is her way of repelling you. I mean, who wants to be around someone who’s unpredictable?
- She Won’t Compromise: She ignores you when she feels like it, but when she needs you for something, she expects you to bend over backwards for her. What she’s displaying is that she wants full control over your relationship, it’s her way or no way because she really doesn’t care about your feelings. By the way, this is also a sign of a narcissism, so you might want to pay close attention to this one if you’re thinking about pursuing her.
What to do When a Girl Ignores you?
Are you fed up of being ignored? Well here are a few tips to get her full attention.
#1 Have a Conversation
The hardest thing to do is going to be having a conversation with her. It’s the hardest because you’re probably going to be extremely nervous, and it can backfire in your face.
If she’s the type of girl who doesn’t respect good guys, you’re going to make a fool of yourself, because deep down she’ll be thinking about how easy you are to wrap around her finger.
At this point, she’ll either do one of two things, decide that she’s going to take advantage of you (and yes, girls do take advantage of guys they like if they let them). Or, she’ll apologize for ignoring you, and express her undying love for you. Hopefully, it’s the latter. Here are some tips to help you out with the conversation:
- Wait For the Right Time: As tempting as it is to want to confront her as soon as possible, don’t! You want to make sure the timing is right or you could mess things up for good. Don’t try and bring it up when she’s not in a good mood, and you’re aggravated because you think she’s ignoring you.
- Casual Conversation: You want to catch her when her guard is down, if you contact her and say something like, “I think we need to talk,” she might get defensive. But if you can manage to randomly drop it into a casual conversation, you’re more likely to get an honest response.
- Organize Your Conversation: Start by talking about what you’ve observed, move onto your feelings, your needs, and how you hope the situation can be resolved. For example you could say something like: Over the last couple of weeks you’ve cancelled our plans three times, if you miss my call you don’t call back, and you respond to my text messages two days later. I’m constantly thinking to myself, “Why is she ignoring my texts?” It makes me feel as if you’re not interested in me anymore. I need to know that you still want me to pursue you. Is there anything I can do to get things back on track, what do you need from me right now?”
Reading Suggestion: 9 Signs a Girl is jealous and likes you
- Active Listening: If she does choose to open up, then make sure you’re listening properly. Unfortunately, most of us are terrible listeners, we give answers before the other person has finished asking the question. We give our opinion when we were not asked, we finish off other people’s sentences, we make assumptions, and we’re thinking about what we’re going to have for dinner in the middle of the conversation! But active listening basically means you’re actually listening to what the other person is saying. You give them your full attention, make eye contact, and stay quiet until the speaker has finished talking. Once they’ve said what they need to say, repeat it so you know you heard them correctly, and they know you’re listening. If there was anything you didn’t understand, ask for clarification.
- Don’t Get Aggressive: There’s a chance that you’re not going to like what she has to say, and that’s perfectly okay, just don’t get aggressive. Don’t raise your voice, or try and assert your authority. If you don’t like the direction of the conversation, politely excuse yourself.
#2 Ignore Her
Yep! I said it, two can play that game! Up until this point, you’ve been the one calling, texting, checking in, and running up to her when you see her out in public. As you’ve experienced, she hasn’t given you the same attention, so now it’s time to get even.
By now, she’s used to you being all over her, put an immediate stop to it. Stop calling, stop texting, stop engaging; this is going to take some patience and restraint, but it works. She will soon start wondering why you’re not the one who shows interest anymore.
The tables will turn, and she’ll be the one having sleepless nights! It won’t be long before she calls you.
#3 Direct Your Attention Elsewhere
I am in no way suggesting that you pretend to like someone else because that can get messy. But when you are in a room together, speak to other girls, there’s no need to flirt, just have a conversation and make sure your love interest can see you. Since she likes you, she’ll want to know why you’re devoting your time and energy into someone else.
#4 Ramp it Up
Again, this could backfire, but it could also be exactly what she’s looking for. Whatever you’ve been doing so far, ten X it. If you text her once a day, text her three times a day. If you walk her halfway home, walk her all the way home.
If you buy her breakfast, buy her lunch and dinner. I know it sounds like a bit much, but as mentioned, it might be exactly what she’s looking for. If she feels you’re not paying her enough attention, she thinks that pulling away is going to get you to chase her.
If that’s the case, then great, but if not, she’ll find your behavior overbearing and you’ll push her away even further.
#5 Become Unavailable:
This isn’t the same as ignoring her, treat her in exactly the same way you always have, but restrict access. Let me tell you why, some girls will ignore you because they think they’ve got you eating out of the palm of their hand.
The minute you become unavailable, they step up their game. So for example, if you always agree to drive her to her mom’s house every Sunday afternoon, say you’ve got other plans and she’ll need to make her own way there.
If you always come running when she says she needs something fixing at her apartment, say you can’t make it this time. You will start to notice that the less available you are, the more available she is.
It’s hard to be in a situation where you know your love interest likes you, but she keeps ignoring you any time you try and get close to her. But don’t give up just yet, as you’ve read, she may have some issues she needs to work through, and if you really think she’s worth it, you might want to wait it out.
If you stick around, she might get to the point where she starts trusting that you’re not like all the other guys and starts opening up to you. However, it’s also important that you allow your instincts to guide you because what you don’t want is to keep making an effort when she’s probably never going to commit to you.
If that’s the case, cut your losses and keep it moving, because as the saying goes, “there’s plenty more fish in the sea.”
Reading Suggestion: Why is she flirting with you when she has a boyfriend?