Why Do Narcissists Want to Stay Friends With You?

Hey, it’s me. I know we broke up, but I miss you. I miss just hanging out with you. I’d really love to stay friends, and maybe do something together soon.

When you break up with somebody, it’s usually because it’s for the best. While it may not immediately be what you want, it will be what’s needed. 

If they break up with you, well – why the heck should anybody be friends with them then?

Narcissists always want to try to be friends with their exes, and I have spent some time compiling the 9 reasons why.

Let’s jump in.

Engage… To A Point

Seeing the narcissist you are invariably unable to escape from in the street can sometimes mean there will be a quick exchange of politeness. 

Hi there. 

Hello.

I will advise you now that an equally fast getaway statement needs to be.

I must dash. I’m late for something. 

Leaving the scene means you are refusing to get drawn into a discussion that may lead to a request in meeting up, or catching up, or “I should call you sometime.”

No. Nobody needs to be calling anybody.

The narcissist has done all this damage, and now it’s time for you to take charge of your well being, and do the right thing:

Leave them behind.

Here’s all the reasons they want to stay friends with you. 

#1 Their Ego Matters

Of course it matters! You know that they have a huge sense of self-importance and they want to exert that as much as they can, with as many people as possible. 

You don’t need to be a part of that, nor is it any of your business anymore.

You broke up, right?

You used to be friends, and they’ve tried to worm their way back even?

It’s a no!

It has to be. 

Their ego wants you around because you have a history of making them feel good at a detriment to your own health. 

Absolutely not – not even up for debate. 

Let their ego self-combust. It’s nothing to do with you anymore – thankfully!

#2 You’re The Back-Up!

So, they’ve come running to you because they don’t have any other options?

Why is it they always try to fight their way to you when there’s nothing else going on for them?

You are the main character in your life story, and every time you go back to them, or answer their call, you’re making yourself an extra in the background of it. 

You’re nobody’s back up.

#3 “Validate Me!”

If you weren’t there to validate them, they’d have nobody.

Remember that you may be an ‘old friend’ or ‘ex’, but you once delivered a strong sense of supply to the narcissist. When they needed it the most, you provided it. 

This is a real change to what they have now, and that is the large, very obvious risk of losing you entirely.

That’s why they want to keep you on side, and a friend.

#4 Social Image: Positive

If you were to disappear or tell people that you no longer wanted to be in the narcissist’s life, how would that look on them?

It won’t be pretty, I can tell you. 

It’s in their interest to keep you close so that they don’t look like the ex you tried to get away from.

If you successfully keep your distance, people will pile on the pressure and want to know why.

What will the narcissist say then?

#5 Intimacy Benefits

So you gave them something good while you were together, and now you’re not, they still want those benefits.

Does life work that way?

The whole point of being friends is that you aren’t intimate with them. They’re buddies. You hang out, do things together, support each other, and that’s pretty much it. 

Intimacy benefits – if you’re going to dabble at all – should at least be with a person who doesn’t have a history of abusing you and making a mockery of your very identity. 

And if you think this will ever work, and that you will never develop or retain stronger feelings for them, you’re wrong.

It almost never works, and it will eventually become yet another power play of the narcissist.

Remember, they’re so keen to keep that control. It’s what they live for, and if they can offer you an ounce of affection ‘with no strings,’ then prepare for those strings to appear over time.

Your presence will be just as much in demand as it was when you were officially a couple. 

Don’t allow it. 

#6 Sabotaging Your Love Life

When you do meet somebody else, you’re going to want a totally fresh start.

It’s you and your new partner. The past is in the past. Lessons were learned, and this is it.

Except – how can it be if your narcissist is lurking behind you waiting to close in like some kind of unwanted Norovrius?

You do not want the hassle of having them try to spread rumors about you to your new partner, or attempting to become their new best friend. 

Avoid the friendship – and cut them out. 

#7 Your Supply Is Valuable

Everything you have given them over the time you were together has now gone for them. As much as they refused to value you as a person, they did value all the wins they got from you.

The tears as you wondered what you did wrong were wins. 

The times you asked if you’d done anything wrong when they purposely ignored you were wins. 

The job they made you give up so you could be the one who stays home and cooks was the win.

The friends you lost to them were wins.

That supply can’t just disappear – so they will cling to a potential friendship.

#8 “I Dread Being Alone”

They aren’t likely to spring that confession onto you, but you’ll feel it in all the ways they will not leave you alone.

They want you to think that they’re trying to do you a favor by sticking around, but really it’s all them.

The thought of not having you around worries them, so having you as a friend means they always have a way to your supply. 

#9 It’s Always All About Control

It isn’t just narcissistic partners who are abusive.

It is possible to be related to them, work with them, or even be friends with them. 

They’re everywhere, as much as I wish they weren’t. 

If there’s anything to still control, they will keep you around, or at least fight for you to be around in some way.

They know you well enough by now to know what they can and can’t get out of you, so control is vital to them.

