Why do Narcissists Lie So Much?

why do narcissists lie

Why do narcissists lie? “Because they can”…as the cliché goes. Seriously, many narcissists do lie and they lie constantly. They lie about their education, they lie about their achievements, and they lie about extramarital affairs or what they had for dinner.

If someone else is boasting about their 2019Mercedes, a narcissist will claim (s)he has a 2020 Mercedes just to make her/himself appear more superior.

The Reasons Narcissists Lie

Narcissists may lie for a variety of reasons which include seeking admiration or to hide their flaws or mistakes. They commonly lie to seek attention. In some cases, a person with this type of personality disorder will lie in order to make the person (s)he is lying to question their own sense of reality.

Narcissists use lying and deception as handy tools to get whatever they want. A narcissist will look you right in the eyes, without blinking, and lie right to your face. Narcissists become so skilled at lying that many of them believe that they are telling the truth. Others use constant lying as a way of controlling the people around them.

Probably the most common lie is due to the unusually strong need a narcissistic person has for people to admire him or her. In an effort to make her/himself feel more important, or more talented, or powerful than(s) he is, an individual with a narcissistic personality may grossly exaggerate when he tells of his or her accomplishments.

It is not beneath him or her to tell lies about another person in an effort to diminish the other person’s accomplishments. By doing so, a narcissistic person believes he will make himself or herself seem better in the eyes of those around him.

Another very common reason for lying is evident in the narcissist’s need to gain attention. It is not unusual for them to make up stories about themselves in an effort to make others view them as more interesting. Narcissists may also tell lies in order to make people feel sorry for them in an effort to seek attention as a victim. They have been known to tell people they have cancer or some other disease when, in fact, they don’t.

Suggested Reading: The Narcissistic Liar: Why the narcissist lies about almost everything

Types of Narcissist Lies

What types of lies do they tell? The following examples of “conscious” lies are what a narcissistic 16 year old might say to her parents when they left her home “alone” for a night: (These examples are compiled by Randi Kreger from BPDcentral.com. Read her full article Here.)

  1. Lies of omission: telling the truth but not the whole truth in a way designed to mislead (“While you were gone I watched a DVD”–not mentioning the five people who were also over and who drank beer).
  2. Not speaking up when asked a direct question: (Silence when asked, “What did you do when we were gone?”)
  3. Making up facts that are not true: (“I did my homework while you were gone”).
  4. Embellishing the truth is a way that misleads: (“I took care of the cat”–meaning she petted it a few times but forgot to feed him on time or change the litter box).
  5. Insisting that a truth is a falsehood: (“I did not have friends over!”).
  6. Gaslighting”: an attempt to erode another’s reality by denying their experience (“No, the house looks exactly like it did when you left. Is there something wrong with your vision?”).
  7. Acknowledging the truth but assigning motives that were never there to make yourself look better: (“Yes, I had people here but only because I was so lonely without you that I was getting very depressed and started crying”).
  8. Keeping secrets for the wrong reasons: (One of the friends stole the mother’s expensive earrings).

Unconscious Lies

There are also unconscious lies that the narcissist believes on a conscious level. Being truthful takes the ability to be honest with yourself, because if you’re not honest with yourself- you won’t be honest with others. For example:

  1. When a narcissist says that everyone loves and respects her when it’s obvious to others it’s not true, that’s an unconscious lie.
  2. They project their own feelings onto others. For instance, their “You hate me,” means “I hate myself” (or “I hate you”). These tend to be more “untruths” rather than overt lies.

Attitude toward Lying

If you have to deal with a narcissist, you face a major problem; it is the narcissist’s attitude towards lying.

Most adults have learned that lying tends to be destructive in the end and that it ultimately leads to isolation and loneliness. It hinders any sincere communication and hence the narcissist will find her/himself increasingly on the outside and eventually excluded.

However, as much as the narcissist notices this isolation and may react with increasing panic, it does not bring about a modification of the narcissist’s lying, which is one of their major coping strategies.
The attitude of the narcissist towards lying is immature and simple: If the narcissist lies and gets away with it, (s)he interprets this as being clever and superior to others. The narcissist views lying as an excellent tool to obtain what (s)he wants; it is also a means to demonstrate how stupid others are. A person who wishes to engage in real communication, or shows openness, will be viewed by the narcissist as an utter fool who deserves to be exploited. Willingness to communicate and to show openness will be viewed by the narcissist as weakness or stupidity.

