Why Do Narcissists Lie and Say They Love You?

I love you.

Doesn’t it sound wonderful? 

We all dream of being loved, but more so, we dream of being loved by somebody safe and secure.

Narcissists feel like just that when you first meet them. Their offerings of love come with the promise that it’ll last.

They then whisper those beautiful words that leave us feeling emotionally fulfilled.

Finally, your happy ending.

Except there’s a catch…

…Narcissists are serial liars.

They said they love you, but they do not.

And they never will.

Learn why, right now!

What Love Means To You

Love is the best feeling in the world, isn’t it? Love makes everything seem less negative, less dark, less tiresome.

When you meet somebody whom you can share love with, it’s the best feeling in the world. You have a person who understands what it means to compromise. You share your life and time with somebody loyal, honest, inspiring, encouraging – love should never cause you intentional pain.

Love is healthy. It is about allowing a person to grow in their own space and identity. It’s about respecting their boundaries, and giving them room to be themselves and still maintain friendships and hobbies. 

Love is safe and secure. 

I know you know all of this, but I am specifically not going to ask you what love with a narcissist feels like.

Does any of the above still stand when you think about the narcissist you know? Maybe they are still in your life, maybe they are now an ex – wherever they may be – does this shoe of love fit them?

The answer will be a resounding no.

Narcissists don’t make you feel those things. 

There is no safety or security with a narcissist, even if they offer you fragmented promises to the contrary. These are lies designed to keep you.

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Let’s get more into that, right now. 

What Love Means to the Narcissist

The narcissist is not a fan of love, it has to be said. 

This is exactly what you can expect a narcissist to think about love:

  • They fear it. The old phrase – you fear what you can’t understand. Love for them is something they’ve never really been able to accept. Why and how would anybody possibly love them? Surprising to you, maybe, but that’s because you’re so unaware of just how much the narcissist secretly hates themselves. 

Love is vulnerability, and narcissists steer well clear of that.

  • Nothing. It can be that simple. The narcissist does not check in with something they are incapable of truly feeling. You might be giving your whole heart to them, but they don’t see it. They don’t care. You’re nothing but supply to them. 
  • Supply. Yes! Somebody is giving them attention! If they love me, I can get them to do anything I want. Perfect!

Spoken like a true narcissist…

The Lies – From The Start

You’ll be sad to learn that from the moment you meet the narcissist ,they will do nothing but lie to you. 

What falls out of their mouth will be what you want to hear. And yes, like the good, honest person you are, you’ll have no reason to disbelieve them.

You see the good in people, and you wouldn’t challenge them because, why would you?

They’re convincing.

You’d be hard pressed to get past their conniving game-playing at the start of a relationship, unless you have become wise to narcissism.

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Which I thoroughly recommend you do!

Why Narcissists Lie and Say They Love You

So, why do narcissists lie and say they love you?

I’ve got five reasons, ready and waiting for you. 

#1 To “Keep” You

They don’t want you to go anywhere, so they tell you they love you so you stick around. You being here means they feel that little less lonely. 

They get to siphon your positivity and use it for themselves. 

Narcissists are no good at being honest, they’re too good for the truth. So yes, they will tell you they love you so that you stay with them. That way, they’ve always got somebody to manipulate and control. 

#2 To Make Up For All The Abuse To Come

What you’ve got coming is a whole, unpleasant world of pain. It’s going to be neither fun, nor fulfilling, but the narcissist needs you to feel that love right now.

It means when the abuse does come – you won’t go anywhere.

You have to remember that narcissists will discard you. They will eventually act like you don’t exist. They won’t hesitate to throw your name under a bus and carry on as if nothing happened.

When they’re ready (and not a moment before), they’ll be back with that same old cycle of abuse. 

Telling you they love you means they get to set their standard of love, and you accept it willingly.

The highs are so high, after all, right?

#3 To Manipulate You

Listen, narcissists don’t want you to be the ones in charge of everything. They have to pull the strings and manipulate everybody – including you

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Manipulating you is how they gain ultimate control. They can lie and tell you anything you want to hear simply because it’s going to work in their favor. 

If you feel loved, you stay. You stay, you provide a supply, and you make them feel good.

It’s never about love. 

Bigger games are being played here, and none that you will win. 

#4 Because They Are Convincing

Need I remind you how convincing narcissists are? You only have to take one look at their charming smile and you feel captivated, right?

Knowing it’s all an act will help you realize their lack of love had nothing to do with you. 

Yes, they lie, cheat, and steal, but that’s how they were wired. 

What you want to hear, they’ll gladly offer it. 

#5 Words Mean Nothing

The painful reality that words mean nothing to a narcissist comes through with ‘I love you.’ 

Narcissists know that saying ‘I love you’ will never be met with any actions. Of course, the promise of action can be included.

I love you, and someday I’ll marry you

Oh dear. We all know that’s unlikely to happen. If it does, it’ll be the most miserable marriage known to man. 

You and Love

With your opinion of love on another level to that of a narcissist, there should be time set aside right now. 

Time to appreciate that you can love, and offer it out. If you can’t receive it in the way you’d like – you must stay to ask yourself what you’re doing with the narcissist. 

Because there are never any happy endings. 

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