Why do Narcissists Ruin Birthdays and Holidays?

Ever wondered why your special occasions turn into chaos when a narcissist is involved? 

Dive into the startling truth behind why narcissists ruin birthdays and holidays. 

In this eye-opening article, we unveil the twisted motivations driving narcissists to sabotage celebrations meant to be joyous. 

From stealing the spotlight with drama to deploying manipulation tactics, discover how they turn your happiest moments into their personal battlegrounds. 

Unmask the selfish intentions and power plays that leave you dreading the festivities. 

Get ready to understand the narcissist’s playbook and learn how to reclaim your special days from their destructive grip!

Narcissists and Attention

You’re not going to believe the irony of this first section, but it’s really crucial to get you on the same page as me before we proceed any further:

Narcissists love to ruin birthdays and holidays –even their own birthday

It’s ridiculous to think about, isn’t it? How can a narcissist go to such lengths to ruin what comes around every single year? They see each celebration coming from a long distance and do all in their power to put a dent in it all. 

What you have to understand about narcissists is that they operate in a, “If I’m not getting the attention, nothing else should be either,” way. 

New babies.

People who are unwell.

A friend getting tickets to a popular concert.

A neighbor getting that brand new car.

Holidays and birthdays. 

None of the above is about them – so why would they be happy about it?

Narcissists need constant attention – but more about that later…

Party Poopers: Narcissists and the Art of Celebration Sabotage

So what happens on the big day? 

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First, I think it’s really important to address the run up to any birthday or holiday, because this is where the toxicity really starts to ramp up.

The more excited you get, the more you plan and buy in, the more problems the narcissist will create. 

Any days before something positive should be viewed as fun ‘countdowns,’ right? I know we all do it. We count the days to Christmas, or that Bank holiday weekend. We cross the days off on the calendar ready for vacation, or we count the days to our birthday.

Narcissists at that point will come along like a bolder in the otherwise clear road, and cause tension.

They will find fault in whatever you say or do, for no reason. They will give  you the silent treatment on a more regular basis. They will not stop in their quest to make what should be enjoyable – totally miserable. 

Narcissists Turn Festivities into Fiascos

One of the saddest aspects of narcissistic abuse of any kind is the amount of times I am told:

I stopped learning to love anything good because I knew it would somehow be ruined. 

It’s the heartbreaking truth though, isn’t it? It’s how people stop looking ahead with hope, and instead dread or fret over what should be happy times. The narcissist is to blame for it all. They throw their poison at milestone days so that those days are never remembered with fond memories. 

More than that though, there is always an underlying theme of anxiety and conflict that crawls out on any birthday or holiday. People argue because they can’t understand what happened.

The table is laid out, and there are presents-a-plenty. The wine is chilling and the decorations are up.

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Cognitive dissonance at its finest, I think you’ll agree. What you see should set off all the warm, wonderful feelings inside you, but they just aren’t there.

The Grinch Factor

Beyond the idea that the narcissist is unhappy until everybody else is unhappy too, lies the truth that they work hard to destroy all that is supposed to be happy and good.

This is what I call, The Grinch Factor.

They stare down at all the lights and smiles, the coming together of people and the excited buzz, and they ruin it. Even from as far away as the hill they grumpily sit on – they still manage it. 

The Dark Side of Celebrations: Why Narcissists Ruin Birthday and Holidays

#1 They don’t like attention going elsewhere

We all knew this one anyway, didn’t we? Narcissists don’t like attention going anywhere else least of all on somebody just because it’s their birthday.

#2 They don’t know how to celebrate anything

The saddest part of the entire subject – narcissists really don’t know how to celebrate anything. It means being happy, being vulnerable (opening presents or singing Happy Birthday), and generally letting themselves go. 

They can’t do it. They’re supposed to be the ones who are cool and collected. All the fluff of holidays and birthdays are so beneath them.

In truth, it’s not beneath them – they just don’t know how to be authentically happy. 

#3 They’re obsessed with work and money

I can’t believe we are going on holiday. 

This means I lose out on two weeks worth of money being self-employed. I don’t work, bills don’t get paid. I can’t let my customers down. 

I don’t want to go. 

I am too busy at work to entertain this stupid holiday. 

You can’t take time off just because it’s (insert holiday here).

You could write a hundred more reasons why they use work and money as excuses to ruin birthdays and holidays. 

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It’s a way of inciting guilt within you, and will only work if you allow it.


#4 Understanding The Hostility

Narcissists come from sad places, and they aren’t used to knowing and experiencing true happiness. 

It’s with remembering the next time you see them act up. They genuinely don’t know how to be authentically happy. 

It’s not a time to pity them, it’s rather a time to understand why they can be so hostile. Narcissists aren’t inclined to see the good in anything everybody else does. It means they must let their guard down and enjoy life, which they see as too vulnerable.

 You don’t have to cave into the negativity. Just carry on being you.

#5 Don’t Take it Personally: Avoiding The Birthday Blues

It’s easy for me to say, but what the narcissist wants is for you to dread these occasions. Whether they are for you, or for somebody else, you ought not to sit and suffer in them. 

If you do, you’re giving them exactly what they want.

Your negativity will act as essential fuel to them. 

It’s time to see how they treat birthdays and holidays as nothing more than their sad selves getting lost in a positivity they can’t handle. 

Leave them to it, and carry on celebrating like the rest of us!

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