The Effect of the Narcissist’s Lies

Whether conscious or unconscious lies, the results are the same for the people involved in narcissistic peoples’ lives:

  • Lies erode trust and intimacy. One man said,” I learned never to really trust her. It leaves me feeling very alone in the relationship. I don’t trust her with our finances. I don’t trust her regarding the parenting of our children. I don’t trust her with my heart anymore. I simply don’t trust her.”
  • Some people come to believe the lies that the narcissist tells about them. A man went to therapy for years to “fix himself” until a therapist indicated his wife might have NPD.
  • Narcissists confuse and paralyze others around them—especially when they use gaslighting which drives others to question their own sanity.
  • It is an understatement to say that the people around them feel betrayed and hurt. A betrayal leads to a lack of trust, which reduces intimacy, which destroys relationships.


  1. www.bpdcentral.com/blog/?Why-Do-Narcissists-and-Borderlines-Lie-So-Much-24
  2. www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201112/why-some-narcissists-and-borderlines-lie?page=2
  3. http://www.chameleongroup.org.uk/npd/lies.html
  4. http://wisegeek.com/what-is-the-connection-between-narcissism-and-lying.htm#did-you-know
why do narcissists lie so much

  • Tell me please. How does one deal with a person of this nature if one has no choice? Should they be confronted with their lies? Can one prevent it in their children? If so, how?

    • Knowing whether someone is a true narcissist, or just a selfish jerk isn’t an easy determination to make. Narcissist are rare. I’ve met lots of selfish jerks in my life, but only two people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

      I bring that up first, because it makes all the difference in the world when dealing with that other person. NPD is a severe mental illness. People who suffer from NPD don’t form intimate connections with the people in their lives in the way that that the rest of us do. Narcissist want to attention and to be admired by the masses, but other than that, the narcissist is only concerned with what they can use you for. Even with their own parents or children, while they may feel some sense of entitlement or social expectations for them to behave in a certain way as members of a family or as parents to their own kids, but they lack any genuine feelings of love. Understanding that, it’s easy to see why a narcissist doesn’t have a problem with constantly telling you lies. It would be kinda like you telling lies to a virtual girl on a computer screen. No matter how disgusted the virtual girl became with hearing your lies, it wouldn’t really bother you.

      Narcissist care about your feelings about as much as you care about a chicken’s feelings. All they really want is for you to give them their required attention and admiration, and anything else just isn’t important. The only way for a narcissist to be able to tolerate being around someone else, is if they can find some way to gain from the situation. Even with their own children, the narcissist will accept the social responsibility of being a parent, but their real motivation will be to use the child as tool to get attention or praise from others.

      Narcissist feel that telling lies is a necessary part element required to manipulate you and everyone else in their life, and instead of complaining, you should just be grateful that they’ve allowed you to be in their life at all.

      Telling the narcissist that it wrong to tell lies and that it hurts people would be a complete waste of your air. They can’t understand how something that’s so good for them can be a bad thing; regardless of who else gets hurt.

      If on the other hand, said person is just a selfish jerk who is capable of being a better person with the proper motivation, the Yes, by all means tell them what you really think!

  • It’s the best time to make a few plans for the future and it’s time to be happy.

    I have learn this put up and if I could I desire to counsel
    you some interesting things or tips. Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article.

    I want to learn more issues approximately it!

  • Yep they lie!!!
    I spent almost three years with the Lying King!
    Thank God, I am done and didn’t marry this despicable human being.
    They are serial killers of the soul!!

