You say something: the narcissist listens.
That’s what you’d like ideally, right? To be heard and interpreted correctly?
Well – it isn’t like that with the narcissist. Unfortunately, they will hear you and translate your words to what they think you mean.
You can certainly try to correct them, but it’d be totally pointless.
Narcissists will take your words and twist them. It’s frustrating. It’s annoying. It’s repetitive.
There are frightful reasons the narcissist will twist your words, though. If you have one in your life, you ought to be aware of them so you can always remain one step ahead.
So, let’s look at why narcissists will gladly twist your words.
What You Want From Somebody
It’s normal to want a nice, honest and open dialogue with somebody.
That feeling of you speaking your words, and somebody listening without any kind of motive.
It’s not possible with a narcissist, sadly.
They love to twist your words and get you all in a tizz. You can become confused, baffled, or plain old frustrated – all because they took what you said and totally changed it up.
Why Your Words Matter – Something to Remember
Your words matter because they are coming from you. To speak them in the first place, they have to matter, right?
Don’t ever let anybody make you feel less than important, just because they twist what y ou say and treat you with such disrespect.
Why Do They Do It?
I wish I could simplify it and say, “Because all narcissists are toxic and pathetic.”
You deserve the real truth.
#1 To Gaslight You
A narcissist knows how to gaslight. They were never taught it in school, but they learned through the school of life. This level of manipulation is usually learned through early years, so it’s usually accurate to look to their parents or caregivers as the cause.
Gaslighting to twist your words is meant to confuse you, and it always works (until you wise up to their game).
I’ll give you an example.
You come home from work late. You asked your narcissist partner to be in charge of cooking the dinner that night because you knew you’d not have the usual time to do it.
You get home, and the dinner isn’t cooked. In fact, they got a takeaway and ate without you. You feel a bit mad about this, because you specifically told them, and they specifically agreed to cook.
You say, “I thought you agreed to cooking the dinner for us tonight because I wasn’t getting home until late. You ate takeout without me.”
The narcissist says, “No. That’s not how our conversation went. You told me you were working late and that you’d grab a takeout for yourself on the way home. I just did the same for myself here.”
And here it goes:
“No. I didn’t say that at all.”
“Yes you did. I think I can remember what you said. You were putting your shoes on as you said it.”
“…Was I?”
“You were.”
“Wow. I must be going mad again. This job is so tiring.”
“It must be. Still, it’s almost the weekend and you can get some well earned rest.”
And just like that, you were convinced you said something that you didn’t.
And all because the narcissist purposely ate without you, and left you with nothing.
#2 To Shift Goalposts
“If you pass that course at work today, I’ll take you for lunch at that restaurant you love as a congratulations to you.”
“Oh that’s so nice! Wish me luck!”
Cue your return home that evening.
“I passed! I actually passed!”
“That’s good.”
“I can’t wait to get to go to lunch with you.”
“Huh?”
“You said we could go for lunch if I passed.”
“Hang on a minute. You’ve got 5 more courses to pass before you actually pass. Let’s get there first, shall we?”
“Oh. I thought you said this course today.”
“Why would I say that? It’s not even a big course.”
How to do so many things to somebody all at once.
Undermine them.
Dismiss their achievements.
Twist their words.
Appear so disinterested.
Unfortunately, the narcissist enjoys shifting goalposts and changing their expectations of you. They do this so you never quite reach what they’re really asking of you.
Always leaving you not good enough, and the narcissist in control.
#3 Word Salad – Watch Out!
You know you said this, and I feel that, and so then if we coil just agree that this is happening, because you remember the time, and then of course it wasn’t, and essentially what comes from that is…
Yadda, yadda, blah, blah!
Get to the point!
No, that’s right. A narcissist won’t ever get to the point. In fact, they can twist your words so much that by the end of their word salad, you won’t even care.
It’s not that you don’t care. You want to talk about it frankly. You’re just exhausted from their rambling. It means nothing, and you just haven’t got the energy to even contest it.
These word salads are intentional. They’re designed to make you not care. As soon as you don’t, they get away with it.
#4 To Project
Don’t tell me you said that, this is typical of you! You’re completely twisting what you said this morning. It really upsets me when you do this. I don’t know if I’m coming or going.
This is rarely a time where narcissists will show any anger. They want to project to you exactly what they do, so they look like their usual, perfect selves.
And you look terrible!
#5 Triangulation Game
If a narcissist wants to cause a little bit of trouble, you can bet they will turn to triangulation. The pain the narcissist deflects onto their victims this way is by twisting what you say to others, to make them think unfavorably of you.
I mean, really unfavorably.
Never, ever think the narcissist is going to talk about you kindly. If you say one thing, they will take it and play “Toxic Chinese Whispers” with people in an attempt to eventually separate.
Beware!
#6 “Boo-Hoo: I’m a Victim”
Not a day goes by where the narcissists don’t somehow put themselves into a nice pair of victim shoes.
They fit perfectly!
Narcissists love to be the victim, so they can be pandered to.
Oh, I feel so let down. I know you probably didn’t mean to, but you said you would, and I was really looking forward to it. I never get to see you.”
Oh, come on. There’s no way you said those things. But now, of course, the narcissist has you down as the bad guy to make them look innocent.
Same old, same old!