What Eventually Happens To Narcissists?

How Does it End For Narcissists?

Narcissists are like a really painful, long book that you have to read to understand. They don’t come with an index or bullet points. If they did, half their toxicity would fall through the cracks.

Sadly, people like you or I must experience them fully before we know each trick.

If I can offer you one fragment of light at the end of this treacherous tunnel – it’s this:

What happens to narcissists is an ending that you’re going to want to hang on for.

Let’s get into it.

“Look At Them!”

It’s enough to make you sick, isn’t it?

They live their merry little lives, seemingly getting away with anything and everything, making you want to scream from the rooftops.

Yes – it’s unfair. 

You wish they would just crumble and fall down, so you could finally see them suffer as much as they made you suffer. 

You want what happens to them to be detrimental to everything they pretend to be. 

Does The Tide Ever Turn?

What do you think? I mean, I want to be able to tell you that they do indeed turn honestly.

I also know and appreciate how it really doesn’t feel that way at the time. Constantly waiting for them to taste their own medicine can feel like waiting for rain in a drought.

But I am here to say that, yes, eventually, that rain will come.

And it will feel amazing.

The Beauty of Karma

I don’t like to meddle with Karma. Instead, I trust that everything will work exactly how it should.

Sometimes we win, sometimes we lose. The circle of life appreciates both good and bad happenings, and I am certain that includes narcissists and how they treat others. 

Karma doesn’t need you stepping in and taking over, so if you ever try to gain justice from a situation involving a narcissist, you’re likely to lose. 

Rather than that – it’s nothing but a waiting game. 

But a game you’ll definitely not want to quit.

How Does It End For Them?

No narcissist has a really happy ending. 

Ultimately, they go home alone every day, even if they go home to somebody. 

Narcissists always want to be part of something, yet never feel part of anything. It’s all empty. It’s all meaningless. They don’t have layers to them or an ounce of appreciation for their family or friends. 

That alone should tell you how it ends for every narcissist. 

They’re nothing but lonely people craving some kind of something. 

That is something they never end up getting.

#1 The Slipping of the Mask

You may have to wait a while, but the mask of a narcissist will always, I repeat, always slip off.

I know you think it can’t happen soon enough, and many of you will be screaming for it to be today—but it doesn’t work that way.

In fact, the more you try to rush the mask’s slipping, the crazier you will look.

If you want to allow their true selves to unfold naturally, you’ll have to wait for the day.

#2 Inability to Keep Up With Their Lies

We all know that lying can lead to serious trouble. Not only do you have to remember this, but you may also have to build potential lies around it so they make sense. 

Narcissists are great at lying, but they can do it so frequently that they fail to recall them all.

When you see a narcissist caught in a lie trap, they will fluff and fumble their way out as best they can with the charm they were born with. 

I want to remind you, though – the lies do catch up with them eventually.

Lies catch up with everybody. 

#3 One Small Mistake

This is all it takes, believe me. One tiny little slip up to get people talking is all it takes. 

I once knew a narcissist professionally who never took any accountability for his mistakes.

He used to cover up all his mistakes, blaming others or deleting evidence that he was responsible. 

One day, he was caught in the act. He had no defense, and even though he got really angry and tried to blame somebody else, it was clear he was to blame. 

His mistake was leaving his work pass in the room where he shredded all the information he wanted to discard. 

It’s all it took for the dominos to all fall down, and for the past to come together like a jigsaw puzzle. People saw what he was like, and nobody trusted him again. 

#4 Time Will Tell

You’re all familiar with the saying, ‘Time will heal.’ It helps if you are going through hard times or have lost somebody close to you. 

Time also heals your own heart as it allows narcissists to be revealed for who they really are.

As much as it will cause chaos, it will be healing to be validated by the entire event. 

It’s how so many victims breathe a sigh of relief and say, “Thank goodness everybody can now see them for who they truly are.”

Time will give you that. You just have to wait for it. 

#5 They Won’t Hesitate To Move!

Narcissists are renowned for moving. 

To start again, if things get too heated where they live,

Looking for work in a new city or town for a ‘fresh start.’

Usually, when they run everybody else down or play them all in their games, they run out of people.

They run out of supply.

So what do they do?

They run away.

It won’t end there, though. Moving anywhere new only restarts the whole process.

Narcissists, for that reason, never really admit to having somewhere to call home.

#6 New Friends

Of course, moving anywhere means starting up a new friendship circle. People will mingle and meet with everybody, as all new people are considered to be fresh pawns in their game. 

Friends end up being enemies before long…

In The End

You can wait and wait, but eventually, the narcissist will get their comeuppance.

In one way or another, whether being found out, having their mask slip, or having to keep bouncing from town to city to stay relevant or liked.

Please allow that to be the justice you need, because it is.

Narcissists will always be miserable. They hate the idea of being stuck or figured out, so they must constantly work out their plan to keep their true selves a secret.

Isn’t that the end you want to hear about?

I know it is for me.