    • Best description ever – serial killers of the soul. My other half’s ex still has emotional issues now and it’s only in the last couple of years I’ve realised he lied about her. He’s been lying about me to his friends – he tells them I’m jealous and possessive when I’ve never been any such thing – we just have trust issues because he slept with his ex behind my back (denied I existed to her so I don’t blame her), joined dating websites and blocks me on Facebook once he started adding new female “friends” He needs their adoration and he lies about me to get it. Poor man with the jealous girlfriend. Yes we have trust issues and he tells them all that but he doesn’t tell them what he did to break my trust… And now he’s stopped me socialising with his friends… I can’t decide if he’s jealous when they say they like me (actually he is he even said it makes him sick haha) or if he’s worried I’ll find out just how bad the lies about me are (I suspect it’s that TOO)…. Either way I’ve put up with it for 11 years – his ex lasted 12 years… But now I’m done. Narcissists are not human… When they say they love you they mean they love how you make them feel… Superior, wonderful, loved…. They don’t care how they make you feel when they have narcissistic episodes and don’t dare tell them.. They can’t handle the truth about themselves… Eventually you will display signs of mental Ill health and bang their friends will say oh my gosh he was right about her… Poor man and so it goes on… Serial killers of the soul…. Spot on. I’m done too x

      • Thank you Lou for your comments and good luck to you.

        I was in a 10 year relationship with a narcissist before we were divorced. He destroyed me and I thought, all along, that I was broken. He bad mouthed me to my son, my in-laws, my friends. Told everyone how crazy I was and when I did finally have a bit of a breakdown they all went…”yep, he was right”. Reality was, he broke me completely. I was a shell of a person before he was done with me. I have now been out of that for 16 years and I am doing fabulously. Married to a wonderful, caring man.

        Unfortunately, my relationship with my son has suffered. It is better but it is difficult to wipe away 20 years of conditioning by his father, My ex-in-laws still believe I am a complete failure and crazy person. Not that I care to even entertain proving that I am not to them, it is interesting that my ex is in the same place he was 15 years ago and I have built a great life, finished two degrees, making a great living, and traveling as much as possible.

        Narcissists can do a lot of damage. If it is a relationship you can leave (such as a spouse) I highly recommend doing it. They will never change, ever.

  • I would like to find other people to talk with, for support. The lies, the smear campaigns and finding and using your own friends to use against you to make you appear crazy. I have never known anyone like it. Amazing people will listen to someone so totally nuts. Seeking attention and claiming to be the victim.

    • Dear June,
      I would also like to talk to other people dealing with a narcissist. I had no idea what I was getting into when I married my prince charming, and it has been a steady pattern of destroying my confidence and the professional loving happy woman I was when when met. I have to move forward and feel so confused. I wish you well. What is your situation?

      • Ann, I know you haven’t posted it looks like since 2015, just wondering if maybe you could leave your email. I am in the process of trying to divorce my narcissistic husband. It is one of the hardest things I have had to do. I am desperately in need of someone to talk with about this.

    • My x mother in law has worked this on me and my two children since they were little. I believe my x husband was her victim but also acted in the same way to me and others just as she did probably his entire life to him. He was so smothered and she was so intrusive he never learned to survive and live without her coming to the rescue. This makes so much sense now. He passed away 3 yrs ago. It was then that i clearly began to see her doing the same to my children. And yhey kike him can not stand up to her and almost have a addiction to her . She has recently called CPS three times in a row. The first two cases closed “unsubstantiated”. Now on the 3rd with approx.15 days between each the annity is higher and the stories add on and she actually has my children right now!!!! I fear for them but no one will kusten or believe me. I am going to try a new tactic znd invsde her space and make life as miserable as she has ours by not letting her breathe for s change fir i have found that confronting her and calling her out makes her “get unraveled” and she lashes back and makes mistakes. Pray for my kids. Tgey are q2 and 13 and we have not yet had a day to “live”. I just need to make her fludtered enough to reveal herself. Plz pray for me as well. I am worn down and out after 14 yrs nonstop with this mess. They are relentless. She doesnt see at all what this has down to my kids. She could care less. It is crucial that i put a stop to this and any ideas tips ….anything is welcome… thx for reading

  • I have been married to a narcissist for 8 years now. The major gaslighting has left me questioning my own sanity on a daily basis. He has been physically abusive in the past and when he’s drinking and or taking drugs(lies about this) demorilizes myself and my children. Most recently he has lied to my children about me.
    I never had him arrested in the past( I felt sorry for him). He was never really “sorry” for anything he ever did to me or diminishes what he did and angerly replies “I apologized for that!” I’m separated from him now and will get a restraining order tomorrow. He texted me 28 times yesterday “where are you?”
    I’m surprised I made it this far. The control was out of control.
    Run don’t walk if you meet this type of person. Get out while you can.

