Why Do Narcissists Refuse to Accept Blame?

Put your hands up!

“Officer, it wasn’t me!”

Okay, sorry. Be on your way.

In every scenario imaginable, the narcissist wants this for an outcome. They could have their fingerprints on the entire scene of the toxic crime, and still protest their innocence.

Narcissists will never accept blame. And why would they, when there are numerous people to point the finger at?

If you think you’re going to get away with blaming a narcissist for something they actually did, you’re in for a world of pain, and here’s why!

The Blame Game

Everything is such a game to the narcissist, right?

They are famous for treating everybody with so much disrespect that by the time people reach their last tether, the narcissist’s smirk becomes bigger than ever.

Getting involved with a narcissist means you are giving yourself to their game, and that’s fairly easy to do at the beginning. They’re all nice and charming, and of course, you’re baited and lured in. 

Becoming the narcissist’s next victim doesn’t mean you are guilty of anything, but that narcissist will make you think it’s all your fault. 

Checkmate!

When you’ve become emotionally, mentally and dare I say physically entangled with a narcissist, it’s already too late. The game is over and the narcissist has won.

Checkmate!

The narcissist, as soon as they have you hooked, will start to slowly but surely blame you for everything – including their own failings.

They have you right where they want you, and now they can unleash their war of words against you as you battle to save your innocence. 

Yes – even when the narcissist is to blame. 

But why do they do it?

See also  How Does a Narcissist Act When They Are Sick?

“Don’t Point Your Finger at Me!”

 The sheer audacity of having blame placed upon them will spark a rage you’ve never seen before. The narcissist doing something terrible, and you blaming them?

Heaven help you! 

The Narcissist doesn’t want you finger pointing, and telling them everything they’ve done wrong. It’ll crack the perfect image they’ve spent years trying to perfectly paint. 

It takes a very brave person to call out a narcissist. If that sounds like you, you should be half prepared for a backlash of some kind. 

“Nothing to Do With Me”

Of course it isn’t! My goodness, how could we be so silly? For a moment there, I made the terrible mistake of blaming you for the hurt, the pain, the rage, the anger, the anxiety, the depression, the confusement…

How could I have got this so wrong? It was never you! You’re perfect! I’m so sorry!

The narcissist will be completely taken aback if you so much as breathe blame toward them. It’s their job to quietly and covertly pull the strings and allow the chaos to happen, before stepping away and sitting down to watch the show.

It is not in their job description to stand up and say, “Oh by the way, that was all me. Oopsie.”

It’d be great if they did, wouldn’t it? The stress saved would be untold. 

“I Didn’t Even Know…”

Ha! No, no, sorry. I didn’t mean to laugh. Of course, I believe you. You didn’t know. Wou were clueless. You were somewhere else at the time, so it couldn’t have been you. 

Narcissists are everywhere all the time. If it’s not them, it’s someone working for them. A flying monkey will be taking notes and passing them back to the narcissist, like a note being passed to the bully in class. 

See also  Understanding and Handling the 4 Types of Narcissism

Narcissists know because they caused whatever they are pushing the blame away from. 

“I Would Never Do That!”

Now, one thing needs to be straightened out here. How could you possibly blame the kind-hearted, compassionate, empathic narcissist for something they clearly haven’t done? 

Why did it occur to you to blame somebody so innocent and keen to keep the peace and love everybody?

The narcissist would never do that – okay. And I’m the King of England. 

If they say they will never do something, expect them to always do it. This also works the other way around

Narcissists are taxing on stress levels. They will push you to your limits and make you feel like you’re losing your mind. The most annoying part of this is, a lot of people end up believing them.

This is gaslighting at its finest, and soon enough you’ll believe their hype and defend them when others try to lay blame too. 

“Admit When You’ve Made a Mistake!”

Projection is one of the most dangerous traits of the narcissist. When blame is placed at their feet, they will turn it around to be something you’ve done. They know full well that they’re lying, but it’s your word against theirs and, well, narcissists can be pretty persuasive people when they want to be. 

They will have you looking guilty in no time, while they walk off into the sunset smiling and washing their hands of your drama. 

Until the next time, that is. 

Projection is a way for the narcissist to protect their low self-esteem. They don’t want to look bad for anything they may have done, and will use you as a get out of jail free card. 

See also  Why do narcissists act like victims?

Hey – they have an image to protect, right?

You won’t be why their reputation is left in tatters, so they will happily throw you to the dogs.

“What Would I Gain…?”

This is a kind of reverse psychology move the narcissist loves to play. It exists purely to invoke guilt with you – and disturbingly – this is where most people in that situation find themselves apologizing!

Come on, think about it. What would I gain from doing that?

You’re clever. You know that’s way beyond my remit.

My goodness, what do you take me for?

I know I can be cheeky, but I’d never

Oh, I cringe even writing them but narcissists say them all the same. 

They don’t want you to think ill of them, so they question you and your morals. 

You know I’d never do that.

It leaves the path open for you to examine your morals and consider what’s right and wrong. 

As you’re doing that. The narcissist is walking away, whistling contently, knowing they’ve just totally manipulated you into believing the sun shines out of their rump. 

What does this mean for the bigger picture?

In short, it leaves the narcissist knowing just how much they can get away with, with you. They will use that as a starting point and keep pushing your boundaries until you have absolutely none left. 

Related Articles