Why do Narcissists Love-Bomb and then Ghost?

If you know narcissists, you’ll know how much they love to sweep you off your feet. You get so high up in the air, that it becomes a long distance to fall.

But you do fall because the narcissist ends up ghosting you.

The further you fall, the more painful the landing, right? 

You’re not alone. In fact, in the US, 30% of people have experienced what it’s like to be ghosted. I imagine a whole heap of those involve a narcissist.

There are pretty shocking reasons why a narcissist would go to these lengths, and they all equate to a cruel cycle of abuse.

Your heartache can heal – let’s get into it from the start and find out more.

The Cycle: What It Means and How it Spins

The narcissistic cycle of abuse is common in all relationships with a narcissist. It actually doesn’t even matter if this relationship is platonic, family or romantic – the cycle is the same because the games of the narcissist are the same. 

First off, there’s the love-bombing stage. You come to know this as the time where the narcissist is so intent on wanting to keep you, that they do anything for that to happen. 

Love-bombing comes out of nowhere, and is accompanied by the narcissist wearing their mask of deception. They want you to be charmed. They will throw out all the stops to give you the attention and affection that will make you feel great

The narcissists will invade your plans and demand your time, and make you feel a little bad about it if you can’t meet them in that space. 

It can get very tiring, very quickly. 

Then comes the Devaluation phase of the abuse. Here’s where you’ll start to hear the critical comments. Suddenly you’re not good enough. You aren’t clever enough, or your clothes aren’t nice enough. 

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You can expect gaslighting, and the confusion from which to kick in fast. You feel isolated and anxious, like you’re walking on eggshells. 

What’s going on?

Before you can answer that, in comes the discard. The narcissist appears to truly have had enough of you now, and you are tossed to the side of the road. 

You feel bereft. Everything you went through, and all those intense feelings are still with you, but they don’t want to know. What are you going to do now?

Well, you won’t have long to wait, because in comes the last stage of the cycle – the hoovering stage. 

To be hoovered is to be gobbled up by the narcissist’s apologies, which seem genuine but are in fact hollow.

Because they appear to be so genuine, the victim is going to love any show of affection. They will feel relief that they are still loveable, and that the narcissist is back.

Now the narcissist can begin the cycle all over again, starting back with love-bombing. 

Love-Bombing 101

Love-bombing appears to sound great – but it’s actually just as toxic as all the overtly bad stuff narcissists exude in relationships.

Love-bombing can look like:

  • Telling you how much they love you, and promising you the world.
  • Expressing their ‘overwhelming love’ for you through lavish gifts.
  • Taking you to expensive restaurants and ‘showing you off.’
  • Sending many, many texts, emails, or calling you lots, sometimes out of the blue.

Ghosting 101

Let’s be real. There’s nothing good about ghosting. It’s painful, and leads to so many self-esteem issues in the person affected.

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Ghosting looks like:

  • The sudden stopping of communication. No matter what platform you use – nothing.
  • Being blocked on social media or messaging platforms.
  • Being stood up on a day you were supposed to meet.
  • Being ignored or avoided in the street by that person if you see them.

Why Do Narcissists Love-Bomb Then Ghost?

As much as it hurts me to have to break it down for you, there are reasons why narcissists love-bomb then ghost. I want you to know that there’s no justification for being ghosted though. This action alone should cause you to walk away and never look back. 

#1 They Love to Manipulate You

Narcissists will manipulate those they can control with ease. If you’re experiencing the overwhelming love-bombing actions of a toxic person, you’ll likely be at their beck and call somewhere.

Narcissists will manipulate you by pretending they care, even when they don’t. They will set up love-bombing actions, so when they’re done with you, they can ghost you and get away with it before returning again. 

Even if they don’t return, you’ll likely just feel sorry for them, rather than be angry enough to not let it happen again.

#2 Control Via Emotions

Your emotions are completely controlled by the narcissist through each stage here. I’m sure nobody intends to be controlled, but it’s what happens when the storm of narcissism rolls in and sweeps you off your feet. 

Control is something you won’t be aware of, until it’s too late. By then, you’re caught up in it and you will struggle to find your way out without deep self-reflection and healing. 

Narcissists however, love that control. It makes them feel powerful, and reinforces their belief that they are untouchable and in charge.

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#3 Deep Insecurity

They fill your world with love, then snap it back and disappear as if by magic. 

Narcissists do it because they realize they got in too deep. They’re left scared of revealing their true, vulnerable self to somebody who seems to have really fallen for them. 

So what can they do?

Ah yes.

Run!

#4 Abandonment Issues

It’s a fact that narcissists won’t want to stick around if they feel you’re going to up and leave first. 

As much as they’ve tried to keep you, there will always be a part of them that will doubt you’ll stay. 

Because of that, they ‘up and run.’ 

Better they be in control, than you, right?

There’s that old narcissistic pride kicking in…

#5 To Step Away From Difficult Conversations

Okay, so the time has come where you want to have a conversation. Yes, it can be difficult. Yes, it involves talking about your emotions, and getting to really vulnerable topics.

Hello? Narcissist? 

Where did you go?

Naarrccisssisssst?

No answer. No hope. 

I mean, you can keep calling them, but they ain’t comin’ back.

Narcissists will not entertain difficult conversations, no matter how much they promise you the sun, moon and stars. 

Sadly, it was all a trick to get you to hook into their manipulation tactics. Now they’re done with all of that and gotten their supply, they’re off faster than you can even say ghost.

As heartbreaking as it is to be ghosted, it’s a sign this wasn’t meant to be.

Love doesn’t ghost, or give up on you. Understanding that will keep you heads and shoulders above narcissistic abuse.

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