  • Hey I just got out of a relationship and I did doubt it for a little while on and off but I think she probably has NPD. We met through work, she lives 3300 miles away. She is 8 years older (im 25) She is a single parent looking after her daughter (who twice recovered from kidney cancer). Her son lives with her ex husband. She got very involved with me very quickly and I had not experienced any relationship as meaningful as the one I thought I was in with her. Here are some of the texts she sent me like 2 or 3 weeks after speaking to her for the first time:
    “I love you. I dont believe in much religion but I do in fate. I love you more than I thought I could. You make me feel sexy and gorgeous. You also make me smile”

    “I haven’t felt that way in a very long time. I hope one day you’ll want yo spend the rest of your life with me. I promise to make you happy sweetie. Love you:-*”

    Now very early on.. she would act jealous and overprotective. I would be hanging out with my guy friends.. and if I was maybe 1 hour late after saying I would call her.. she would flip out. Start crying. So I would too.. professing my love for her and devotion to her in no uncertain terms. Then we would make up. Being so far apart the relationship was largely me spending the early hours of the morning on skype with her. She was very sexy, very alluring. Very naughty minded. She would constantly ask me to get her pregnant. Would outright say that she wanted a life with me. It seems so naive now as it was so early on in the relationship. Then soon after, she started talking the many guy friends she has on social media. I could see her snapchat count going up. She would claim she was busy but I would still see her available on various apps. She made me feel terrible for questioning her on anything, like I was smothering her, being overprotective, overbearing, controlling etc.
    So she was planning to come over to the uk. While she was doing this.. I found out from another guy I work with that she was planning to meet with him when she was over. Just for their kids to meet, they both insisted. I questioned her about it for ages. She said I should date a few other girls. But would still get.. intimate with me over Skype. It seemed like she was confused… and on and off, on and off.. I would doubt her then feel terrible for it. She still met up with me when she came over in august. We took a train journey to the town in work in (the town my coworker lives in). She kissed me twice on the journey… i was starting to think that things would be ok. I genuinely had barely ever been happier. She had got dressed up nice. But showed no interest in any of the suggestions I had for what we could do that evening (go for a nice meal, take a walk in my home town). On that train journey she grabbed my phone from me and started reading messages to a friend I had confided in about my relationship problems. Some messages I had sent said that I had nude pictures of her and felt like posting them and that it was no less than she deserved. We got off the train.. she broke down.. stopped talking to me.. sent the messages to her phone so that she could read them later. Made me get back on a train in the other direction “or she would walk for good”. So I did. She told me she might come to my house but she needed time to think. So I got to my home town, and waited for her at the station. She loved me right? So she would come. But she called me and said she had decided to go back to London. So i asked for proof. She eventually sent me a picture of her hotel room.. so of course I felt awful. How could I keep putting her through this with my lack of trust? If all she said to me was the truth.. then this woman was perfect right?
    So i knew she had a good time with my work colleague that weekend. They seemed to hit it off and started posting pics of them together and their kids together on facebook. During the few weeks that followed I was still in contact with her. One day she called me on skype, appeared to break down and then told me that she had slept with my coworker and that he had got her pregnant. She even went into detail about how it all went down. She claimed to be so hurt by the message to my friend that he had picked her up that night. They had been relaxing on the sofa, he had been comforting her and then it happened. He had been a little rough with her the first time on the sofa.. then went upstairs and did it again. My reaction to this was one of complete subservience. I said I was ok with it as long as she still wanted me and not him and that it was all just a mistake.
