When the narcissist comes into your life, they can cause just as much chaos as when they leave. And leaving, as much as it’s good to have them out of your life, can feel terrible.
Why?
Why would you miss them after all they did to you?
Well, of course, that is the million-dollar question that I happen to have the answer to (and I won’t charge you to read it!).
You don’t have to miss them, but you do have to understand where that panging comes from.
Believe me when I say – it will save your life.
The Time The Relationship Took Up
This is where most people fail to see one of the most obvious aspects of any narcissistic relationship ending.
The relationship took up so much of your time. It wasn’t just the duration of the relationship, it was literally how much of your day was sapped by the energy vampire known otherwise as the narcissist.
They did everything they could to make you feel as though you had to respond to them. Even when you weren’t together, you’d be getting frequent and consistent texts or calls. Those constant reminders that they were there and wanted your attention made you stop what you were doing.
All the time.
They Took Up All Your Day
Your days were no longer your days. They were blended and back to back attempts for the narcissist to reassert their dominance over you. If you didn’t respond in the allocated time they deemed suitable – you’d have much to answer for.
You were always saying sorry for something. You relied on their brief spurts of love-bombing to feel good. Even though comparing this with healthy relationships, these moments felt fake, too intense and so few and far between it was actually far less than you deserved.
The Roller Coaster
Wasn’t it just quite the ride?
Roller coasters are scary, enthralling, uncertain, fast, and you don’t know what the heck just happened half the time you’re on one.
What happens to people who ride one? They get addicted to the thrill.
It’s not intentional, of course. But what you can miss when a narcissistic relationship ends is that feeling of being completely at a loss as to what to do next.
That roller coaster surged your emotions. They awakened you. Your hormones became accustomed to dipping and peaking each and every day.
Your body literally had so much going on inside it – that now simply does not exist.
So actually, what you miss is actually your body’s way of saying, “What’s happened? Why am I no longer feeling all those amazing highs and disastrous lows? When is it all going to kick in again?”
If the narcissist is no longer in your life – that roller coaster ride has officially ended for good.
For you?
That means you’re going to severely sense a difference within.
Their Promises Haunt You…
Thinking back to all the times the narcissist made you promises is going to cut deep.
What you remember are words, backed by a severe lack of action or emotion to accompany said words.
Here is where it gets pretty serious, and I need you to pay attention.
Anybody can say anything to anybody.
We all have the ability to make or break somebody’s day, just with what comes out of our mouths. Now most of us don’t even think that literally. We ensure we don’t say hurtful things, and if we make a promise, we tend to keep it.
As narcissists aren’t built that way, they tend to just say whatever they think you want to hear to make you feel better. Loved. Wanted. Secure. Hopeful.
They plaster their promises all over your heart, but they are paper thin.
When you are no longer together, those promises can prove haunting. You still recall it to the day, and you may even go over old texts or voice notes.
You hear or read them tell you they love you and can’t wait to spend forever with you. They sounded so genuine, didn’t they?
And at the time, you had no reason at all to disbelieve them. Their love exuded in their tone of voice. How could it all turn out to be a lie? Why did they decide to leave?
Why does it make you miss them so much?
Because the future the narcissist carved out for you with their promises turned out to be nothing but roadmaps to nowhere.
When it Was Good…
And yes – there were amazing aspects to the narcissistic relationship you once had.
You had these moments that only made sense to the both of you. Secret jokes shared, and the feeling that the world only consisted of you and the narcissist. You were encapsulated by their energy, and their charm caught you in a web of false hope.
For a long time, it was just you and them. You recall the smiles across the room, the romantic flowers, the displays of passion that still send chills of awakening down your spine.
When the relationship was good, it was perfect.
Your brain is biased here, because it’s forgetting one important thing.
The bad severely outweighed the good.
I mean truly outweighed.
What you miss are fragments in time that didn’t even equate to the true sum of your relationship. You miss the feeling you had when things were good – but the person – the narcissist – was not good for you.
They aren’t good for anybody.
Missing That Hope
So what happens now?
The hope you had while the two of you were together diminishes as they walk away and leave you with what feels like nothing. You don’t have a clear plan, and what you applied all that hope and faith to has just disappeared before your eyes.
No other person is responsible for making you feel hopeful. You want the hope that somebody loves you and wants to be with you. The hope that you’re lovable and good enough to be with.
You cannot base your worth on what others want from you, or think of you.
Your worth must instead derive from how you treat yourself, and how you love who you are.
Who You Thought They Were
Yep – a big one to finish this off.
You miss the person you wanted them to be. The person in your mind who, if they just stopped giving you the silent treatment, and who could be attentive and kind – would be perfect.
You want the person you’ve created in your head to be true, and now they’ve gone entirely, there’s no chance of ever getting to know them.
The problem isn’t that your imagination is incredible at all. You know the qualities you’d like from a person, but the narcissist didn’t possess any of them.
Never never did, and they never will.
I know that’s a hard reality, but it’s one that you need to admit is real.
