Narcissists treat you like doo doo behind closed doors. As soon as nobody else is present, they will take off their mask like it was a work jacket, and proceed to be as mean as they can be.
You’re confused. What on earth is going on?
“Just five minutes ago we had friends over, and you were nice as pie.”
Yes, it’s common, believe me.
Narcissists treat everybody else better than you, and that’s never going to change, no matter what you say.
You want to know why?
The Narcissistic Game
It really is all a game to the narcissist. The way they treat you, how they treat others, what they say, how they act – it’s all a huge game.
None of it is meant to see you come out as the winner at the end of it.
Their games start with you.
You’re the first player, and you are pulled into it unknowingly through their compliments and charm.
They hide who they really are so you instigate playing this game with them, even though you’ve no idea of the rules.
What comes next, is the recruitment of everybody else. Soon, enough, once that attachment with you is formed, the narcissist will choose to look at all those who came after you as people to treat better.
Behind closed doors, you really are the person who gets the short end of the stick – but there are reasons for that.
Love Me, Please!
I Don’t Need You, I Need Them
Preparing For Later…
While the narcissist may be scared of a future with you, they’re always thinking about their own future.
What it looks like.
How it will be shaped.
Who they will need in those dire moments.
In their preparation, they want to make sure they come out of any potential chaos singing and winning.
Narcissists will not stand to lose.
Narcissists Treat Everybody Else Better: Here’s Why
When you’re being treated like an absolute fool by the narcissist, yet seeing them treat others so much better, there are reasons.
It’s not just coincidence.
Those reasons will test you, but knowing them will make everything so much clearer.
#1 Building an Army
Being treated worse than others around the narcissist leads a lot of people to step back and assess what’s really going on.
Sometimes, they can’t see much, but other times – they see it all.
Narcissists will build an army to defeat you. When you eventually learn the truth about them, or when you simply cross them – they will be ready.
The army of the narcissist is created over time, and covertly, using tactics such as compliments, favors, and giving time to people.
Those people will form an opinion of the narcissist. Usually this consists of what a nice person they are or how helpful they can be when you need them.
Those opinions grow stronger over time, the more frequently the narcissist uses their consistent helpful gameplan.
The narcissist embraces the love they receive from people. It reaffirms to them how wonderful they are. The bigger the army, the bigger the ego of the narcissist.
What does this mean for you?
Well, you get treated ‘less than.’ If you complain to anybody else about how you’re treated, what you’ll notice is those people naturally siding with that ‘nice’ and ‘helpful’ version they’ve come to know.
#2 Controlling You
A narcissist is never happy unless they are in control.
They may not be able to control every situation they’re in, but they will find the worst ways to gain control over you.
It will go past your thoughts, past your opinions, past what you wear or how you style your hair.
That control will claw its way into every single aspect of your life.
On the surface, you’d probably think, “What has control got to do with the way the narcissists treat others in comparison to me?”
Well, a lot, actually.
They control you by seeing how you respond. They want you to feel a certain way as they speak kindly and with friendliness to that neighbor, only to give you the silent treatment as soon as you both get in the car afterward.
They love watching your face fall as they tell you all morning what a mistake getting with you was, only to greet your family with loving, open arms for lunch.
It’s all done to make you respond emotionally to their actions. They see your emotions as confirmation that they are in charge – the only place they ever truly feel like home.
#3 To Make You Feel Small
The way a narcissist makes you feel small is by making you seem less important than everybody else.
If they could write a list of people who mattered to them, you would be at the bottom of that list. Then they would show you that list, and point to your name while laughing.
Narcissists want to make you feel like you aren’t somebody to them, but will still confuse you by actively being your spouse, or best friend.
Can you imagine how that must feel to people who just want to know where they stand in that person’s life?
You’ll never know, because it will change every single day.
#4 They’re Obsessed With Being Loved By All
Oh! You want to speak to me? Excellent!
Hi there! How are you? Yes, I have in fact done that huge charity hike since we last spoke, and oh wow yes, I have lost 20lbs, thank you for noticing!
Narcissists will parade themselves down the street, trying to capture the attention of anybody who will walk by, because they’re obsessed with first impressions.
They want people to treat them like a walking, talking fireworks display: Ooh! Aah! Wow!
It gives them so much joy to think how special they are to people, and guess what? You’re just one person.
You’re not enough for them.
If it came down to it, they’d sooner have the attention of 15 strangers in the street, than your true, honest, affectionate love.
#5 …And They Love An Audience
When a narcissist is at a party, or anywhere with a gathering of people, they will love to be the one telling the stories, or making the jokes.
They want to be the center of attention, and if you are the only one listening, it won’t be an audience for them.
You’re just one person, even though you should be considered an important person, and that will not be enough to give the narcissist the kind of supply they’re really looking for.
The next time you see the narcissist in your life in front of a group of people – observe them closely. They suck up the attention like they’re drinking out of a straw.
It’s because, according to the narcissist, people are better in quantity, not quality.