    She then backtracked and said it was all a lie, and that I always assumed the worst of her. Time went on, my perceived jealousy and insecurity persisted (hahaha) and we kept arguing. She told me the truth about them and backtracked a couple of times. We argued alot.. I would block her as she maintained that we could only be friends and I would tell her I wasn’t comfortable with it as I still wanted more. She would then start to say she loves both of us. “But him and I are not how you think, we connect as adults, we talk about life” she would say. I live with my parents. He lives with his daughter, with a spare room in his own house, in a country she wants desperately to move to. I would continue to question her about her snapchat count and status and stuff. She still said we could be f… buddies. She said I should visit her there and help her move. Everything I’ve read about Ns ticks all the boxes with her.
    So one day a couple of weeks ago.. she finally tells me the truth for the final time. I am in work… she says he doesn’t want to see her any more because of the distance, that they did sleep together that night, and that she got pregnant. She told him she miscarried and then told him she hadn’t. I confronted him and he admitted it. He said “sorry mate these things happen”. I said they had both lied to me about it for so long. He maintained that he had said nothing to me. Which is mostly true. We had one conversation where he was kind of condescending and said there were plenty more fish in the sea. I hated him so much for this. I projected alot of my anger on him. All part of her plan. So i left work, AWOL. I put a brick through the back window of his new car. She nearly drove me to suicide.. I spent the whole day working out how I would end it. Eventually the night came and I got cold and hungry. And went home. Such a lucky escape. So she is still planning to move in with him. One of her friends (who she had always told me not to speak to as she just liked to sleep around, was a blabber mouth etc) has since revealed that she used to leave her daughter with one of her guy friends (they used to date) and would go out to bars and not be back when she said she would.
    I had little to no repercussions from damaging his car.. I’ve since told everyone I trust in the office about my coworker and about her. My bosses referred me to occupational health as I had mentioned that I was very very low that day. But between that time I read about NPD. I wondered if I was just being bitter about losing her… but I really see that I had the lucky escape in that I didn’t have money or material possessions to give her. Life with her would have been unbearable. She never once conceded that she was wrong on any point. She would occasionally say she never meant to hurt me. She would always contradict herself.. even in the same sentence. She would reply to my completely cogent points with “I’m not going back and forth. I cant deal with the stress”. When I eventually made up my mind that she had NPD.. I told her that in the most well meaning way.. she should seek therapy. Not that she will. She told me to “stop trying to be somebody”.
    If anyone has made it this far, thank you so much for your time. I’m in a good place now.. its all very fresh but I feel a sense of great pride that nearly all of my instincts were correct about her.. I just had too much belief in humankind and was too open with the wrong person. I know to set myself boundaries in my next relationship, to see the warning signs. She blocked me on everything.. but I still have to see his face every day at work. I’m not just being bitter or nasty as I know he will get manipulated hard too.. and stands to lose more.. but he is one ugly hunchback weasel. Then again I know the lengths she would go to try to isolate me “don’t speak to anyone else about our personal business. What is between us is between us” etc.
    When I told her I was suicidal that day.. she was more concerned with the damage to his car than my wellbeing. She said “well if you kill yourself you are stupid. You have family”. A valid point but expressed in a way only a truly heartless narcissist devoid or genuine empathy/emotional truly can. The realisation that it was fake only now leaves me with a feeling of slight disappointment that it didn’t work out. All of this was over 4 months. I also now feel a lucky escape.. given that if I had a baby with her like I planned to.. It still would certainly not have stopped her urges to sleep around. She is broken. I wanted so much to help her given all that she had told me about her life.. but that is what narcs feed on. Or at least that is how I perceive it. Anyway…
    There’s so much more that I could say but.. I think I’ve typed enough now.
    We will all get over these unfortunate monsters. I will love again.. as will all of you. It felt good when I thought it was reciprocated. Now I know how good it will feel when it REALLY is. Haven’t even had a response yet but this was very cathartic to type out. Thanks in advance lol.

    Peace everyone. 😉

    • Wow!! I have never know a man to put so much emotional thought and care into a relationship! I’ve only had relationships with narcs so I’ve not experienced any men that were so emotionally connected. I hope I’m lucky enough to find a real man like you!

