Why Do Narcissists Not Accept Apologies?

Narcissists love the attention behind an apology.

But…

The narcissist will not accept your apology.

It doesn’t matter how many times you say it. You can sing it, or spell it out in rose petals – it won’t change a thing. 

Your words will fall on ears that may not be hard of hearing but ears that refuse to let them in.

Nope! Forget it! Not listening! La, la, la, la, la!

There is a truth behind narcissists never accepting apologies, though – and I am here to gladly out that for you.

Sorry Seems to Be The Hardest Word

Sorry is a word completely alien to the narcissist. They don’t want to hear it, they don’t want to say it, nor do they want to feel it. 

The thing with ‘sorry’ is that it invokes a lot of feelings of vulnerability. It leaves doors wide open for intimate discussions and emotions to surface.

This is far beyond the comprehension of any narcissist. Instead, it’s easier to push an apology away and not deal with it at all. 

It’s a hard word, alright. It’s also a word that you’ll never see them mutter unless there was something in it for them.

That’s when you’ll see victim mode come into play…

The Value of Sorry: You vs. The Narcissist

Each of you will view an apology differently. 

You

  • Won’t hesitate to say sorry if you hurt somebody’s feelings. 
  • Will try to make it better, and endeavor to not repeat those actions again. 
  • Know that saying sorry helps rebuild trust and understanding. 

Sorry holds meaning for you, and you never want that to change. 

However…

The Narcissist

  • Will never say sorry, nor accept an apology.
  • Sees apologies as either fake or weak.
  • Feels ‘above’ apologies. Why should they?
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In contrast, the narcissist won’t want to offer any form of apology to you or anybody else for that matter. 

To them, there is no value in the word, and no point in uttering it at all. 

Why Narcissists Refuse to Accept Apologies

As odd as it may seem, once you know why the narcissist refuses your apology – all will become clear. 

#1 Apologies are Pathetic to Them

If you think your apology is going to sound anything other than needy claptrap, you’re mistaken. The narcissist looks down on anybody who apologizes to them like they are muck on their shoes.

Do you honestly, for one moment, think the narcissist is going to entertain your apology? More importantly, do you think you’re important enough for the narcissist to accept what you’re saying?

They don’t have that kind of time to give you. You’re an interruption to their day. The more you try to shove your apology in their face, the less they will pretend to respect you. 

In fact – they don’t even recognize you. Sorry, who are you again?

#2 They Prefer to Add it to the List

Hang on a minute… So you did something wrong, and now you’re apologizing for it?

No. No, no, no, no.

That can’t do.

That won’t do. 

The narcissist isn’t going to accept it, because they’ve already taken what you’re apologizing for, and added it to their list.

Have you ever sat with a narcissist, and they’ve brought up something you did wrong weeks, months, even years ago?

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Remember that time you told me you’d be home on time, and then you didn’t text me to say you were running late? Remember how I worried myself to death over that? To this day, I still don’t know what you were thinking.

Ah yes, here it comes again. You knew it hadn’t been raised for a while, it almost felt overdue

The narcissist exaggerated their disappointment/rage/sadness at you not being clear with them (irony central…), and you’re still paying for it. 

They like to hold things against you because it makes you look imperfect.

Which…

Makes them look more perfect!

Of course, we all know that’s untrue. 

#3 They Don’t Have Any Self- Awareness

Apologize? Me? For what?

You’re asking me to apologize and I don’t even know what I was supposed to have done!

Even when you spell it out for the poor narcissist, they won’t understand.

Bottom lining them won’t make a difference:

You hurt my feelings, and I need you to understand that.

Nope.

Still not enough.

Their self-awareness is sadly zero. No matter how much you try to shift that up a few gears, you’ll never be able to.

They won’t see you as somebody in need of a little respect. When reflecting that onto them:

They aren’t going to feel as though your apology holds any meaning to it. After all, if you can hurt them, they can hurt you, right?

You have to live with this until you decide enough is enough. 

Narcissists will never change. 

They will never suddenly think saying sorry is a good idea, or will help their relationships flourish.

 #4 It Prevents Them Being Able to Rage

Wait a second, so you want to say sorry?

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What will the narcissist do now?

They had a whole speech planned out for your wrongdoing.  They were going to yell and scream and spit and shake. 

They were going to run through all the things you have done to hurt them.

They were going to call you out for not being the ‘bigger person’ and accepting your part in all of this.

And now – now you have the nerve to say you’re sorry?!

What sort of inconvenience are you?

Your apology throws a huge spanner in their works. They now have to look at you, all remorseful and genuine, and pat you on the back.

There, there. It’s okay. I accept your apology. I understand.

Uh… No. 

It’s not going to play out that way. 

Instead, the narcissist is going to refuse your apology and ensure you hear their wrath and rage in real-time.

Yay…

#5 If They Don’t Accept Your Apology, You Can’t Manipulate Them

Narcissists don’t want to accept your apology. It is a terrible way to assume they can be manipulated.

To say you’re sorry also leaves the door wide open for them to apologize for all the times they’ve upset you. That can’t happen because you need to be able to get away with everything that you have thus far.

Narcissists work in extreme ways, and this is one of them. 

No. They won’t want to accept anything you offer. How dare you even think that they will!

Refusing your apology denotes apologies in general. 

That way, they get let off the hook!

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