Why Do Narcissists Seem Charming in the Beginning?

The charming aspect of narcissists sets a false foundation for any relationship in the beginning. 

A multitude of alluring advances attract the attention of their unknowing victims. It’s not unusual to fall head over heels and snowball quickly down a mountain of perfection.

Narcissists do whatever they need to do so that their tide of fakery sweeps you up. Being hypnotized by their character is how many people end up a little way down the road wondering how they got there.

As charming as narcissists in the beginning, there are several really telling reasons why they act so.

Spoiler alert…

None of them are for your benefit.

Too Good to Be True!

Narcissists fit into this category one hundred percent. 

They want to appear larger than life to you. Having all the answers to your problems is how they go about sweeping you off your feet.

If you’ve had a rough past in love, the narcissist will promise to make it all better and never give you a reason to worry.

When they acknowledge your kindness and attention toward them upon first meeting, both will be used against you over time. All that time you thought they were being genuine, like a gold plated necklace, the color will wash off and reveal the truth behind it. 

If it Feels it… It Is

If something seems too good to be true, it usually is. Getting swept up in so much romance that is just so sudden and intense is often a warning sign to people that this cannot last. 

No relationship can sustain such levels of charm from the very first minute all the way through – and the red flag will be waving to remind you of that. 

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The Mask: Watch it Slip

Because of the unsustainability of constant narcissistic charm, the mask they wear when they’re blindsiding you will eventually slip.

Meeting them initially, you’ll notice the smiles and the way they so easily whisk you off your feet. The face you see isn’t be the same before long, and as that mask slips, you’ll get that reality check.

The narcissist will go from putting you first and telling the world how you’ve changed their life, to showing you the real person who invented that character…

…and making your life hell.

Why So Charming?

Well, there are very interesting reasons why narcissists want to charm you in the beginning. It’s not because they’ve fallen head-over-heels in love with you (even though that’s what they will tell you).

The charm is certainly not there to serve you…

The Narcissist Wants You To Never Leave

You’d think this would mean they love you so much that they can’t picture their life without you.


Narcissists don’t want you to leave them because they all suffer with fear of abandonment. To be left would be to highlight why they secretly hate themselves. 

They’re unlovable.

They aren’t worth fighting for.

They aren’t nice people.

You prefer to be with somebody else. 

If you leave – they will not lose you, they will lose the supply you bring to the relationship. They don’t want you to be more successful after you part. They know you’ll be happier, yet they only want you to see this relationship as the happiest you could be.

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They impose limitations on you that you, over time, truly believe. 

Keen To Impress!

Because of reason 1, reason 2 must exist!

Desperate to keep you and almost trap you, the narcissist is going to do everything in their power to keep you.

It’s not beyond them to show off, and prove that they have everything you could possibly desire. 

When you first meet them, you’re a stranger to them and like all strangers, the need to impress trumps absolutely everything else. 

If you can love who they claim to be, you will forgive them for who they really are.

Time and time again. 

Fakes Riches – Look at Meee!

So many people ask me why narcissists are obsessed with money and material goods, and when I tell them, it’s like a light switches on in their minds. 

Narcissists don’t have emotions like you or me. They don’t care that they cannot feel love and affection genuinely for others. To compensate for that, they use money and goods to show they care.

Narcissists will throw money at everything and then wait for the “Oohs” and “Aahs” of those watching. They see money as a form of status that any amount of love or compassion cannot match. 

The way a narcissist attracts attention to themselves, and to be seen as charming, is to initiate a lavish lifestyle…

…Keen to impress … Keen to charm. 

They Want Everyone to Not Suspect

Narcissists use charm as a smokescreen. If you see and feel that magnetic force of charm coming through in the beginning, it’s not just for your benefit that they’re doing it.

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A narcissist will sweep you off your feet, and to not allow others to suspect, they will branch out their charm further afield. 

This can look like: 

  • Buying lavish gifts for your parents when they first meet. This can continue into being overly complimentary, helping out with any DIY they need, offering to take them to lunch – whatever it takes. 

If they can be seen as someone perfect, you’ll have a tough time convincing anybody otherwise later. 

  • Encouraging you to spend time with your friends, maybe even paying for drinks in advance when they know you’re out with them. 

“Aren’t they so lovely to you? How thoughtful! They’re everything anybody could want, and more!” Again, this is a huge indication that you won’t be believed when the energy shifts. 

“I’m The Answer to All Your Problems”

If you think you had problems then, all the narcissist is going to do is add to them!

Oh, I’m so glad I met you, you’re everything my ex wasn’t.

Oh… Well…. You’re in for a shock and a half when that charm slips. 

Manipulating you into believing they are the answer to all your problems? This will leave you far more likely to never see them as the cause of any in the future!

The narcissist knows what they’re doing the second they meet you. The charm is already a plan they will start to act when they first see you. 

You, your friends, your family; even work colleagues will all think you’ve struck gold when in fact, you’ll discover some day you found a lump of coal instead.

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