Why Do Narcissists Pretend to be The Perfect Partner?

Narcissists are a little bit like calorie-free chocolate: 

Too good to be true!

You think you have the perfect person, until you realize that it just cannot be this good without a catch.

You’d be right to think that. Nobody is perfect, least of all a narcissist. They want you to think they are. In fact, narcissists want you to believe they are a true deity walking among us all.

Why? 

Well, they have very strong reasons, and they won’t ever back down from them.

Like a gauntlet of wisdom, I want to hand those reasons to you!

The Love-Bombing: A View For All!

The only good bomb in existence is a bee bomb for the garden. No other bombs are good, and don’t be fooled by the love bomb either – this is just as destructive. 

Don’t be fooled just because it has the word ‘love’ in it.

Love-bombing occurs when a narcissist wants to manipulate you into thinking they love you. I know what you’re going to say.

It all felt so real

I get that. It does feel real. That’s because narcissists are really clever at pretending. 

I’m not kidding. They’re actual experts at showing you something you want to see, just to manipulate you into thinking you are in a safe, happy relationship.

No narcissistic relationship is happy or safe. 

Imagine for a second, this:

You meet someone in a crowded room. You felt a little lost in it before, but you caught the eyes of somebody warm and charismatic. Immediately, you feel they understand you, and make you feel better, and that little bit less lost. 

They approach you, and you can’t believe your luck. They look so confident. 

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They ask you what an attractive person like yourself is doing standing alone. They then say how big crowds also make them a little nervous, and it’s nice to find someone just like them.

Well, you’re hooked. 

Thank goodness you found someone who gets you from the first five seconds of meeting them.

The stars feel aligned, and everything feels rosy. 

This meet-cute is just the start of you feeling so wonderful. It leads to weeks of heaven; where love grows with each passing breath. 

They make you feel like you’re the only person who exists. 

They ‘get’ you.

In The Beginning: Charm Central

Like all narcissistic relationships in the beginning – it’s perfect. It’s a little too perfect though, as before long, the perfection wears off, like a gold plated necklace in the sun.

Underneath you see the very different reality – and it wasn’t what you expected at all. 

By then, the narcissist has done all they can to get you hooked on them. 

They spent all that time tapping into the most vulnerable version of you, finding out all your weaknesses. Now they get to use them against you

And yes, it’s confusing. The change happens almost overnight, and you are left feeling slightly dazed from the sudden shift in dynamics. 

Charm central has left the building.

“Look At Me!”

Narcissists want to look perfect, even when they are knee deep in throwing critical comments your way. You can be present for that shift.

  • Watch out for the honeymoon period fading away.
  • Look for signs that you are changing too. Your mood is a reflection of their actions. 
  • Spot ways you feel more and more insecure, and how you are getting to feel this way. It’s never because of you.

The Cruel Reasons Narcissists Pretend to be The Perfect Partner

Why are narcissists so good at pretending to be perfect? What gives them the right to display so much fakeness, and what’s their end game?

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Let’s take a look.

To Win You Over

Without question – narcissists pretend to be perfect so that you feel bowled over by their energy and charm. The real person behind the mask is biding their time, waiting for the right moment to strike.

Until then, they will display everything you want to see and hear. They will make promises that fulfill your heart and keep you staying.

It can be comparable to a honey trap in a way. The lure will bring you as close as can be before you get stuck. Once you’re stuck, it’s very hard to escape, not least because you’ve been likely told that nobody else would want you. 

Winning you over is the way they pretend to be perfect, so whatever else follows can be allowed to unfold. 

To Win Over Your Friends and Family

This is where narcissism gets really insidious. 

I lose count of the amount of times people who escaped a narcissistic relationship told me this was their biggest issue with the narcissist. 

When you are in that relationship, and all you want to do is be believed – you look to your loved ones first, right?

You point and yell and say, “Look at this person. Look what they’re doing to me. Look how they make me feel. You have to help me!”

They stare at you like you’re going crazy. To them, the narcissist is a lovely person. They work hard, they always show up, and they love you very much. Their popularity becomes a measure for their kindness.

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So to them, what’s the problem? They don’t get it.

This is because they’ve seen the perfect version, and you’re the one who gets to see the other personality. 

That’s what narcissism is after all: a personality disorder.

It’s well controlled and contrived by the narcissist. They will be perfect to everybody else so you look crazy when you speak up about the truth.

Nobody will believe you. 

1-0 to the narcissist. 

To Hide Their Imperfections

If a person who insists on showing up as perfect can hide all the ways they aren’t, they will. 

There’s a difference between putting in the effort to impress, and completely pretending to be somebody you aren’t. Narcissists fall into the latter category, because deep down they’re nothing but insecure, needy, abusive people.

Don’t think for a second that the perfect, charming person they show you is real. They are just playing a character to get you to fall for them.

Warning: Things Get Rough For You

When you see the person behind the image, and nobody else does, it can feel quite tough to deal with. No matter how much you try to tell people the truth, they won’t believe you.

All the ways you want to be validated will be washed away by their need to stay perfect for everybody. 

This won’t last – and I know and believe that every narcissist has their eventual day. 

Hang onto that.

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