Ghosting is a term most commonly used in the dating world and involves cutting off communication with someone without giving them an explanation.
Ghosting becomes especially annoying when the person returns. A few reasons why ghosters always come back include the grass wasn’t greener on the other side, they got cold feet, and they’re jealous of your happiness.
The ghoster returns with every excuse under the sun, but you mustn’t take them back because ghosting is childish and unacceptable, and there’s no guarantee they won’t do it again.
Here are eleven reasons why ghosters always come back and how to stop it.
11 Reasons Why Ghosters Always Come Back
If you’ve been asking yourself, why do people ghost and then come back? It’s because the grass wasn’t greener on the other side, they got cold feet, and they’re jealous of your happiness. Keep reading to find out why ghosters always come back.
#1 The Grass Wasn’t Greener On The Other Side
When a person is dating several people, there is a chance they’ll decide on the one they find most attractive.
It’s often an impulsive choice based on chemistry, and after the rose-tinted glasses have come off, they realize there wasn’t much to the person apart from their looks.
You may not have been who your date was most physically attracted to, but you bonded on a deeper level because they liked your personality.
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They ghosted you because they didn’t want to deal with the hassle of telling you they were dating more than one person and chose someone else. But now, they know that looks really weren’t that important after all, and they want to know if you will take them back.
#2 They Got Cold Feet
Some people will ghost you when they start developing feelings. They hate the fact they’re losing control and don’t want to be in a situation where they feel vulnerable.
This may be because they’ve been hurt before and fear the same thing happening again, or they’re emotionally detached and run from the thing that’s overwhelming them.
When they reached out to you, it’s because they’ve recognized their problem and don’t want to be that way anymore. Whether you take them back or not will depend on whether you’ve got the time and the energy to date an emotionally unavailable person.
Because although they want to change, it’s not going to happen overnight, and they may even need therapy to work through their issues.
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If you decide to keep it moving, you can avoid being ghosted by an emotionally unavailable person by paying attention to how they respond to emotions during your first couple of dates.
If they’re uncomfortable with emotions, you’ll need to kiss a few more frogs until you find your one and only.
#3 They’re Jealous Of Your Happiness
After spending a few days blowing up the ghosters phone and sending them text messages, you decided to get on with life. You’ve been dating, you went on vacation with your friends, and you have a night out on the town every other weekend.
The ghoster has been watching your movements on social media, and they’re not happy about it. They were expecting you to crumble when they left.
Now they see you as a challenge and decide to see if they can shoot their shot again. They’ll probably send you a generic text message asking how you are.
#4 They’re Playing Games
Immature people enjoy playing mind games with the opposite sex, and they’ll ghost you just to see how you’ll respond and if you’ll take them back when they return.
You shouldn’t entertain this type of person because they’ll waste your time and have you running around in circles.
Then, when they come sauntering back into your life, they’ll act as if they haven’t done anything wrong and try to work their charms on you. Don’t budge and firmly explain that you’re not interested in playing games.
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#5 They’re Struggling In Life
Most people don’t deal with their emotions well. When they’re going through a crisis, they are more likely to keep it to themselves. It is not uncommon for people to go into isolation.
Since you’ve just started dating, they don’t want to burden you with their problems, and so they go into hiding. They stop answering their phone and returning messages.
Once they’ve dealt with their situation, they return, but they’re honest about why they went AWOL. At this point, it’s up to you whether you decide to keep dating them.
You’re grateful for them explaining things to you, but ask yourself this question, do you want to date someone who disappears every time life throws them a curveball?
#6 They Broke Up With Their Partner
One way people handle their emotions after a breakup is to find another partner. It helps them cope with the trauma they’ve just experienced.
When they met you, they were on the rebound, and when they ghosted you, their ex-partner managed to convince them to come back. Unfortunately, they were too embarrassed to tell you the truth, so they vanished into thin air instead.
Their relationship with their significant other is turbulent; they keep breaking up and getting back together, which is why they’ve returned to you.
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In a situation like this, they’re not going to tell you the truth, they’ll come up with an excuse as to why they ghosted you, but you’ll feel it in your gut that it’s not genuine.
Therefore, politely decline the invitation to start dating again and let them know that you don’t have time for ghosters.
#7 They Think You’re An Easy Target
If you made the mistake of sleeping with them after the first couple of dates, they ghosted you because they got what they wanted and no longer feels the need to chase you.
They have now put you in the category of people they only call when they want sex. If they’re sleeping with several people and trying to have a serious relationship with another, you’ll be way down on their list.
