You’re waiting, wishing and hoping, aren’t you? Why does all that energy pertain to nothing? Why are you keeping yourself from seeing the truth by assuming you’ll get what will never come?
Because you’re waiting for an apology from a narcissist.
They’re never going to give you what you want. The closure that comes from hearing those words you hope will erase the injustice – but you’re not going to hear them.
Why not?
Well, I’m glad you asked!
“You Hurt Me…”
I feel like you need to know that you really hurt my feelings.
What you did wasn’t nice, and I don’t want to have to feel this way again.
You’re making me feel like I just want to cry right now.
You tell the narcissist how you’re feeling, in the hope that they listen, respond accordingly, and give you a little bit of an opportunity to make things okay again.
The same way you would be mortified if you knew you’d done something to hurt the narcissist.
It’s understandable to want to get your point across, and I get why you feel the need to say what’s on your mind.
Asking for an apology from somebody so toxic though, is, well, at the very least, a waste of your time.
Nothing: The *Blank Stare*
You’ll get the look from the narcissist.
Just for a moment, before any other reaction that follows, they will look at you with that blank stare, as they try to figure out the best way to answer back.
The blank stare.
The ‘nothing’ look.
They want you to see, just for a moment, that you have some kind of audacity for even thinking you’ll get your sorry.
It’s hard when you know they owe you one.
Why You’ll Never Get an Apology: The Narcissist’s Toxic Refusal
The refusal to say those two small words creates real division in relationships. Soon enough, the person who is owed the apology doesn’t feel worthy enough of getting one.
But, let’s get into why the narcissist won’t apologize.
#1 Admitting They’re Wrong
If a narcissist were to turn around and admit they were wrong, I promise, I would be shocked to my core.
The reason narcissists won’t admit they’re wrong is because in their eyes, they’re never wrong.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we lived in a world where they held their hands up and told us all:
It was me! I am terrible! I am the one responsible. I am so sorry!
My goodness. I think the world would be a far better palace, but as it stands, it’s not going to happen.
Narcissists don’t see them as being the problem ever, but they will cause so much destruction and drama around them at the same time.
Make it make sense, I hear you call!
Believe me, I wish I could. It’s just something everybody needs to understand.
#2 Handing the Control Over
Admitting they’re sorry would be like handing the power over to you. They did something, you didn’t like it, you called them out, they say they’re sorry.
This tells the narcissist that you’re in control of what goes on. You turn the cogs in the machine of dynamics. You pull the strings.
It’s not them any more – and they lost their minds over that.
So what do they do instead?
Well… You’ll notice the narcissist refusing to apologize. They will withhold that ‘sorry’ all because they want to retain a little respect and dominance. They want to assert themselves as the one in charge.
Quite frankly, if you’re looking for that apology – you’re not going to get it.
After all, who do you think you are?
#3 Preferring to See You Squirm
What’s better than saying you’re sorry, for the person to accept it and move on nicely?
Refusing to say sorry and watching you squirm as you wait for them to do the right thing.
Not what you think is the right thing, but genuinely… the right thing.
They won’t, because they prefer seeing you be uncomfortable.
Ask yourself what kind of person enjoys this?
As much as you love and care about them, if they can’t even own up and apologize when they need to, you might need to see it for the red flag it is.
#4 Your Sheer Audacity!
Think about this for a moment.
Steve hurts Harriet’s feelings because he didn’t leave work late, and they missed their dinner date for their anniversary.
Harriet told Steve that she felt hurt, and that she didn’t matter.
Steve, in all his narcissism, told Harriet that the bills have to be paid somehow, and that his work is the most important thing in his life.
Harriet feels guilty for raising her upset, but also feels it to be unfair that she isn’t as important as his work.
Steve can’t believe Harriet would even question his priorities. Work is how everything gets paid for.
How dare she?!
See how it flipped? See how Steve did wrong, and couldn’t even tell Harriet he wasn’t going, on such an important date as their anniversary?
Then… See how Harriet felt all those emotions swirling around inside her?
Narcissists will appear shocked when you so much as breathe any wrongdoing their way.
I mean really, how dare you?
#5 They Can’t See What They Did
Imagine a great big bubble around the narcissist, where no information gets in, and none gets out. Inside that bubble, they live happily and obliviously. They can skip along each day, on their merry way, and nothing, I repeated nothing, will phase or affect them.
This bubble is what prevents the narcissist from seeing reality. They don’t understand anything they’ve done wrong, or anything they feel they owe anybody. The dream world they live in keeps them safe from all threats.
Narcissists are blind to what they do wrong, because they think they are perfect just the way they are.
You and I know they aren’t, but our opinions don’t mean anything.
We’re just the minions to them!
#6 What a Joke!
COme on, I was just kidding.
It was just a joke.
Why can you never understand when I’m kidding around?
Lighten up!
Refusing to say sorry can come from refusing to believe that what they did wrong was meant to be anything other than a big old joke to them.
So, in essence, this gives the narcissist permission to say or do whatever they want to do, and you just have to tolerate it ‘because it was a joke.’
And suddenly, you’re the one who can’t take a joke, or that you are seriously sensitive.
The problem will lead back to you.
And it’s so unfair.
Narcissists use this to get them off the hook, and as an excuse to be totally mean to you and bypass it as nothing but ‘a laugh.’
Imagine if the tables were turned…