Why do Narcissists Love Drama?

You won’t need to turn on your TV when narcissists are close by. They come without a subscription, and you don’t have to sign up for anything.

The only catch?

There’s only one channel.

Oh, and the free trial is really misleading.

That’s right. Narcissists come with a level of drama that no production company can match. They do it all by themselves; you’re just the extra in the background.

Narcissists love drama for reasons I personally will never understand, but I’ll still share them with you.

The Story of Adam

Adam is a real person, disguised under a fake name. I want to introduce you to him today, because I believe he can really help you understand how intrinsically linked narcissism and drama are. 

Adam is a 40 year old man, who has always lived alone. Never fully committing to any relationship, he still enjoys dating women, both online and in person. 

Adam hates intimacy, but loves attention. This can prove tricky when women try to tell him they love him, or want to be with him in a real relationship. 

Adam adores being told these things, but he just can’t commit. 

He has an ingrained fear of being abandoned. 

To hide this fear, Adam treats all the women he meets like trash. This is only after the initial period of love-bombing, making sure the women are hooked on him.

This is because Adam can’t bear to be alone, yet can’t stand the idea of following through with the loving words and promises he feeds his victims. 

Naturally, this causes drama, sometimes to the point of fireworks. 

Adam loves drama. It makes him feel alive. 

Drama: Adam’s Middle Name

One woman who Adam met was called Rose. She met him online, a good several years ago now. They clicked immediately. They sent messages back and forth, even chatting in real time at least once a day. This went on for a few months, and Rose thought she’d met The One

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Adam told Rose that he loved her, and had never felt this way before. He told her that he saw himself with her, marrying her and having children. He desperately wanted to arrange to meet Rose, but that it would take some planning as they lived a thousand miles apart. 

Rose was willing to do this for the man who had come into her life and turned it upside down for all the right reasons. 

After a while, Adam began to pick at little things Rose did. She always sent him sweet emails, but they started to not be returned, or were criticized. 

Rose was told she was “needy” and “clingy.” This upset her, but when she showed her sadness, Adam made her the problem. He’d do this by reaffirming her neediness. 

Rose woke up one morning, and Adam was gone. 

She tried to email him, but it pinged back as undeliverable. He was no longer available to chat online. His phone had been cut, and wasn’t connectable. 

Rose spent the next few months wondering what she did wrong, and her self-esteem plummeted. She couldn’t picture her life with anybody else.

Right before she gave up entirely, Adam reappeared.

He messaged Rose, saying he wasn’t perfect, but that he realized that his love for her was too big to ignore.

The cycle began again. 

Rose hated being discarded, which was why she felt so good when Adam showed up.

Adam loved being in control. He had the best of both worlds.

The drama felt so good to him.

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In the end, Adam and Rose never did meet. Rose learned her worth, and stopped jumping back into the cycle whenever it presented itself.

And Adam?

Nobody knows.

Adam = All Narcissists

Sadly, this happens all the time. Narcissists love the drama – the highs, the lows, and all in between. They can’t just enjoy life; it has to have something happening in it. If you aren’t providing the drama, they will search for it elsewhere.

It isn’t just limited to love relationships, either. Narcissists will claw at their friends or family, or even coworkers to reap a little drama. 

  • They can gossip about a mutual person in your life, hoping to get a little supply from you.
  • They can drop hints that somebody isn’t happy with you. This can create a little friction and conflict – two of the narcissist’s favorite things. 
  • They will engage in conversations with anybody where tensions happen to be high, so they can be a part of it in some way. This is usually accompanied with ‘advice’ or ‘encouragement’ from the narcissist, before they bow out and watch the destruction from afar. 

Why Narcissists Love Drama

What is it about the drama they love the most?

#1 They like Watching People React

Reactions of others act like food for the narcissist. They gobble it up like it’s about to go out of date, and they become energized by the metaphoric sugar of it all. 

People’s reactions show the narcissist that their tactics work, and that they still hold the tools to pull the strings when they want to. 

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Adam would have enjoyed watching Rose beg for him to come back. Someone loves him, right? That’s what he wanted to feel and know. 

#2 They Get Bored Easily

Narcissists do have a habit of becoming very bored, very easily. They want to mix things up, and potentially move from one person to another in search for supply and attention.

Putting all their eggs in one basket means they will have a lot to lose if you wise up, right?

#3 The Love of Control is High 

Any way the narcissist creates drama is a way they get to control you. It’s a little bit like making sure you’re doing exactly what you should be doing. You’re creating order in their life just by being there. 

Conflict will arise, and they will see they’ve got you where they want you.

#4 To Manipulate

Manipulation is a tactic to ensure you do what they want you to do without having to necessarily spell it out for you. 

If they want to see you angry, that’s what they will work toward. 

Manipulation makes them feel good about themselves for a short time. It never lasts because their self-loathing will soon rise. That’s why manipulation is an ongoing thing. 

Get Out While You Can!

You don’t need me to tell you that there are Adam’s all over the world – and they bring their own drama to every relationship, friendship, or workplace.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to walk away as quickly as possible. Don’t leave it a moment too late. 

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