But one day, they can’t get hold of any of their bedroom buddies, so they call you as a last resort and expect you to come running.
You’ll know it’s a booty call because they’ll call you late at night trying to sound sexy. Don’t bother answering the phone.
They’ll try and get in touch with you a few times and then give up. Once the door is shut, leave it shut.
#8 Their Friends Advised Them To Come Back
After speaking to their friends about the disappearing act they’ve pulled on you, they informed them that their behavior is unacceptable and they need to apologize.
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They also remind them that you were the best out of all the people they were dating, and it seems that they liked you the most. It may be that they got cold feet which is why they ghosted you.
If you like them and accept their apology, let them know that you’re not going to tolerate such behavior, and if they pull a stunt like that again, they shouldn’t bother coming back because you won’t take them back.
#9 They Feel Sorry For You
After hearing from mutual friends how upset you’ve been about his disappearance, they’ve thought long and hard about what they’ve done and feel bad about it.
They now realize they should have told you how they felt before disappearing. In this instance, the ghoster isn’t returning because they want to patch things up.
They got back in touch with you to apologize for their behavior, but they still intend on moving on. Listen to what they have to say, accept their apology and keep it moving.
#10 They Didn’t Realize What They Were Doing
Some people are so driven and focused on their goals that they cut people off accidentally. Their number one priority is turning their dreams into a reality and not having a relationship.
Although you went on a couple of dates, they weren’t planning on getting into anything serious. They do like you, but not enough to slow down and spend more time with you.
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When you call or text, they keep saying to themselves that they’ll get back to you shortly, but they never do because they’re so busy. When they do eventually call back, they apologize for taking so long, but since they never promised to take you on another date, they don’t think their absence was a problem.
If you’re looking for a relationship right now, this isn’t the type of person you can depend on, not because they’re a player, but because you’ll never be a priority until they’ve achieved their goals.
#11 They Realized How Hot You Were
Perhaps when you first met this person, you were dressed modestly, and there was no way to see your body.
They thought you were good-looking, but because they go for body type over face, they didn’t want to offend you and tell you to wear something more revealing, and neither did they want to waste their time sticking around to see if they could get a peak.
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But a few months after their disappearance, you posted a picture of you on the beach, and once they saw how hot your body was, they slid right into your DMs.
How Long Does it Take before ghosters come back?
Most ghosters return, but how long they take will depend on the type of ghoster they are.
According to relationship expert Mark Rosenfeld, there are three types of ghosters, short-term, mid-term, and long-term ghosters.
Here is some information on how long it takes for ghosters to come back.
How often do ghosters come back?
In most cases, the ghoster always comes back. One of the most common reasons for not coming back is being deceived by an online dating profile.
But how long it takes for them to return will depend on the type of ghoster they are.
What percentage of ghosters come back?
No research has been conducted to determine what percentage of ghosters return. But when reading around the subject, many people who say they’ve been ghosted mention that the ghoster returns.
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Do ghosters come back after months?
How long ghosters take to resurface depends on the type of ghoster they are. A short-term ghoster will disappear for a few days to a week.
The mid-term ghoster will take off for several weeks or months, and the long-term ghoster can take as long as six months to re-appear.
Do ghosters always come back?
Ghosters don’t always come back. It depends on the situation. But in most cases, they do.
How Should You React When Someone Who Ghosted You Comes Back?
First things first, don’t show any emotion about them coming back. If you are excited, it means you’re happy to hear from them.
If you’re angry, you have feelings for them because you were hurt when they disappeared.
Remain neutral so they can’t figure out what you’re thinking. Listen to what they have to say, tell them you’ll get back to them shortly, and during this time, think very carefully about what they said.
Let them know you’re moving on if you’re not buying it. If you decide to give them another chance, let them know that if they ghost you again, they can find someone else to date because it won’t be you!
What Are Common Excuses For Ghosting?
When a ghoster returns, they typically have an excuse that sounds something like, “It was unfair of me to ghost you, you didn’t deserve it,” “forgive me for not getting back to you,” or “I was having a rough time when I ghosted you.”
Regardless of the excuse given, ghosting is the ultimate form of disrespect. Here are five of the most common excuses for ghosting.
#1 It was unfair of me to ghost you. You didn’t deserve it.
It is not uncommon for the ghoster to acknowledge their wrongdoing but still not provide a satisfactory reason for ghosting you. They know exactly why they stopped contacting you, and you have the right to know.
By sending a text message like this, the person is leaving the ball in your court hoping you’ll decide to start talking to them again.
