I told you this yesterday.
Didn’t we discuss this yesterday?
I find it difficult to keep telling you this…
Yes.
Things can get really repetitive with narcissists for several reasons.
If you find yourself pulling your hair out due to how much you have to constantly churn out the same phrases or requests – you aren’t alone.
And you do it based on the control they have over you.
Let’s look at why, then look at how you can pull back from having to repeat yourself.
It’s The Same Old Thing…
When it comes to you talking, you keep seeing the same responses.
And soon enough, you find yourself having to repeat what you said already.
Not Once. Not even twice. Sometimes several times. Even then, they still don’t listen.
But are narcissists deaf, or are they purposely causing you more frustration?
Well… Let’s see…
8 Reasons Why You Repeat Yourself to the Narcissist
Even though the narcissist will not admit they’re doing any of this to you – they will inevitably make you feel as frustrated as you can be in the process.
#1 They Don’t Listen
It comes as no surprise that in at 1 is the grandest reason of all:
The narcissist simply does not listen.
They get to you by half checking in on what you’re saying, and leaving the rest to their future self to check up on.
Narcissists are contemptuous of information. Whatever they don’t need to hear, they won’t absorb.
There are a few exceptions here, and I am sure each one will come as no surprise to you.
Number 1 – the narcissist will listen if you are telling them something they can use against you at a later date. That might be that you are going for drinks tomorrow night with your friends, and the narcissist doesn’t want you to go. They will plan an illness, or book something amazing that you can’t possibly turn down. Things like this happen, namely to keep control of you and what you do.
Number 2 – You’ll catch a narcissist listening if what you’re saying can be passed on as some kind of gossip. Narcissists love to gossip, and they will do so almost with pride. It’s rather sickening, actually.
#2 Impulse
Narcissists are fairly impulsive. They lack a lot of self-control, and tend to struggle to hold back in the moment. In fact, it’s actually not uncommon for narcissists to also carry traits of ADHD. Not all the time, but a lot of it. In which case, you will sometimes struggle to get them to even focus on you, because they’re ‘busy.’ being busy.
#3 Sheer Arrogance
Well, this one comes as absolutely no surprise.
The narcissist is arrogant.
Stop the press!
Have you ever had a narcissist raise an eyebrow at you as you talk to them?
What are you even saying?
Are you talking to me?
What makes you think I care what you have to say?
Hmm. If it’s important, and you get this kind of response – you’re going to end up having to repeat yourself.
#4 There’s Just No Relevance
They don’t care.
Talk all you want.
The narcissist zoned out ten minutes ago. They roll their eyes. They sigh. They drift off into outer space. You talk and talk, and it could be about something really quite important.
What does the narcissist do? Well, if it isn’t relevant to them, you can just about keep talking to yourself for all of eternity.
It’s not difficult to be seen by the narcissist as a person ‘less then.’
You aren’t as important.
Your news is boring.
They don’t have the time or capacity to listen to what you’re saying.
They’d rather be anywhere else than listen to you drone on and on.
So what does that mean for you?
It means you’re going to have to repeat yourself
And it’s tiring. Eventually, you’ll come to realize they don’t care.
#5 They’re Devaluing You!
They might be catching onto every word you say, listening out for those important key words that they can pass on as gossip, but there’s usually more going on.
Narcissists are known to purposely seem as though they’re ignoring you, with their sole aim being to make you feel unimportant.
They’re keen to devalue you, and want to prove that what you’re saying is just ridiculous or irrelevant. It’s one of the worst ways to prove you mean nothing to them, and what does it end up causing you?
It causes low self-esteem. Am I really that boring? Obviously what I have to say is never interesting enough. Why do I bother?
This is what the narcissist wants you to feel.
#6 The Workplace Politics
Narcissists who like to assert themselves will end up doing so the most either at home with their spouse, or in the workplace.
Not listening will give the narcissist room to do what they want, and mistake it for what they thought you asked of them.
When you correct them (big mistake), they will complain about how devalued they are, and how they try their best and are never met with gratitude.
Imagine the irony – when a narcissist tells you they feel undervalued.
#7 So They Can Mock You
Repeating yourself can have significant impacts on your mental health when it is accompanied by the narcissist mocking you.
You’re so forgetful!
You’re getting worse by the day!
Your brain is letting you down yet again!
I’m surprised you can remember your own name!
It will all come out when the narcissist witnesses you repeating yourself.
The thing is – it’s none of those things. You’re repeating yourself so much because of literally every other reason I mention, yet the one thing they will do with this is mock you for it.
Being mocked is just another way for the narcissist to make you feel small and undermined. They know that this tactic is making you feel as though you’re going crazy – and that’s the specific part they enjoy.
#8 To Infuriate You
Narcissists want you to be frustrated. They want to see you squirm and sigh, and feel like you’re spinning on a high cycle of misery at all times.
One way of getting you to feel that way is by initiating in ways that keep you repeating yourself regularly. If you can keep tripping over the same words, you will likely feel like you’re constantly getting nowhere fast.
Once you get to the point where you want to scream and shout, the narcissist will have you right where they want you. It’ll feel like you were walked there, and they will love every moment of knowing they got to you.