      • Part of being with a narcisist is they bring it out of you i think. I dont believe i was that much of an emotional extrovert until my female narc destroyed me. Gaslighting is an emotional tool and they are usually gaslighting you constantly.
        Thats how they get you of balance and at that point your emotions take over.
        I do feel it will make me more caring next relationship, more aware of the other persons needs although i did do that well to a certain degree, never selfish, but i have to be aware that in doing so leaves me open to another narcisist preying on me.
        They look to get only there needs met remember. And are masters at disguising it until your hooked. Mine drove me to lose everything and suicide too. 14 years of hell. Im still trying to find the truth on suspected affairs but she was very good at making me feel awful for questioning what i really knew to be true.
        I did catch her once, she blamed me, dumped me until he returned to his wife.
        Then came back and gradually denyed it ever happened! Like i hadnt overheard everything and seen the sexually explicit emails etc.
        They will destroy you, without a care because they just move to the next.

        • I am smack dab in the middle of just finding out I have been married to a narcissist for 11 years together for 17. His deceptive was so good, privately looking at and parcipating in pornography for over half our marriage and I didn’t know. I don’t understand with him being a grown man why he didn’t just say he was doing what but instead he made me feel crazy when I would bring up things I was finally noticing. Yesterday I left my tablet on record and left the house on errands when I got home I played the “sounds of silence” it wasn’t. He denies doing what you so clearly can hear him doing but he also doesn’t know that I have proof of his actios. So with the porn, which he says is my fault because of my insecurities of which I don’t have, he continually lying when there is no reason to lie. He will turn every conversation around to him no matter the subject matter.I have thought I could make this work but there is absolutely no way this man will ever change, I really don’t think he can because he doesn’t think he ever does any wrong. He will never apologize or take any responsibility for anything. He will go as low as to blame my grandchildren for taking time away from him with me which is bs it is clear he could care less about me but this is my home, my car he likes those things. This morning when I told him again that this marriage was over he said “but I still love you” even at this point, the end of 17 years he couldn’t make those words even sound sincere. When I started my research about his actions because he wasn’t always like this, I know now he was he just hid it so well. I feel used and hurt and quite frankly stupid and I know I am not it’s just hard to wrap my head around not seeing these things with him not just sooner but at all until my Dr. explained narcissism to me. I did my due diligence and read a lot, what I read over and over again was him……point for point! Hopefully others will read this and safe themselves some heartbreak at least that is my hope.

  • At the time you may feel as though nothing is going to be achieved through the
    discussion; you might be creating your own self doubt by not
    believing that you’re worthy of being listened to and recognising that you have a problem.

    When a specified question is being asked, in normal circumstance, the
    eye will probably be looking to the left to recall the pictures
    inside the memory. Give your suspect more than enough
    room to make errors and ensure that you do not ever accuse him if you don’t have proof that might be used in court if necessary.
    Although, going the first sort route can be be extremely costly obviously, although within the event that
    it indicates everything to you personally, you could like to make sure that out.
    A conviction is a conviction, is really a conviction, period.
    If in the event that you’re trying to get an authorities
    spot that you make admissions pertaining on the background, do so when you complete the application.

  • My Maternal grandmother was a master at manipulation. She was supposed to take care of me while Mom worked. By age 3 I knew something was off with her. I witnessed her yelling at Mom, beating Mom’s head againist the wall. When Mom’s Sunday School class called and Grandma answered the phone she would say horrible things like, “She is out whoring around.” Mom remained totally devoted to Grandma because she felt it was her duty to care for her parents. Grandma talked very little about anything real. She did see herself as a victim because she was the only survivor of Diphtheria. She complained that her mother wasn’t a good mother and would lock her outside, etc. At age 15 her mother sent her to live with her Aunt whom Grandma said was alcoholic and beat her with a catty nine tails. I helped dress and bathe Grandma and she had no scars. Also her aunt had an adopted daughter who adored her. From the time I was 12 Grandma accused me of wanting to have sex with my little cousins, etc. I didn’t even know whata sex was until I turned 13 and asked a schoolmate. I was horrified. When I was 26 I married a Narcissist. Oh boy! How could I have been fooled. Within six months I knew it was a big mistake. I decided not to go through it again. So divorced. He wouldn’t give up. And he was physically abusive. By this time our little son was born so I packed up my son, my mother, and we moved 1800 miles away. We covered our trail so he would not find us. My advice is to get away from them ASAP and stay away from them.

  • I didn’t know I was with a Narcissist until 8 years into the relationship. In the beginning he was affectionate and we spent a lot of time together. I thought it was becoming a serious relationship. This went on for almost 5 years. After that, he said he had to work all the time. His boss loss family over seas and he had to take over the business, which meant very little time, even on holidays. Of course this was not true. Then there was the criticizing of my family, friends and myself. I knew there was something wrong but couldn’t put my finger on it. In the beginning of our 8th year together, I get an email from a woman who wanted to if I was involved with this man, since she had been dating him for 5 years. She found pictures of me on his phone. I never answered her email but eventually maybe I should. He admitted he was unfaithful and said to forget about it and we should start over. This is when it became unbearable. I was not permitted to ask anything without him flaring up. I was truly miserable. He even brought over an aids test to show he was negative.

    Eight months ago, he said I needed things done in my home and he was going to help me. He actually acted like he would like to at least start a friendship. He brought food over when I was sick, called to see how I was every day and then for no reason at all disappeared. It was very confusing to me. I wanted to try and understand what had happened. Well, I did. I never knew this man from the very beginning. He lied about everything, from where he lived, to what he was doing, you name it. I eventually found out he had a girlfriend for 12 years. So this makes, 8 years with me, 5 years with another one and the one for 12. How this man was able to pull it off is amazing. I noticed he was a nervous wreck.

    My suggestion to anyone who thinks they could be involved with a Narcissist is never accept a lie and don’t ever forgive. Once a liar, always one. For me, I have to blame myself for being so trusting and I was totally gas- lighted. I feel for anyone who has endured the pain of a relationship that is so abusive. There are warning signs, you just have to always be alert for the danger signals. When you ask a question and they want to walk out, that’s a big sign. These types of people all have one thing in common and is lack of communication. They run like hell.

    • Yep. They “spin” every situation, they gaslight, they lie, their conversations consist mostly of one-upmanship stories involving other people. They are always “right” even when they’re all wet, and they will never, EVER apologize for anything they’ve done to hurt someone. Your feelings and opinions are meaningless to a narcissist. They might not be physically abusive, but they are incredibly abusive emotionally. They might profess love, but don’t you believe it. They don’t understand the concept of love. The more honest ones might even admit that. Most people with NPD are quite intelligent and often hold high-paying positions, possibly because they are so driven to prove to themselves that they aren’t the losers they fear they are.

  • My estranged husband was diagnosed as a sociopath with narcissistic tendencies. He doesn’t want a divorce even though he’s living with another woman. He’s been attempting to triangulate me and her, but I’m refusing to get sucked in. Unfortunately, we have a minor son who he tries to drag into his toxic delusions. I’ve blocked his number on our phones except for texts. I want all of his contact to be documented. He lies so much and manipulates so bad, it’s the only way I can minimize it while having documentation for court.

  • I had been with a Narcissist for nearly 2 year. When we met he was so charming , said everything a girl wants to hear. A couple of months into the relationship i found a picture of a random girl at a train station. I confronted him, he said he was bored..That was one of the things that should have made me leave but as i said, good with words. The picture wasn’t the only thing. He stared at women a lot when we went out , one night we were at a concert and i made a smart ass remark about a girl he was looking at so when we left he lost me in a crowd of hundreds of of people, he had my phone and my wallet, i was standing there crying for 15 minutes i was just about to ask someone for a lift or something and he appears. But once again i got back with him there were lots of things that happened after that and now i feel like a fool but i was insecure and believed him. If anyone gets the inkling that their partner is a narcissist WALK AWAY ASAP!!!!!

  • I write about what my older half sister did to me in her journey to force our mom from her home into her control. She went past insane to who should have been institutionalized.
    Diana first step was sawing through our kitchen faucett with a hacksaw. Then sending Iowa Human Service to our home the day I entered Luther College. Diana told HS that if you go see my invalid mom when Val’s home tour life will be in danger! Mom the supposed invalid was still driving alone,grocery shipping, playing Bridge having bridge oarkied and being a Red Hat Lady. The next year she conviencwd mom she needed to go to Texas to see her grandchildren too important to come and see grsnpa while he was dying with dementia. Diana took a job twenty hours a week leaving mom without a phone it TV. Three months of not being taken home mom finally got Robert John C to take her to the air port to be taken home.
    Two years of 70 phone called a week harraasing and bullying mom. Then Human services with new lies of abuse came to the house in June 2014. Mom stood up to a woman DH and told her this us Not Soviet Russia you have no right or business in my home then she kicked Dennis out. In July of 2015 that woman lied about when she met mom and what she said about and to mom. Mom told her as much he men in 2012 her daughter Val never harmed her in any way. No one cared about the truth . No lawyer came forward to help Val not be placed without proof on Elder Abuse.
    No one cared about my younger sister brought to mom and my house so they could dig through our pantry and through out our good food and no money given for us to replace that food.
    Then Diana literally torched our laundry room while mom and I watched TV. Read me Val Heike

  • The narcissist I was involved with was not a real person. He would blow between hot and cold I honestly think he was bi polar as well. He used to say the most hurtful things to me and then when I told him I was leaving saying he was just testing me???? I am so over him, I am done. To say the whole time I was with him was abnormal is an understatement. He Hoover’s of course he does but to no avail I would not resume contact with that chameleons if you gave me the world. If you are in a relationship with this type of demon run, Run for your life. Mel xx

  • Fellow narcissistic sufferers , please get out of your relationship immediately!!!! It never gets better, only worse. If your a survivor like me then congratulations we made it!!!! We have new found knowledge we didn’t sign up for, but hey hoe knowledge is power and power to us all!!!! You can save your child a friend a family member or even a stranger, hence my post!!! If I save one person from anymore invert abuse then I believe my suffering had purpose… We only got caught because we’re beautiful hearted human beings, not idiots like we’ve been made to feel like. Chin up everyone, believe and trust your gut. You DO know the right thing to do. Be free! I was 14 years in purgatory before my escape to freedom, learn quicker than me sweetheart, your worth it no matter what bullshit they spew you!!! Namaste everyone. ✌????️X

  • I married a narc after dating him 5 yrs. I knew what he was but thought I could handle him — Coming from a dysfunctional family, myself, ( My Dad was a narc) I was used to pushing my boundaries and forgiving a LOT. I kept finances separate – he was the most stingy person I ever knew – wouldn’t spend a penny on me so figured I could survive with my own money. THAT was only the tip of the iceberg. The emotional abuse followed – degrading me. Physical threats. Lies.. OH THE LIES….. We separated ( for unrelated reasons) and I trusted him to stay faithful. BAD MISTAKE. Fast forward to 2017. He left his phone home and had forgotten I knew his code. I found text messages to another woman he’d been dating – told HER he was divorced….. ( nobody is exempt to their lies) and triangulated me against his family – smear campaigns – more lies – It was horrible. So I busted him on the cheating. I filed for divorce in March. 2 mos go by and he calls the night before the first hearing saying ” HE LOVES ME”. Ladies….. THOSE 3 words will get these narcs ANYTHING they want.. I dropped the proceedings. I caved to his hoover…… But here is the worst of it all. His brother ( who lived with us – ) texted him and said ” I want to call her out so bad!!! I caught her in a lie!!! She said YOU asked HER to come back to you!!!!’ My husband’s reply via text?? “We talked. Not your business.” HE DID NOT DEFEND ME – he has NEVER had my back – and proved to me after 11 yrs how profoundly selfish he was – a consummate LIAR and a CHEAT…….. I refiled.. I am a good woman – like all of you — and I busted him big time. I told him he will burn in Hell for all the destruction he’s caused — IF he gets to Heaven ( doubtful) he will answer to a much higher power than me. I ignored ALL the red flags….. NEVER NEVER NEVER doubt your instincts. Your gut will never fail you. If it feels bad – IT IS. GET OUT. It’s true.. They NEVER change – they don’t have to. They get what they want being who they are. LIARS. They will just dump you and go on to the next one. Predatory rattlesnakes – con artists. Move on and be happy.

  • A waste of time confronting them. Simply feeds the ‘beast’ & can expect a barrage of their rage. Simply know your truth and remain calm. They are unlikely to ever change. Look after yourself & protect your children if you have them. Maintain low contact to reduce the chaos NPD’s thrive on.

  • >