#2 Forgive me for not getting back to you
A person asking for forgiveness is letting you know they understand you’re probably not happy about being ghosted. But it’s also a cowardly way of not apologizing for what they’ve done. You can’t ask for forgiveness without explaining why you want forgiveness.
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#3 I was having a rough time when I ghosted you
Okay, great, but all you needed to do was send a text saying you’re having a rough time at the moment and you’ll be off the radar for a while. It’s not hard! They don’t need to go into detail, but at least they let you know what’s happening.
#4 I didn’t feel comfortable telling you I’d met someone else
Well, neither should they feel comfortable about ghosting you. They’ve obviously come to their senses and acknowledged that their behavior was unacceptable. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that they’re inability to confront the situation is immature.
#5 You’re nice, but I wasn’t ready for a relationship
Again, why couldn’t they just say this before ghosting you? Excuses of this nature should be discarded immediately. How do you know they’re not lying?
They may have decided they wanted to keep dating to see what else was out there but didn’t find what they were looking for, so now they’ve come back to you.
The bottom line is that a person who is willing to ghost you at the start of a relationship isn’t someone you want to have a long-term relationship with. They’re unreliable.
How Does The Ghoster Feel After Ghosting Someone?
People ghost for many reasons, and so it depends on the situation. The ghoster typically doesn’t care, feels embarrassed, or they’re relieved. Keep reading to find out how a ghoster feels after ghosting someone.
#1 They Don’t Care
Ghosting is common in the online dating world because some people use false advertising to get a date. For example, their pictures are heavily edited and filtered, so they don’t look like themselves.
Or they’ll put a picture up from ten years ago when they were a lot slimmer. So when they meet up for the first time, they’re not impressed with what they see.
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In cases like this, the ghoster doesn’t care because they feel they were deceived in the first place.
#2 They Feel Embarrassed
The ghoster may not feel embarrassed immediately because they truly felt as if they were doing the right thing.
But after speaking to some friends and realizing that it’s not normal behavior to ghost people, they might feel embarrassed about it.
#3 They’re Relieved
If the ghoster felt suffocated in the relationship or didn’t like the person that much to begin with, they may feel relieved after ghosting them. They didn’t need to explain themselves or deal with emotional outbursts. Once the person is out of their life, they can crack on as if they didn’t exist.
What Does Ghosting Say About A Person?
Ghosting isn’t a good look. It’s rude and disrespectful and says much more about the ghosters character than yours.
It shows they are cowardly, emotionally insensitive, and immature. Here are five things ghosting says about a person.
#1 They Are Cowardly
Telling someone that you want to call it quits is unpleasant, and a coward is someone who does not dare to engage in unpleasant situations, so they run from them. But cowards fail to realize that even though it doesn’t feel good, it’s better to confront the situation than ghost the person because at least they know where they stand.
#2 They Are Emotionally Insensitive
An emotionally insensitive person doesn’t think about how their actions affect others. They lack empathy and can’t put themselves in someone else’s shoes. The ghoster is selfish and doesn’t consider how the person feels about being left in the dark without an explanation.
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#3 They Are Immature
A mature person knows that the best way to deal with an uncomfortable situation is to have a conversation about it. They explain where they’re coming from and give the other person a chance to do the same.
Even if the the one receiving the bad news doesn’t like the outcome, at least the problem has been discussed, and everyone knows where they stand. On the other hand, the immature person avoids confrontation because they don’t have the mental capacity to deal with it.
#4 They’ve Got Abandonment Issues
Abandonment issues stem from childhood. If a parent left home when the child was young, they develop an unconscious fear of being abandoned.
As a result, whenever they feel they are getting close to someone, they sabotage the relationship because they are terrified of being abandoned. Most people with abandonment issues are unaware of it and will need therapy to overcome it.
#5 They’re Afraid Of Commitment
A fear of commitment is called ‘gamophobia,’ it’s when a person is afraid of being in a stable relationship or marriage.
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People with gamophobia typically had dysfunctional childhoods where they were either abandoned or their parents divorced when they were young.
Symptoms of the condition include the inability to have long-term intimate relationships, anxiety that a relationship would end prematurely, anxiety when in the presence of a happy couple, or sabotaging relationships and ending it abruptly.
Depending on the type of relationship you’re looking for, it’s advised that you never take a ghoster back.
If you’re looking for casual fun and have several people on rotation, then a ghoster can’t really do that much damage.
However, if you want a long-term, stable relationship, don’t entertain the ghoster upon their return, or you’ll find yourself in an emotionally dysfunctional situation.
Last Updated on August 31, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester